Scatter Brain Adult

[Lisse]

Hi all,

Having a lost day today. It all was set off because I couldn't find a letter with a fine I need to pay by tomorrow.
I had a breakdown because I feel like I'm not functioning properly as an adult. I can't remember lots of things and I literally feel like I don't have the capacity to continue living as an adult. I forget to pay bills. I forget appointment times. I can't remember important things. I have to reread things over and over again. It's hard enough getting ready and keeping my home semi-tidy. Sometimes I will forget to hang the washing and then have to rewash the next day then I forget to hang again. The days are merging into each other and I feel like I am in a rutt.

I absolutely lost it today. Screaming and crying and telling myself off for not being able to be normal then I totally went numb and disassociated completely...I am only now kind of getting feeling back. How can I move forward?
I am going to post this up and then go to the shop to buy a diary to try write down important things.
Does anyone else struggle with basic things like me?

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

Absolutely. All the time. I struggle to remember things on a daily basis. Take today for example I forgot to do my laundry and I told myself today over and over "Dont forget to do the laundry" well I forgot. I also am a bit absent minded when people tell me how to do something I'll forget and panic. With everything thats going on I have been having more of a hard time remembering things so don't worry you're not alone there.
Take things one small step at a time. Write lists and put them everywhere. I suggest using sticky notes or bright markers and big letters. Keep notes all over the house like near the wash write a note that says "DONT FORGET TO DO THE LAUNDRY" Place the notes where you see them. See if that helps. I wish I could help you more but know your not alone in this. Sending hugs and support and if you ever need someone to vent to I am just a message away. My inbox is always open. :hug:

 

[Lisse]

Absolutely. All the time. I struggle to remember things on a daily basis. Take today for example...

Thanks so much for replying to my message - I appreciate it very much. I went and bought a bunch of sticky notes like you suggested. Made me feel a lot better knowing you understand!! Thank you for offering a listening ear.
hugs back.
<3

 

[Astrid_Shadow]

No problem. Glad I could help, if you ever need to chat send me a message. Inbox is always open. <3

 

[bring em all in]

Lisse- Count me among the disassociated struggling with basic things. Heck, I just had to copy and paste the word "disassociated" from your original post because I could not come up with the spelling on my own. I was an English teacher for 29 years and had a Master's Equivalency, and now I struggle to think of even basic words to communicate!

The way it has been explained to me is that my brain is struggling with Bipolar II and C-PTSD, so memory and linguistic functions sometimes take a back seat. It helps to know why it is happening- but doesn't really make it less frustrating!!

 

[Lisse]

Lisse- Count me among the disassociated struggling with basic things. Heck, I just had to copy...

Thank you so much for replying and sharing bits of your story. Your explanation was very helpful - I am going to look more into it as I don't understand why I can't retain info or think straight sometimes.
Some days I am ok, other days I can't remember a thing or do a thing. It is frustrating indeed! Thanks for making me feel less alone in this journey.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@bring em all in - Thank you. I have been trying to figure out what is going on with my brain. I've Googled this every way I could think of, thinking that this is the onset of Alzheimer's (mother had it), but also had a colleague years ago who told me it was stress. It has gotten really bad lately, like I can't recall words, am afraid I'll forget how to read or even how to make conversation as I can't pull words from my mind to put together. Drives me nuts as I, too, have a MA (in History), and considered myself a wordsmith. This is devastating and I feel ashamed.

Also, not remembering how or when to do things has been weighing on me and frustrating the heck out of me. I have lists for my lists. Thank goodness for Post-It notes! I can't seem to track much if I don't go through this routine, but in doing so I feel like I'm obsessive and then feel ashamed as I was/hope to be again a project and event planner, and administrator. That's what we do in those fields - communicate, coordinate, track, expedite! These days, I'm so afraid I'll forget to do something or forget my words, and will panic and embarrass myself that I find myself avoiding in engaging with others unless I have to. I have to work though, so have been looking for solutions or ways to improve my sitation. I think the best advice I've found is to not do what I've been doing - panic, shame, stress over it. Just to be mindful of it and gently correct myself with compassion when I am presented with a challenging situation or catch myself freezing/making a mistake.

Just Googled this and am going to do some research and reading. Even this is upsetting - I was searching under memory loss alone and not connecting it to CPTSD. Why? My analytical skills are scattered like stardust to the wind right now. Self-compassion enters room with VB.

 

[bring em all in]

VioletButterfly: I can be obsessive with making lists also. My to do list always has to be a multiple of five, and if it isn't I always feel the need to add more. Even if it is 11 and I have to add 4 more- I can't drop back to 10!

Would you mind posting or messaging me info you find on memory loss (especially any tips/info on dealing with it)? I would appreciate it.

 

[VioletButterfly]

:):)

VioletButterfly: I can be obsessive with making lists also. My to do list always has to be a multiple of five, and if it isn't I always feel the need to add more. Even if it is 11 and I have to add 4 more- I can't drop back to 10!

Yep, my lists are like bunnies this regard.

I did some cursory research, although exhaustive is available if you have time, and found what I was looking for. If you Google "PTSD" and "Memory" it will bring back a good many results. Researchers pointed to possible genetic markers, neurobiological issues, co-morbid psych challenges, traumatic experiences and duration, and existing medical issues. It seems the sort of impairment one experiences can be relative to the individual and what else they have on board.

For me, there is a great deal of evidence that supports a stance connecting a link between CPTSD, existing health issues, major life stressors, and memory issues. I'm starting by taking holistic steps toward healing, as we're discussing in the other thread. This would seem to fit with my nature and history thus far, so I don't think anything that I'm trying will hurt me, and it might just help me better cope and heal.

When I have time, I would like to go out and do more research. Working on getting a job right now

@Lisse - Didn't mean to hi-jack your thread. I hope some of this has been helpful for you as well. Working on healing mind and body, but calendars, lists and post-its rule for now. Also, a sense of humor doesn't hurt. :)

 

[bring em all in]

Lisse- I didn't mean to hijack your thread either:)

Thanks for the input from your research, VioletButterfly- I'd like to be looking for a job myself but I'm not in mental or emotional shape to do so. I'll let you know if I come up with any info as well.

 

[Deleted member 38242]

List are my favorite way to deal with the scattered mind. I used to suffer badly from the same problem. Meditation has changed that, and my life with that problem. I couldn't go to school, or remember anything, but after meditating, and practicing mindfulness for a few years I ended up getting a 4.0 even with ptsd so bad I only slept 2-4 hours a night last semester.
It seems hard at first, but eventually it becomes like breathing, just something you do. Using guided meditation like on youtube can be a wonderful easy start. It also increases the size of the hippocampus, and other areas of the brain that shrink with ptsd. I have had to accept ptsd is brain damage, but it can be reversed from what studies show.
I took this semester off to get medication worked out because I got seriously depressed last semester due to lack of sleep. I am going to try prozac as it shows to increase the areas that are shown to have shrunk with ptsd, and its been proven to seriously help increase neroplaciticy, and help with brain structures damaged by ptsd. But with bad dissociation (usually what causes scatter brain) medication is tricky, and the wrong ones I found out can be down right anti-therapeutic.
It can get better, but nothing is wrong with post-its until it does.

 

[VioletButterfly]

@MyDogsLoveMe - Thank you for the information and for sharing your experiences! It helps to have first-hand experiences to go along with research and just my intuition. VB