Childhood The Years I'm Never Getting Back

[Deleted member 41702]

I never had a good relationship with my parents. My father sexually abused me for several years. Once he got caught he was sentenced to 27 months in prison. He got out about 2 1/2 years ago (early fall of 2014). My mother has always been really aggressive, getting pissed off about the slightest little thing, always over-reacting, wanting total control of my life. She has stolen a lot of money from me -all my savings. I currently live in foster care. I do not wish any contact with my family. I have no emotional connection with anyone at all. The thought of living together with other people terrifies me because i know I would be unhappy. By the time I get out of here, if ever, I will have to live knowing I had 23-26 years of my live stolen from me.

 

[The Albatross]

I can understand that it feels that way... "The thought of living together with other people terrifies me because i know I would be unhappy. By the time I get out of here, if ever, I will have to live knowing I had 23-26 years of my live stolen from me.", however it is a starting point. How I'm feeling "now" is a very poor predictor of the future.

Welcome to the forum Dexter, there's support and lots of recovery experience(s) here.

 

[featherless.wings]

I can relate to feeling like your life was stolen. My parents isolated me from the world and controlled every aspect of my life until I was 18. I feel like I was 'born' when I was 18, because I'd never lived before then (I could finally decide what to eat for breakfast!!). It's a tough thing to accept. Remember though, you can do whatever you set your goals on with the rest of your life. It's yours now. I know it's tough as you carry a lot with you from your childhood, but I think the biggest thing I've learnt from this forum so far is having a support network is really important. I've only been here a few days and already feel a lot more understood.

 

[Deleted member 41702]

I can relate to feeling like your life was stolen. My parents isolated me from the world and...

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am going to need a lot of time to start trusting others. I forgot to mention this is the first year of school that haven't been bullied.

 

[featherless.wings]

Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am going to need a lot of time to start trusting others. I...

It's not easy learning to trust when you've been given no reason to trust in the past. I went to University having never truly spoken to anyone outside of my immediate family before, and I was bullied a lot because I was different, having been basically brought up on a different planet. It took me a few years to make some friends, and the more people care and don't hurt you, the more your trust will grow. I've still got a long way to go too, and can hopefully find a good therapist to help me.

 

[FireSign8]

Yes, it truly sucks when the people who were supposed to care for us, turn on us like we (their children) are just meaningless "things". It took me many years to realize those same people who abused me were only carrying on the same bad behavior that they were raised with. I vowed not to do those same things to my child when I found out I was pregnant. It takes a lot of courage & strength to turn our backs on our "loving" families. But since I told my family to f*ck off when I was 25 & shut them out for almost 8 years, I had the time to re-parent myself & spare my own kid the horrors of dealing with screwed up grandparents.

My parents finally died & I never did get that apology I waited so long for. So, for me, those many years I spend trying to get my parents to say they loved me & that they were sorry for what they did to me, were the years that I truly wasted! But, things happen for reasons we may never know & I like to think that my time was not wasted, but used in a way that allowed me the time to not plot the murder of the people who hurt me so much. I am not a person who forgives & forgets. I have become a person who accepts. I like to say "it is what it is" & go on with my day. I have never been able to plan the future because the pain of failure is not good for my personal being...Yet, I know these people who abused me will always be in my head & all I can do is shove those memories off to the sides of my brain whenever they come to take over my day! I doubt it never really ends for most of us. It just fades with time.:arghh;

 

[Deleted member 41702]

Yes, it truly sucks when the people who were supposed to care for us, turn on us like we (their child...

I will spare my children of the horrors by not having them. As for wanting to kill my parents I've come to the conclusion that it'd be a waste of good ammunition. I will always view every day spent in this place as time wasted. The universe has a limited amount of time to cause some miracle to change my life. Until then my best friends will be computers, servers, video games and the bottom of a bottle. I am honestly starting to give up on everything. I just don't see the point. Oh well... At least it's guaranteed to end at some point. I will spare any woman the dreadful pain of living with me, and spare myself the horror of having a partner. It's a win-win for everyone.

 

[FireSign8]

I will spare my children of the horrors by not having them. As for wanting to kill my parents I'v...

I hear ya. Trouble is that some poor soul standing or working in the checkout line might be the one to have to take your "wrath" on that fateful day that you can't hold onto your rage. That bottle can be turned into a glass if you get yourself a glass cutter & start a new hobby. It helps to have something to do to take up the time...that's my point. Be safe & know you aren't alone in your distain for this life that we all appear to be stuck in!:O_o::poop::roflmao:

 

[Deleted member 41702]

I hear ya. Trouble is that some poor soul standing or working in the checkout line might be the one...

Step one is to get the hell out of Norway. The mental healthcare here is really lacking of resources. Cocaine seems to be a good distractor. I used to be in a band, but we split up. And nobody around here is into music, let alone listens to that kind of music. So my only hobby is computers and games. That's it. As of now I'm saving up all my money to upgrade my PC, because it's all I care about. I have tried 21 places to get a job, but after 2 months, I have gotten no calls. It's impossible to do anything here. I hate it here. My number 1 priority is to get out of here before I die.