Broke Up With My Therapist Today!

[7Cs]

I was a bit nervous about this but all went well.

She was very understanding and supportive. Most importantly she agreed that we had come to an impasse with my dissociation hindering progress with neither of us knowing how to work through it.



I've already had 2 sessions with my new T and am looking forward to starting my next step to healing/ recover!

:D

 

[bring em all in]

I'd been working for 6 years with my former therapist. We got as far as we were going to go, I think. I've also seen my new therapist twice and already been ready to discuss things I never have before.

Good for you, 7Cs.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

This could be in an accomplishment thread! You both sound so positive and encouraged.

Congrats to both of you!!!

 

[7Cs]

This could be in an accomplishment thread! You both sound so positive and encouraged.

Congrats to bot...

Thank you!

 

[bring em all in]

I suppose you are right, but having the scabs ripped off of my memories and feeling the feelings again- but I guess that's necessary for healing.

 

[erigby]

@7Cs can you tell me a little bit more about the disassociation you experienced with your therapist? I think I may be dealing with some sort of disassociation as well.

 

[7Cs]

@7Cs can you tell me a little bit more about the disassociation you experienced with...

Some level of dissociation is common with ptsd and I've known for a long time that I do dissociate but my previous therapists have really shied away from any trauma work. I went to the therapist I recently "broke up with" because she was willing to do trauma work and had worked with clients with similar traumas. I was tired of "supportive therapy" and wanted to get right to the core issues that have led to my ptsd.

Unfortunately, she did not have much experience with dissociation and neither of us knew how extensively I would end up dissociating once we started the work. We did not approach my traumas slowly enough and I think that was our 1st mistake.


What I've been experiencing as far as dissociation in therapy has now bled into day to day home and work life.


So to answer your question, here are the main things I've been experiencing - mostly in session but sometimes out now too.

Talking about certain traumatic situations would bring me to emotional flashback (this is something pretty much everyone with ptsd experiences) and we would have to spend the rest of the session getting me back.

Derealization and emotional numbing. My surroundings became unreal and my emotions shut down. Sometimes at the same time but occasionally things seemed normal but I just couldn't feel any emotions.

Not being really me anymore. "I" was not the one in therapy. Sometimes "I" would become very analytical distant and reserved. Sometimes a childish playful part of me would be there instead. Sometimes "I" would be stand offish and defensive. etc. Like different parts of me would be there and none of them willing to do any trauma work. Sometimes "I" would be there in the beginning but then it would change.

Sometimes I would spend the sessions bouncing between all three of the above!


I think all of those are signs that I was not present and if you're not at therapy, how can you do the work?

 

[erigby]

@7Cs thank you for your reply. This is very helpful. I think I may be struggling with something similar. Were you aware at the time "other parts" were showing up or did you recognize it later? I can particularly identify with the childlike tendencies and the emotional numbing out. I have been seeing a therapist weekly for 4 months it was only 3 months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD (childhood trauma) and Major Depressive Disorder. The trauma has only been brought up a few times and I am so emotionally numb to it...I don't really respond at all but know emotional flashbacks are causing a great deal of problems for me.

 

[7Cs]

@7Cs thank you for your reply. This is very helpful. I think I may be struggling wi...

When I was misdiagnosed with mood disorder nos my "mood swings" were out of control. My husband and I over the years since have talked about how it is like having multiple personalities except it couldn't be that since I don't lose time or black out. So in a sense I've known about these parts for a very long time. We just called them moods for lack of better word even though when I would get in the moods I would change mannerism speech etc and there always felt like a disconnection between who I am and these moods.

Sometimes I hate it when it happens because I hate what the moods/parts are doing how they're acting. Other times I just think... well this is interesting/ different and kind of watch and observe.

The T I was seeing wanted to do inner child work with me.
I realized I had several "inner children" at different ages.
At our 2nd appointment the T commented on how I was not the same person throughout my 1st session but we never explored that. I think mostly because T didn't know how to other than basic inner child work.

Over several months of therapy with her my depersonalization, derealization and numbing out experiences got closed together and worse and I started reading about dissociative disorders. I was surprised how well the theory of structural dissociation explained my "mood swings" and how well the more complex dissociative disorders fit my experiences.


I'm still scared to admit to my new T that I know that I have these parts even though she has talked to me about them. She asks me how old they are etc.

It's weird though because since coming to accept the ones I know about, I have recognized 1 other I wasn't aware of and 1 that has been what I would call relatively dormant for a long time.

I'm pretty sure I don't have DID but I know that there is something more going on that ptsd or even complex ptsd.

Honestly this all freaks me out a bit and like others have said I sort of feel like it's made up. At the same time it's the reality of my life. In a way I'm actually excited to get to know about these parts of me. It's also kind of frightening. And on top of all that I'm thinking were things THAT bad? So bad I needed to cordon off parts to deal with it all. Hmmmm. That's probably why I meet the criteria for APD - avoidant personality disorder.

Sorry I completely lost structure of my reply!