Am I Being Too Sensitive?

[treelight]

Been seeing my T for 4 years on and off. First 3 years it was just for general help with grief and loss but more recently I have been triggered and experiencing very bad memories from my childhood abuse etc. I also finally revealed an addition trauma I had experienced as an adult recently but we haven't discussed it at all yet. All this trauma resurfacing has caused high levels of dissociation for me in session. Never happened in therapy until this point. Has freaked me and my T out a bit at times.

For many years we have used Skype or phone sessions when needed as Ts office is far away from me and I was pregnant/have young children at home.

This last week, I had to have some painful surgery so had to skip a week. For my next appointment I was still too sore to drive and so I asked if we could have a phone session instead.

Much to my surprise my T said no. I've been too triggered lately and feels it is best to only continue with face to face sessions for time being and said that I should just come back the following week instead when feeling better. (This would make 3 weeks between appointments).

My last session I cried the entire hour and was a fine hot mess so I had been really needing to speak to my T.

I understand that due to my high levels of dissociation lately T feels a phone session isn't wise, but on another level I feel so abandoned at a time when I really needed to talk, when I am in a lot of physical pain, for the first time ever T refuses to do a phone session with me.

I feel humiliated, ashamed and abandoned and I'm not sure if I am over reacting but I just feel like at a time I really needed T and tried to reach out, suddenly the rules have changed and I can no longer do phone sessions.

This isn't helped by my spouse threatening this week to try and take my children away by gaining sole custody and that they would use my mental health against me to do this. I was then screamed at that they will "f%^king destroy me". This was all on the night I got home from hospital and was triggered when I started to cry and ask for a bit more empathy and help from my spouse.

I just feel so alone and lost and I'm not sure if I am over reacting but suddenly I don't even feel the point of doing therapy and trying to be vulnerable when it's all just a pay packet to a T at the end of the day. When I really needed them they wouldn't talk to me!!

Advice? Am I over reacting?

 

[Muted]

It's hard when t's change the rules... do you think that maybe your t thought you were avoiding the in person session?

 

[Freedomfighter]

Been seeing my T for 4 years on and off. First 3 years it was just for general help with grief and loss but more rec...

Very tough when family problems intervene. My first T made me cry, must not have been the right therapy because now I am so much stronger, so much wiser, more experienced without having to actually physically go through trauma.
Sometimes I can just bow my head in awe.

 

[Kintsugi]

I don't think your T was really "changing the rules." I think your circumstance right now is different than in the past, and your T was trying to make the most responsible decision in this situation. If I tell a 16-year-old she is allowed to drink a bottle of beer in the kitchen, and then later she is next to my pool and wants a bottle of beer, I will likely say no, because glass + poolside = issues. I'm not changing the rules; the situation is different and has a different accompanying response.

I don't think you're overreacting in general. It sounds like shit has really hit the fan for you. I do, however, think you're taking it out on your T, because you feel abandoned when you're at such a low point. However, I really think your T wants to help you in the best way possible. I'm sorry you've been forced to endure so much stress without having the support of a weekly session. :sorry:

 

[Beaglefan61]

If you spent your last session just crying the feelings are really coming strongly right now so the timing of being turned down for a phone session must hurt. What your therapist says about risk of dissociation is stating the change is because concern for your well being. It is painful when wanting to talk so much yet your therapist may have concerns about you getting into waters too deep where you may be in trouble. I can see the therapists viewpoint yet at the same time it is too easy to understand how you would feel let down for support right when you need it so much more. You feel ashamed and abandoned, yet your therapist may not want to talk to you on the phone and have you fall into a place where if you are not in person you are stranded. What a fix!

Right when having such strong pain coming up having your spouse threaten leaving with the kids must be terribly painful. Facing old trauma can leave us very shaky and needing empathy. Getting new threats to stability, safety, and your heart when old pain that threatened your stability, safety, and your heart is coming up is a bit overwhelming for a combination. A threat to have your mental health used against you must have been terrible to hear. You are trying to get better and having to go through hell to get better. Having your state used against you as leverage for kids must seem a low blow. I am sorry you are not getting more empathy at home. Having safety and love during this time when feelings of being hurt and feeling less loved sure would be nice. Good for you seeking extra support here. It does not sound to be happening at home and right now it does sound every bit needed.

 

[Treelight]

Thank you everyone. I've had a bit more time to think and I can completely see where my T is coming from, and I realise it is with my best interests at heart.

It is just unfortunate timing with my surgery etc...

I think I have just been very triggered by being in a lot of physical pain and feeling like I have no one to talk to and no one who cares. I'm guessing this reminds me of childhood. In the past T has always been happy to do a phone session instead of in person and I had just come to rely on that sense of safety and probably took it for granted it would always be there.

I'm also embarrassed my dissociation has got to such a level in sessions. I never experienced these symptoms until recently and I am frightened by what is happening to me. I feel ashamed I am acting like that if that makes any sense. I think I felt quite ashamed that T felt it has for so severe it warrants ceasing phone sessions.

But I totally get why this is the case and I understand etc

 

[Kintsugi]

I hope you decide to become a member here. You would have more people to talk to. :)

 

[NightSky]

Thank you everyone. I've had a bit more time to think and I can completely see where my T is coming from, and I real...

I'm in a season of being triggered by physical pain after a medical procedure (due to slow healing after childbirth) and I know how draining it is. I've always dealt with triggers but never have I been consistently dealing with the same one for months without a break. I, too, feel very alone in it. I can't pinpoint why. I have supportive friends, family, husband and T. But I don't talk to them (except T) and talking to her doesn't make me feel less alone. It's confusing and frustrating. And I've dissociated in sessions throughout my entire history in therapy (3.5 years total, spread out a lot) and it is extremely frustrating. In fact I just emailed my therapist letting her know that during this time of being so triggered and feeling so alone, I need to be less dissociated in session so that it can actually be helpful. But I don't know how, and I need her help. Phone wouldn't work for that at all. You can look at her wanting you to be with her in person, as a new sense of safety. Because ultimately sitting and talking over the phone can compound things if you are dissociated.
Try not to feel ashamed. Your brain is protecting you.