Oh! Oh! I did! I did! ....Sigh. Past tense. But the first 5-7 years it was pure unadulterated rage (hot...
I sort of escape it actually. Had a really bad episode of depression for about 3-4 years.. maybe another year. Don't remember.
Before I used to think I fully got out of depression but now I have more knowledge and am able to properly look back at that time, I realize that I wasn't really happy but I think in a more.. functioning dissociative state, if that makes sense?
I had a nice 1 year break from depression and it was nice. I didn't especially feel happy, I still saw the world as harsh and all that, but I wouldn't think so much of it. Things improved. My appetite increased, although I wouldn't talk to many people I eventually did.
But the thing that makes me think I was actually at some level of dissociation was the fact that I couldn't comprehend what my parents have done. If someone asked me about it I'd become kind of confused and react(mentally and physically) as if it never really happened or it was something I made up in my mind. I couldn't process my past and I'd only be in the present, which I think is what contributed to my feelings of some happiness or feelings of content.
Anyways. I eventually came crashing back down and now I'm here. A different kind of depression. I'm not bothered so much by the harshness of the world or whatever, I still hold roughly the same viewpoints that I had before when I wasn't depressed, but I'm back to feeling empty and all that. I think it could also be because of my age difference? A lot can change within a year. I was a minor when I was feeling depressed first and although I'm not 21/22 yet, I feel like my brain chemistry has changed enough to make me feel depressed in a different way.