Worth It? Support Please

[Naoru]

Not to beat this topic to death, but can someone just remind me that therapy is worth it? Is facing the trauma and "feeling" really necessary?

Had a rough go of it today. T is pushing, but ... good God this is hard. She asks questions and it is like my whole being says no.

I do not want to do this anymore. I cannot relive and retell what she is asking (of my own accord anyway).

This is way out of my comfort zone to ask, but if someone can just push me to keep going or something, I would appreciate it. Right now, I am angry and ready to escape for a while, or do something self-destructive.

Support please? :notworthy:

Or I mean, if I can quit and go back to pretending, that would be great too. ;)

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

So sorry that you're going through a hard time, friend. I can see that this is really difficult for you. Therapy is very, very important, and trust the general agreement of most individuals here when we say that therapy is worth it. So, so much progress can be done to recover and find oneself in a better place. It's not easy, but it's very important to recovery. :)

What kind of therapist is, well, your therapist? Are they a general one? Or one that specializes in trauma-based therapy? Rough days are always going to be there. But I am curious as to what kind of methods are being used to confront the trauma.

What's your knowledge on trauma therapies like EMDR? Has your therapist mentioned these options to you before? I encourage you to keep pursuing therapy, but, if this therapist doesn't specialize in trauma therapy, then perhaps you can get a seperate one that does - one that can offer you better trauma therapies that could perhaps help you confront and ultimately move past these disturbances. Facing the trauma is absolute hell - it's like you've broken all the bones in your body yet somehow it finds a way to keep walking by some miracle. Facing it means going to each individual bone and re-mending it back into place. You mentally know that this is what's best for you, leaving those broken bones unattended will only cause more damage. But holy f*ck, god does it hurt to even touch these bones. It is literally the largest rollercoster of agony and pain and relief and ache and then more pain all over again. But one day, finally, that final bone will snap back in place and heal. And then, you'll feel so much better. You don't be dancing for joy like a maniac, but at least you can walk without feeling pain in every step anymore. And that's what matters.

In regards to self-coping presently, do you have any lotion or even ice? If you feel self destructive in a self harm kind of way, placing either a 'soothing' or 'shocking' sensation on the skin can absolve the feeling temporarily. Can't promise, but could be worth a shot :) Take care of yourself friend, you're worth it.

 

[Naoru]

What kind of therapist is, well, your therapist? Are they a general one? Or one that specializes in trauma-based therapy?

Yes, trauma.

What's your knowledge on trauma therapies like EMDR? Has your therapist mentioned these options to you before?

She has mentioned EMDR and we have dipped some toes into exposure therapy, plus loads of other stuff.

You described everything perfectly. I know I need to do this, but ........

In regards to self-coping presently, do you have any lotion or even ice?

Yes, and I will try anything. I do not want to revert back to old things and erase all of my progress, but nothing is seeming like enough at the moment.

Thank you for the support ... will reread later :notworthy:

 

[MisterCatLady]

@Naoru im glad you posted this because I needed everything @RecedingMoonlight had to say. God therapy is so hard. I wont quit because I know what direction my life was going in before therapy and my life has improved immensely since starting therapy but sometimes it feels like the process might kill me. It's a weird feeling of taking comfort in therapy and also knowing it is turning my world upside down.

Have you told your therapist you're feeling overwhelmed? It might do some good to talk about what a comfortable pace might look like for both of you.

 

[corvidae]

i've found some simple grounding techniques that are a bit...rudimentary (ok, what i wanted to type was "childish" because those are the people/parts inside that need those soothing grounding actions the most). the best one? bubble wrap: popping it whenever i need to, even (especially?) in the middle of a therapy session.

another helpful thing: non-verbal therapy around the trauma; currently doing some scribble drawings and also doing mindful knitting. weird, i know.

support @Naoru !

 

[RecedingMoonlight]

I do not want to revert back to old things and erase all of my progress, but nothing is seeming like enough at the moment.

Sometimes, the only thing you can really do is plow through it. Remember though, if you ever do find yourself relapsing despite your best efforts, know that you aren't erasing all of your progress. Relapsing is not like climbing up a mountain and falling all the way down, having to restart all over again. Relapsing is more like walking in a desert and then tripping and getting sand in your face and it's just disgusting and upsetting and you find yourself just sitting in the sand for a few minutes because of how crappy you feel. (okay, that is a very weirdly specific analogy, but you get the idea. ;)) You haven't lost any distance or progress that you already made, just found yourself in a crappy situation. What matters the most is what happens after the relapse: do you get up and keep walking after, or do you sit and wallow? Sometimes it's okay to sit for a bit, take some time to breathe and tell yourself that it's okay. But what matters is that you eventually keep going. :tup:

We're all here to support you, and I hope that everything goes well! :)

 

[joeylittle]

@Naoru - it's worth it. It's hard but worth it. Like talking with your therapist about your suicidal thinking. Same - that was hard, but you believed it was worth it, as I recall.

I have a total temper tantrum about it sometimes, because it's so f*cking exhausting. And sometimes I (too) just pretend I believe it's getting me somewhere.

Thinking of you.

 

[Naoru]

Wow, guys. Thank you for all of the thoughts and support; I am not used to it. Definitely plan to reread, especially before session next week. I can do it.

It's a weird feeling of taking comfort in therapy and also knowing it is turning my world upside down.

Have you told your therapist you're feeling overwhelmed?

I know that exact feeling ... kind of scary, no?

T and I discussed during that session my feeling overwhelmed and somewhat defiant, as well as our snail's pace. She insists it is important we continue at a pace that is comfortable to me, but it is necessary to push at times or I will continue avoiding for eternity. I agree, but I am ready for this to be over. All I could say to her was an angry "no." Someone mentioned a magic wand?

I cannot even look at my homework!

the best one? bubble wrap

Ah, yes, bubble wrap! Much better option than my ideas. :whistling:

(okay, that is a very weirdly specific analogy, but you get the idea. ;)) You haven't lost any distance or progress that you already made, just found yourself in a crappy situation. What matters the most is what happens after the relapse: do you get up and keep walking after, or do you sit and wallow?

Ha! I like it. So essentially, I face-planted and rolled down the sand dunes, and now here I sit wallowing and making sand angels in the mess. Defeated.

I feel so conflicted today, and I do not even know where to begin to sort it out. Created more problems for myself and I cannot go to anyone to ask for advice.

total temper tantrum

Yes. Like a stubborn 3 year old.

And you are right, it was worth it. So I guess you all are right and this will be worth it, too.