Dom Violence Domestic Violence Support Groups

[Casey_03]

I have been considering attending a domestic violence support group in my area, but I can't get past the idea that I don't belong there, as my abuser didn't physically abuse me. He was horrible to me, and verbally and emotionally abused me all throughout my pregnancy, among many other things.

Tried to force me to get an abortion. Then, when that didn't work, used pretty malicious methods to try to create so much stress in my life that I'd have a miscarriage. Now he's claiming he's going to sue for sole custody of my child. And so on and so forth.

My question is ... would I be accepted at a domestic violence support group? Are they generally open to people who've suffered emotional abuse? I honestly don't know, but am hoping others on this forum may have a better idea. My T suggested it, but when I looked at the groups' websites it seems to be targeted only at victims of physical abuse.

 

[Deadman]

Yes. Almost any domestic violence group will take you. A group took my sister in for reasons very similar to yours.

 

[Kintsugi]

I would assume you would be welcome at a DV support group. If such a group were not open to other means of suffering from abuse, I wouldn't be interested, anyway.

One thing I will share, though, is that I've been in a sexual abuse support group, and I felt pretty out of place because I was the only one who had PTSD, which is sort of its own special sort of terrible. It wound up just not being for me, because there was extreme dissonance between my experience (which was extensive and caused PTSD) and those of the other attendees. I don't see why you shouldn't give it a shot, though. Maybe you could call the coordinator ahead of time and speak to them about your story?

 

[Snowflakes]

@Casey_03 I copied this legal definition: The Office on Violence Against Women defines domestic violence as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that’s used by one partner to gain or maintain control over another intimate partner. This behavior can include physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, and even economic abuse.

Yes, you have been a victim of domestic abuse. Without getting into detail because I have the anonymity of this site, I know for a fact that many no-contact court orders have been issued to abusers who never touched their victims and I also know for a fact about individuals in State Prison for felony abuse who never touched their victim.

If you have questions, talk to your local Court Prosecuting Attorneys office and ask for a referral to a DV assistance group. I've never heard of one that only helped physical abuse and excluded others.

As my sufferer once told me: I would have rather been hit than take the words he said.

 

[ladee]

Go for it @Casey_03 !
I feel it would really help to have Real Time support. You have and are still being abused. We can't have too much support!
Hope you check it out!
Hugs to you And LM.

 

[Twilight]

I have been considering attending a domestic violence support group in my area, but I can't get past t...

I think it would be of great benefit, i learned so much. Abuse is about power and control, not the actual physical harm that can be done. An abuser will use physical, sexual or emotional abuse just to establish fear in the victim. Once you are afraid, he can keep you under his power and control, which is his end game. He wants to control you at all costs bc it makes him feel powerful. He can emotionally make you feel off balance and insecure in order to get power and control. Or he can hit you or physically abuse you or sexually harass you for the same reason. Whatever "works" for him to make you do what he wants. So, it really does not matter whether it was physical or emotional, its all the same game, and everyone there will know and understand. They will not discount it, as a lay person would. (My Pastor thought i was lying since it wanst physical. I know he is just very uneducated about abuse)

 

[Freedomfighter]

I have been considering attending a domestic violence support group in my area, but I can't get past t...

Yes, absolutely, whenever someone tortures another human being they are violating their rights. If they are a partner than that is domestic violence.

It still amazes me how someone could claim that psychological terror warfare is not real abuse. Such abuse stays with you for the rest of your life. Bruises heal, but psychological abuse stays forever.

 

[Twilight]

Yes, absolutely, whenever someone tortures another human being they are violating their rights....

To freedom fighter

I agree. But people who don't know abuse think verbal or emotional abuse means someone called you a "b*tch" one time in an argument. They don't understand the whole psychological/spiritual warfare aimed a destroying another human being. This is a shame that people don't really understand what "emotional abuse" is. I have heard it is more damaging than physical abuse. I did not have repeated exposure to physical abuse, but i surely know the damage of emotional/sexual abuse and i have the medical bills to prove it. (since no one wants to believe it when i tell them my story, perhaps all the medical bills will be objective evidence??)

 

[leslie82]

I have been considering attending a domestic violence support group in my area, but I can't get past t...

Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter if it was physical, emotional or mental. Emotional and mental abuse are usually far worse than physical.

 

[WishfulThinking123]

Actually I was punched once and honestly that event doesn't really have a lasting effect on me at all....yes the emotional/mental abuse was far worse and lingering.

 

[Mal]

I have been considering attending a domestic violence support group in my area, but I can't get past t...

I am literally going through the exact same thing. He begged me for an abortion and now that I got away from him, he's trying to get custody. He abused me physically too, especially while I was pregnant. However, for me, the verbal abuse hurt worse. Verbal abuse is still domestic violence!

 

[bento]

Wow, my former husband did same--pressured me to get abortion, then later stated he would try and take full custody. Despite
showing no genuine interest in our children. Sometimes it seems like these guys have the same handbook for doing heartless
evil s**t.

DV support groups can be amazing, I met some great women. And yes, verbal and emotional abuse is considered domestic violence.
I even had one woman, whose husband was serving time in prison for almost killing her, state that she felt sorry for me??!! To
her the verbal and emotional abuse was so much worse. That comment woke me up to how damaging coercive control
in all forms can be.

Just a fyi though. The lead facilitator in the DV group I attended seemed to be on some kind of power trip and would chastise women who
were reluctant to go through her prescribed course: getting out asap with minimal planning, restraining order,
and using pro bono family law attorneys. Not all men will choose violence, many chose verbal, emotional and legal abuse. What
ended up happening to a few women was disheartening. To some people a restraining order serves only as a red flag and
inflames them further. And for personality disordered men with money, hiring the most cut throat lawyer they can find is the
norm. These lawyers make mincemeat out of inexperienced newbie family law interns. Some of the women ended
up with terrible settlements and ended up getting "help" from their former abusers or going without the basics such as
food and electricity. Some had become so traumatized by the abusive legal process they simply shut down. A few lost custody to
their abusers due to stress induced illness/PTSD. So if you hear some horror stories, please don't assume that will be you.

Take your time to get good legal advice when you're ready. And keep getting advice until you know you've found the right fit. It took
me going to 9 lawyers before I found someone who really got the whole DV thing. Most lawyers will give consultations for
free, and some will bill you at a reduced rate if you have a DV situation or defer a certain percentage of bill until settlement. Besides
getting support, getting good legal advice was the most important factor in helping me to get out and stay out.