About To Start Emdr For Childhood Abuse

[Missycat]

Sorry , i dont think i was clear. I should have read my post before i sent.
I have arrived at T with the plan to do emdr but i have dissociated so we havent been able to. When i had a double / longer session as soon as i started to talk about what i wanted to process I zoned out and my T said i had started to dissociate, she was able to ground me , we had a break and then did the emdr. She constantly checks even when doing emdr where i am ie how present i am.
Hope this makes sense

 

[Muted]

Sorry , i dont think i was clear. I should have read my post before i sent.
I have arrived at T with...

Yes, I understand better now. I was just wondering because my disassociation as of late has halted our doing emdr too.

 

[Missycat]

Dissociation is a bi*ch isnt it ?
Its worth sticking with the Emdr though, I've found its really helped me.

 

[Muted]

Dissociation is a bi*ch isnt it ?
Its worth sticking with the Emdr though, I've found its really help...

Yep, it's like I'm either hyper focused on whatever task I'm doing or disassociated now most of the time.

Glad to hear it's still helping you, that's encouraging.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Yep, it's like I'm either hyper focused on whatever task I'm doing or disassociated now most of the time.

Such helpful introductions to EMDR for me - can you detail some more if you're comfortable, what this looks like or how it manifests in your life (or perhaps you mean these are the 2 modes you inhabit during therapy the most?) Or perhaps a better related question is whether you knew this would happen given your history/self-awareness going into EMDR or is this a complete surprise?

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Its worth sticking with the Emdr though, I've found its really helped me.

How long have you been doing it now?

From live accounts from friends it seems to take up to a year for them - and they have single-issue PTSD rather than my CPTSD from pre-verbal days. I feel this time crunch b/c ACA is going away in America so I may be left without health insurance in 11 months - terrible that I have to have outside pressures like health insurance play such a stressor but this is the financial reality right now.

 

[Muted]

I hope I'm understanding your questions right , if not please let me know.

I hyperfocus at work and other places more, because it's my way of filtering out everything else. Otherwise the details, noise, etc.. tend to overwhelm me (based on the environment).

I was concerned about doing EMDR again and wouldn't have even attempted it, but I have a therapist I completely trust and who also is very in tune with me and that makes a huge impact on things. I had one prior good experience and then a bad one with different therapists.
The good experience was when I was in another state so unfortunately I wasn't able to continue.
Years later following my worst trauma I did emdr again with someone who maybe didn't know what she was doing or what I was going through, but ended up in a very scary state. I quit going and swore I'd never do therapy again and somehow managed to somewhat recover, but still was debiliatated initially from my PTSD symptoms. But, eventually I got a job and worked around my symptoms.
Then, job stress and changing jobs I was recommended to try my current t. We made it through probably over a year before the disassociation during sessions started coming up, but I believe this is due to the fact that I've never made this type of progress before and we are getting to some root things and so we think protective parts started stepping in. The disassociation hasn't been a problem in our last few session, but we have taken a break from emdr and are talking.
I have learned more about myself from working with this t than I ever knew before. I didn't realize I was disassociative before, yet I can pinpoint it back to elementary school.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

I hope I'm understanding your questions right , if not please let me know.

I hyperfocus at work and ot...

Wow thanks so much for the details! They help greatly.

I realized I don't even know what dissociation looks like and am not entirely certain whether I have done it or will do it. Definitely something to research more to even see what it is!

 

[Muted]

Wow thanks so much for the details! They help greatly.

I realized I don't even know what dissocia...

In my simplified version I describe it as zoning out or going numb. But, there are different degrees of it, which I'm sure you will learn more about in your research.

 

[Muted]

Let us know how it goes @SophiaWisdom ! I think it's great your learning about it ahead of time and it sounds like your doing good preparation work. There's a really good article that @joeylittle posted also. I can't remember which thread it was under, but it did a really good job of explaining things.

 

[SophiaWisdom]

Let us know how it goes @SophiaWisdom ! I think it's great your learning about it ah...

Oh thanks! I feel like I'm almost purposefully not doing ENOUGH - I already started meeting with the T but I don't really have an interest in reading Fran Shapiro's book or learning about the process in depth b/c that tends to color my experience one way or another. Of course I'm going on these threads and reading everyone's horror stories of wanting to commit suicide after and that's freaking me out lol.

I've had 2 very trustworthy women in person who swear by EMDR and are so healed right now and I value their testimony above anything I can read, I think.

 

[Sophie's Daddy]

I hear ya, I'm anxious too... this isn't an easy process. I don't know what your situation is like in y...

I highly recommend having some type of way to contact her for emergency type of situations. Some T's aren't willing to be on call and you have to decide if it's worth the risk. I do think this is an essential safety net. Not everyone is okay with or willing to call some hotline or check themselves in to the hospital.

I totally agree with this – I will remember to create a safety net for myself when I finally get the courage to begin EMDR. I have contacted hotlines before, but left with little more than a recommendation to check myself into a hospital.

It seemed to completely defeat the point of the "Peer support" hotline for me, but after venting my spleen during several calls over two months' time, I finally gave in to their suggestion to go inpatient. GIANT mistake.

Hospital only saw me as extension of the hotline, someone on the edge of suicide. I was in the midst of some pretty deep $H** then, a divorce, anniversary of an nde, loss of my home, etc. and naïvely gave in to hotline pressure.

I needed understanding, not oversight. Indifferent hospital personnel can't/won't provide this, but a caring therapist will. He/she would be the therapist providing the EMDR, I'd think.

And best wishes to you with this – your shared experience is helping me find the courage to do it myself. (–: