Good trauma therapy is also kinda awful. It's really hard. :hug:
I had a friend once who said she wanted to go to therapy every week like me, so that way she could have someone tell her good things about herself and so she would leave feeling super happy and recharged. "It's like going to the spa."
She had never done trauma therapy, and frankly, I felt happy for her that she hasn't been through a battle where she had to experience with the reality of how hard healing from trauma can be. I did tell her, "we don't actually spend much time doing things that feel good. It's more like walking through the fires of hell, and holding on for dear life, and then um, trying to put myself back together, and then...the hour is up and I have to walk out the door and work hard to function."
I'm glad that your therapist is helping you pace out the work. Blowing bubbles can be so soothing!
It might be good to talk to her about containment skills if you haven't already. These are skills that help leave the therapy work in the therapy office. It helps to not be so shaken by the process. Some common containment techniques that many therapists use seem kinda silly, like imagining everything being in a box, in her office, before leaving. Sometimes things like this can really help though.
Even with the best containment, there will be crappy days. There will be grief and pain. It stinks. You are doing really brave and courageous work! it will get better over time.
Sending you gentle hugs if you accept them :hug:
