Rant/observation

[Ine]

So essentially no one should be posting on here because if we all do our research we won't be getting upset over rage, guilt, anger, oh and if they have SI then don't fear everyone it's a symptom of PTSD so we can just crack on smile and not have a care in the world.

Everyone has different worries and fear and need help and support for different symptoms, so please have some compassion and think before you post. This posting might make people think they shouldn't be addressing isolation and they might not want to post now, I hope they do because there are supporters that don't mind listening and helping where needed.

 

[Inuzu]

I question why people use PTSD as an excuse to treat people badly. There are consequences for your behavior regardless of what your illness is.

 

[Hazuti]

OP: "Did you not research PTSD when they told you of their Diagnosis?"

I did. That's why I come here to b*tch about sh*t in my relationship, especially since I can't talk to him about it, let alone talk to him at all while he's isolating. Ya see what I'm saying?

 

[Ibani]

That's kind of like saying "Why were you afraid when you went bungee jumping? Didn't you do the research beforehand?" Or worse, saying someone can't feel worried or upset that they've been left behind when their partner isolates is like saying someone can't feel anger, depressed or stressed because things have happened in the past.

I'm not with my sufferer anymore, because I got fed up being in a one way relationship. Sufferers have every right to be angry, to be depressed, to need time alone. But supporters have the right to vent in a safe space, to get fed up of feeling used, to be upset. PTSD is a terrible thing, and I can't imagine what it's like to be in a sufferers head, but it's not an excuse for bad behavior, for making your partner feel constantly unhappy.

While it's great that you feel you can cope with the isolation of your partner, many people can't, and devaluing their feelings and opinions is pretty inconsiderate when they have a lot to deal with at the best of times.

 

[Ganacec]

At the same time, if you aren't ready to be in a relationship because of your PTSD, why drag someone else into that? It's just selfish, and there's a point where you cannot use the fact you have PTSD for your relationship failing.

 

[Vugoka]

I completely agree. If that person is aware of that, though. They might think they're ready and really want it, and then get completely overwhelmed by all of the intricacies that come with a new relationship and have to run away for a bit. And then everyone is hurting!

 

[Fepo]

Even better (and by "better" I mean so much worse) is when they don't tell you about PTSD, decide to get into a relationship, commit to it for years and years, say they won't run again (when you know that's what they do...just not why), and then they run away anyway. "Sorry, I can't anymore." Well...but you did. Maybe at this point, you need to start working on why you can't, get some help, and quit destroying the people around you because you can't deal with the commitment you made.

Yes, I realize it's "Not that easy." Nothing ever is. But it's part of being an adult and a human being. PTSD isn't fair, not for the sufferer and not for the people who love them.

And sorry, it's an angry day for me.

 

[Ona]

Boy do I know about that "can't anymore"!!!!!

 

[Pebit]

It ends up being a one way relationship, which is an oxymoron really :rolleyes:

 

[Ihomak]

I'm sorry, but if somebody f*cks off for weeks with no communication to their partner, they're a shit partner

I'll make a note to inform the tens of millions service members from the US alone, they're shit partners because they're out to sea, or deployed in an operational zone with little to no contact, for 6+ months a year.

Ditto all the humanitarian, aid workers, archeologists, oil riggers, commercial fishing, puddle jumpers, smoke eaters, journalists, photographers, scientists, and others who are out of contact for weeks and months at a time because there is no mail much less a phone back of beyond & miles out to sea that they're shit partners, also.

Of course, all that completely bypasses the hundreds of millions of people who actually live back of beyond, and don't just work there. Clearly, to you? Shit partners, all of them.

Or maaaaaaaaaybe what you need in a partner isn't what everyone on the whole damn planet needs in a partner? Maybe if you need constant contact you shouldn't be partnering up with someone who isn't going to be attached to your hip 24/7?

 

[Nili]

I'm the one who posted the quote above. My partner was in the military. We've lived that life, and it was fine.

Guess what though? I KNEW what was going on and why he wasn't contacting me. Big glaring difference between that and ghosting the one you supposedly love.

 

[Ara]

Guess what though? I KNEW what was going on and why he wasn't contacting me.

(I'm not the person you quoted. This is my first post in this thread.)

To be fair, you don't though. You know what they told you. You don't really know why they haven't contacted you. You can be as sure as trust allows that they are where they said they were going and that they are only out of contact due to being busy, or out of range of mobile phone reception.

Being a soldier deployed in a combat zone isn't safe. Being a firefighter in a forest isn't safe. Hell, taking a weekend backcountry skiing trip isn't safe.

Why is a sufferer isolating a terrible thing by comparison?
Because it's isn't glamorous or noble?

If you don't trust your partner to do whatever is necessary to do what they need to do, then come home to you safe. Then you absolutely should not be in a relationship with that person.
This applies to all relationships, always. Irregardless of dangerous occupation, or mental illness.

As much as I try not to let things on the Internet get to me, this hurt a bit to read. This is coming from someone who is deliberately single, out of concern that I'm not going to be a terribly good partner for someone. Being where I am mentally, I'm not in a place to divert enough time and effort to be the attentive partner I feel someone I'm with deserves.
This is just how I feel a relationship with someone should be. This does not make me correct about everyone else.

Being told that I am somehow not worthy of ever being in a relationship until I am 100% cured, kinda stings.
Especially considering my being this way wasn't my choice. But being dealt a shitty hand in life is just something I've had to learn to live with. What's one more thing?