...I guess a little bit of both... deep down I knew I was washed up and I needed to retire, but I really couldn't conceive ever doing anything else, so I pushed myself passed the breaking point until there was no other option except forcible medical retirement. This is when my PTSD symptoms were at their worst. When I no longer had the safe haven of the firehouse and my brothers around me I really let myself go downhill. I was retired December 30th 2014 and since have been admitted to 3 inpatient programs 2 of which were for attempted suicide; I've also had to stay retired on the outside and focus my efforts to full time therapy Monday through Friday in an intense outpatient program.one question if I may.....Looking back, did you know you probably should retire or do something else? Or, was it really never an option?