Therapist On Vacation

[Muted]

Yes, it's really hard for me. I try to just block it all out.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

@Gia1019 , yeah, blocking things out has been a good strategy until I couldn't block things out. I think I've tried pretending that my therapist going away was going to be easy because I am in a better place than usual when she goes away, but, alas, it still bothers me and can't be blocked out after all.

 

[Muted]

@Gia1019 , yeah, blocking things out has been a good strategy until I c...

I hear ya, it really sucks... I wish I had some ideas to help. I'm not usually like that with people, in fact I usually keep them at a distance so I don't have deal with that stuff.

 

[Powder]

Does it pass? For me it's hell for about 2 hours and then I snap out of it, 98%.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Maybe it would help to proceed AS IF she is coming back.

Write her notes or draw her pictures. Whether or not you ever give them to her is irrelevant; the point is that you are taking action, and the action might help convince you that she is, indeed coming back?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Does it pass?

If I am busy, I don't think about it, but it changes my routines and when I have down time I think about it.

Write her notes or draw her pictures.

I was actually thinking of that today. Reading it in your post makes it sound less silly so I think I will do that. I am going to keep journaling, but maybe it would help to do special notes or pictures specifically to her. Thanks.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I hope it gets easier, @JEKBreatheandBelieve. I know, for me, it gets a little easier each day; it is almost the hardest on the first day of the absence because it just seems like so much time. But each day that passes is a day closer to your appointment. You've got this. You will be okay!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Thanks, @theshadowoftheliving . She did write me a little note and I read it to myself and parts tonight and it really helped. It reminds us that she is coming and back and when our next appointment is.

 

[Arebas]

I struggle with this too. For me, it helps to think that I know my T wants to come back to me. If she doesn't, it's never because she didn't want to. I can't think the same with most people in my life cause when they didn't come back it was usually cause they just didn't want to come back, but I trust my T and that's why I really miss her when she's gone and so I know, deep inside, that she always wants to come back. Won't say it makes the struggle easier but when the peak of emotion is gone, it does feel better to remind myself of it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

For me, it helps to think that I know my T wants to come back to me. If she doesn't, it's never because she didn't want to. I can't think the same with most people in my life cause when they didn't come back it was usually cause they just didn't want to come back

I like that viewpoint. I think I will try to remember that.

 

[Laurie2001]

JEKBreatheandBelle - I TOTALLY GET IT. I used to be continually afraid my therapist wasn't coming back. She would let me text her to remind me she wasn't leaving and she was still alive. I still have issues around this. I've realized recently how much it has to do with earlier abandonments that were pretty severe. It sounds like she cares a lot about you. If you haven't arranged for this this time, maybe in the future you can have daily texts as a reminder. I also will see back up therapists while she's gone.

I think its great about rereading the note she wrote to you.

But I just want you to know I get it and you are not alone. Its very painful for us and scary because it brings up so much. Another suggestion is for this vacation whether it would be OK to just email her on a regular basis, or to see if she can respond to brief texts. My therapist used to also offer to give me something in her office to help me hold on to her. For me objects don't really work -I'd be like "I want you!!!". But some people that helps.

You will get through it and she will come back, but that is not how it feels!! Just want you to know I'm with you and empathize.

 

[NightSky]

My T left the country for a few weeks last year and before she left I was a mess. Which was actually shocking to me and I couldn't figure out why it made me so upset. Maybe it was the fear of her not coming back. Or maybe it was feeling subconsciously rejected/unimportant. I told her and we talked a lot about it beforehand. She saw it as a good thing because it meant we had a strong therepeutic relationship. (I had only been with her 6 months at that point.) she had me write in a journal that I would give her when she returned. And she gave me several books to read. She sent one email while she was gone. The journal was the most helpful thing. It made me feel like she cared and it felt like a daily connection. And it helped me stay focused on and committed to our work. I also feel connected to her when I read books she gives me. I don't know if that works for everyone. But knowing I can talk to her about what I'm reading when we aren't together helps.
During her absence it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. The weeks leading up to it were far worse.