How To Treat A Ptsd Sufferer

[Freedomfighter]

Okay, I thought it would be cool to really talk about what people with PTSD need because many of us have needs that are not recognized openly.
If a friend visits you, if someone would like to get to know you better, or if a family member really wanted to help you, or if someone wanted to be a real partner:

What would you tell them that you need from them? On a day to day basis what would you tell someone that they can do to make you feel better? What to say or what not to say?

I think many of us can not even voice these things out loud because we are stopped by the very selfish behaviors of others every day and then we suffer even more: case in point: people that talk about themselves all day long, 24-7

What would a person have to bring to the table in order for you, the PTSD sufferer, to want to be their friend, to want to be their partner?

I think that is a valid question, we are all often so disregarded by society, so abused by society that we don't even get the chance to say that to anyone.

I can start with one thing: Before I would even ever talk to a person I would evaluate whether or not they act as if they are more important than me: sure you know the type: the type that acts as if the world orbits around them, because that is a person that I would never want to get to know.
After that if a person meets the second yak criteria: talking only about themselves I would also never ever want to get to know them.

After those two tests most people already fail....

What would you guys say?

 

[mamachick]

I can't even identify what I need or want anymore...I would answer I simply don't know what I need from others. I am an adult child of alcoholic and that prevented me until I got help, then I became to believe I was deserving and identified needs and wants. I don't know if the ptsd effects my inability equally, but I am treating the ACOA issues as well, which I guess are really core beliefs.

 

[ladee]

I would tell them when I seem angry...I'm not. But I am in distress.
That it would be ok for them to ask "what do you need?" when I am in distress.
I would tell them my answer could be ,a hug, to needing to be alone for a little while. And other things in between
I would tell them I would like to start a tradition of telling them first thing in the morning How I was doing or feeling. Seems that would be more helpful than the other person trying to figure it out. And it would help me be accountable to not let it splash on them.
I would tell them to please not put their hands near my face.
Is this what you meant?
If so,this is a great thread..

 

[Friday]

'People' with PTSD need/want a bazillion different things, because we're all individuals, with different personalities -even if we share the same disorder or even the same trauma- and different desires in life, other people, & ourselves.

But I think it's a hugely important question on an individual basis. Figuring out both boundaries & our personal spectrums of what we love-like-DGAF-dislike-shall not tolerate.

What do I need & want in a partner, in a friend, colleague, acquaintance?

LOL. Granted, those all have very different answers. Someone could be the best of friends, but no way in hell would I consider dating them, or working with them. Reminds me a bit of the WH Auden Quote “Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can; all of them make me laugh.”

 

[Freedomfighter]

I would tell them when I seem angry...I'm not. But I am in distress.
That it would be ok for them to ask...

Yeah, thanks a lot. That is exactly what I meant, because I know what I need in certain situations but want to be able to help other people with this condition, to just be able to be in tune with that person when that person is in pain. And then I would want to help that person without stressing the person even more, you know to learn how to be there for a person like that and to make them feel that they are being understood, to make them feel better and to give them a solid footing and caring when they need that.

 

[Finchlet2]

Turns out I don't give a shit about my own boundaries. I have CPSD from childhood neglect and being tortured by pumps when I was working on an underground project to help give women and men who had been trafficked into sexual slavery there freedom back. A major symptom of mine is brain freeze and muddling words. This happened during a heated argument with my husband yesterday and he struck me and I DON'T CARE! So I don't think I want anything other than to make people I love happy. P.s. please nobody say anything negative about my hubby cos he is literally incredible and this doesn't change how I feel about him one bit.

Pimps not pumps hopefully this will give my nightmares a comedy edge lol

 

[Naoru]

What would you tell them that you need from them?

What would a person have to bring to the table in order for you, the PTSD sufferer, to want to be their friend, to want to be their partner?

Common courtesy.
If I back off, do not push.
Minimize pressure when possible.
Communication. It is a two-way street.
Honor boundaries and limitations.
Honesty, trustworthiness, consistency, respect - across the board.

Many of these things can be assessed fairly quickly and all I do in return.

I had listed more specific examples, but it came down to these main points ... and probably more.

On a day to day basis what would you tell someone that they can do to make you feel better? What to say or what not to say?

There is nothing automatic one can say to make me feel better. Just be there ... kind of like this site.

But some general guidelines:
Do not check in repeatedly. Once is good. Otherwise, leave me alone. Listen if I open up, share true experience and understanding if you have it, and please, leave the platitudes in the garbage can.

 

[ladee]

Just reading posts here and really like @Naoru's post about platitudes.
When a fellow sufferer says it will get better..you are ok..
Or any of the other supportive And validating words used..I listen.I hear.
If other people say those same words I get defensive. I feel my feelings are being minimized.
I would rather hear..."I don't understand,but I'm here for you"