whiteraven
Diamond Member
In mid-2014, my psychiatrist of 14 years terminated our relationship by certified letter. He had not brought it up at the previous session, had never said anything about terminating, and the letter indicated the reason was because I was having trouble keeping up with my bill. I owed him/the center he worked for 58.00 at the time I received it.
I was devastated when I received his letter. I was angry, in shock, very upset, and I was plunged into a depression and anxiety deeper than any I had ever known. I replied to him (in writing) and got no response. I wrote to 3 members of the Board (he was medical director of the center at the time), and got no response. When I requested my records be sent to my psychologist, he received a couple of pages that included the last couple of pages of doctor's notes, but that's it. No discharge summary, no medication doses or dates, etc....
Since then, I have been unable to even think about going back to a psychiatrist. I've been through 3 primary care docs, all of whom have (legitimately) betrayed me in a variety of ways, and I'm now without one. I have no real friends - I did, but they, too, betrayed or moved away from me. The only person I trust even just a little bit right now is my therapist.
So, I have been seeing him for about 4 1/2 years. I like him and he's caring in that unconditional sort of way.
He is a Zen priest (as well as being a clinical psychologist), which means he kind of doubles as a teacher for me, in a spiritual sense, since I am Buddhist and this part of my life is critical to my well-being.
I have a long history of depression and was diagnosed with DID in 1998. The severe complex PTSD symptoms started several months ago, but my life has been in almost constant turmoil since 2014. My therapist has been compassionate and kind, allows me to come even when I can't afford to, and has also invited me to train in his mindfulness groups, as often as I want, free of charge. I've gained a lot in these past 4 years. But I'm feeling so bad these days. I do only what I must. The rest of the time, I sit. Over the holidays, I stayed inside for 5 days straight, and all I did was watch television, be with my cats, and sit on the computer. I *couldn't* do anything more. It's not exactly depression. I don't know how to describe it. There is almost a physical something under the surface of my skin, a tingling but not quite. A pain, but not quite.
I just wish I felt better. I wish I could do. This feels like it will never, ever go away.
I was devastated when I received his letter. I was angry, in shock, very upset, and I was plunged into a depression and anxiety deeper than any I had ever known. I replied to him (in writing) and got no response. I wrote to 3 members of the Board (he was medical director of the center at the time), and got no response. When I requested my records be sent to my psychologist, he received a couple of pages that included the last couple of pages of doctor's notes, but that's it. No discharge summary, no medication doses or dates, etc....
Since then, I have been unable to even think about going back to a psychiatrist. I've been through 3 primary care docs, all of whom have (legitimately) betrayed me in a variety of ways, and I'm now without one. I have no real friends - I did, but they, too, betrayed or moved away from me. The only person I trust even just a little bit right now is my therapist.
So, I have been seeing him for about 4 1/2 years. I like him and he's caring in that unconditional sort of way.
He is a Zen priest (as well as being a clinical psychologist), which means he kind of doubles as a teacher for me, in a spiritual sense, since I am Buddhist and this part of my life is critical to my well-being.
I have a long history of depression and was diagnosed with DID in 1998. The severe complex PTSD symptoms started several months ago, but my life has been in almost constant turmoil since 2014. My therapist has been compassionate and kind, allows me to come even when I can't afford to, and has also invited me to train in his mindfulness groups, as often as I want, free of charge. I've gained a lot in these past 4 years. But I'm feeling so bad these days. I do only what I must. The rest of the time, I sit. Over the holidays, I stayed inside for 5 days straight, and all I did was watch television, be with my cats, and sit on the computer. I *couldn't* do anything more. It's not exactly depression. I don't know how to describe it. There is almost a physical something under the surface of my skin, a tingling but not quite. A pain, but not quite.
I just wish I felt better. I wish I could do. This feels like it will never, ever go away.
