I Am Being Manipulated By A Sociopath Friend For Years, I Need Opinions, Urgent.

[Argo32]

Hello, I am new to the forum and I want to share this story that has been hurting me.

All my life I have been abused emotionally by my family and school friends since I was young. Both my mental resources such as intelligent and certainty either has been suppressed or ripped out of me. Anyway, I am not trying to victimize myself, just to inform you about my history.


9 Years ago I joined a subculture group in order to make myself better, I thought that was a group that will make me better as person and improve me in every area of my life, turned out this group was attracting sociopaths literally. These guys were training to view other human being as objects under the mask of self-improvement, they were reading and applying books such as 48 laws of power, some of them were bragging about how they would f*ck other people, gross. In comparisson to my family situation, i prefered that situation


My critical thinking were low at this point, both because I wanted to be part of something to distract myself from parental abuse.

Some facts:

Fast forward, 9 years later after reading a book on the topic of sociopathy : just in the recent 5 days I have recorded him more than 15 lies both small/medium and one broken promise

He was actively discouraging to hung out with other people, even when i went to a therapist, she make her sound incompetent

He public persona is far from reality

He will make simple things to sound impressive and interesting

Always, if my I get growth in an area, he is getting angry and trying to make me guilty for my growth.


I just did a background check on him and found boards posts 10 years ago, he was using the same techniques and the same likes he is telling me now, the same also someone called him liar publically.

3 years ago, he stopped talking me for 2 months, later he admitted the reason was to make me depended.

Seriously i am getting angry and frustrated, I am thinking to stop the relationship?

I have integrated the person fully into my life, he is constantly messaging me on twitter, instagram, facebook.

Also, I want to mention all my whole life I have been a magnet of sociopath, the last years I am able to spot them and avoid them asap

What would advise?

 

[Ronin]

Hi, welcome.

What precisely do you want advice on?

It's rather unclear to me.

One book, sadly, isn't a good resource, even if enlightening reading, as to people's personalities and motives. Wild range of people, abusive and non abusive, with personality disorders and not, can meet those clusters - both in popular literature & professional handbooks. It's all good that it's helping you understand aspects of your life, but it's just it; a starting line for thinking, not a definitive guide.

As to avoiding a whole group of people? You can't. You can only learn to deal better with aspects of their behavior that don't mesh with you & protect yourself, but that's something for a lot of introspection and not an easy deal either.

With the concrete person? You're fully entitled to drop him & stop all contact if he's a nuisance in your life.

That's up to you to decide, just saying, you have a right to make that cut, and don't owe him anything, and don't owe him explanations nor apologies either.

 

[Deleted member 541]

If you feel that your friend is as bad as you say..... Walk away! Plain and simple.

 

[IamFree]

Exactly if someone is abusing you detach and walk away...although it may not be an overnight process if its someone you have been enmeshed with for a while..I am talking from my own experience when I say walking up to them and telling them to kiss your ass just makes you look like your the one with the problem..its good to come up with a strategy to begin the process of dismantling them and there influence from your life....this person sounds very manipulative so you need to be ready for the games people play to get you drawn back in....but its simple really...dont go back

 

[Friday]

What would advise?

That he could be the greatest person in the world and it would STILL be okay for you to break up with him & never see him, again.

 

[Gamera3000]

Yeah, just walk away. I know it's tempting to "figure it out" and "make sure" and "see where you went wrong" or whatever, but if this person really is a sociopath, you probably could not have seen him coming. They make sure you don't. Like someone else said, if he's a good person, there's still nothing wrong with just walking away. I'm sure all of us here do that sometimes, just to take care of ourselves. Sometimes a situation or relationship is bad for you and you need to just cut it off.

 

[Argo32]

I would like to thank all of you, for taking the time and replying on my thread, it really makes me smile!

It makes feel good to see that people here have high level of empathy , yes that’s right, by asking for advice what i really meant was" validating" the decision by a support group mostly. I would like to write a message that can covers all of you.

Ronin, I am not new into the trauma therapy, human psychology, I have been reading books on trauma therapy, attachment theory, and relevant books for years, by trial and error I have been able to release the 60% of my pstd, It wasn't easy but I had to do it. By avoiding them, most of the time if I don't have a choice, I am managing the situation.

I want to walk away, but it easier said than done, I think I have to adapt it gradually, since this person has been integrated deeply into my life.

What makes me concern the most is that this folkg may have recorded me, my secrets, my opinions about other people, my stuff. Why I assume this?
Well, he had told me that he recorded people either on phone or in person, he had admited with pride, that warns me most, I have shared some of the most intimated things, I don't know how to deal with this to be honest?

 

[Friday]

I have shared some of the most intimated things, I don't know how to deal with this to be honest

Have you ever seen him retaliate against someone? Very specifically a friend breaking it off? AKA your situation or similar? Use that as a guide as to what he's likely to do. Including if he doesn't retaliate against people, or threatens to & talks a lot, but never follows through. When you know what he's likely to do, plan accordingly.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Argo32 Honestly, I don't think that it's possible to walk away gradually. If this person is a master manipulator then walking away and not looking back is the only way to go, unless you are a very very strong willed person that can fend off this type of manipulation without falling on your face from the stress. It's not easy to deal with someone like this and maintain your sanity too.

My advice still would be to walk away and not look back.... But it's your call!!!,

 

[Ronin]

What makes me concern the most is that this folkg may have recorded me, my secrets, my opinions about other people, my stuff. Why I assume this?

You can still act unaffected.

You can still act as if anything he has against you has either no basis in reality (you pointed out there's huge discrepancies between how he acts in various settings - that's gaps that you can use to whatever purpose you need) & has no relevance to your personal life either - & as something that has, most of all, no emotional importance to you, at this point. A.k.a. old data, disregarding that.

Often times, information, even of the most intimate nature? Is only as valuable as someone willing to pay for it, or pay for protecting it.

 

[Argo32]

@Friday, on one occasion when some of our common acqustiances, tried to get in a "status" position on a project , he was talking subtle but bad mouthing him, also he revealed me some of this person secret's, the secret was deep, I don't think someone should share something like that to anyone. I guess he will do the same to me or doing it already, trying to misrepresent me and uses my secrets.



@She Cat honestly I want to leave right now, I am bored of his games, I am getting angry, etc. He uses the problems I have with my parents (they are low performing manipulators) to give the A/B either like "if you leave me, you will be with your abusive parents alone"



@Ronin I know a lot of his "hot" secrets that can definitely use them as my protection, I am afraid the consequences that will have for my future friendships, I mean my trust on close relationships has been damaged for sure, if I act like him, I am afraid to become one of them? If this make any sense.



For one more time my verdicts that he's been manipulating me confirmed. To verify this, I used a technique that you ask about feeling to someone, if he gets defensive or hesitating probably there is a high chance of maniplation. Guess what happened? I got coursed and shamed lol



I will be updating this thread constantly, seriously, it's been almost 10 years, it feels such a waste of talent, time. I wish I had better upbringing, unleash I would spot these behaviors unconsciously

 

[Ronin]

if I act like him, I am afraid to become one of them? If this make any sense.

Surviving & Self protection do not an exploitative asshole make. They just don't. You protecting yourself can't ever make you the same as who abused you & used you & tossed you to that hell. :hug: