Acts Of Kindness

[Deleted member 33052]

@ Mal Content I kind of miss that environment, it doesnt mean I have to put up with it, I could start a...

I think you're right about it being a big city phenomenon. I moved from a big city to this little village and I found it creepy that people - strangers - looked into my eyes and spoke to me as they passed on the sidewalk or at the store. It took a long time for me to get comfortable with it.

You know, though, you can spot the people who are receptive. Maybe you could start something good...

 

[Sheree]

I've just gone through a length court hearing, putting my perpetrator in jail and I'm now wanting to make a special day for the children's home full of beautiful little blessing that's been exposed too an abusive life and have no family or been taken away for there family.

Treat all of them too a movie at the cinema, popcorn an soft drink...sometimes its the smallest gifts we give that give them one special memory that may last for a life time.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I've just gone through a length court hearing, putting my perpetrator in jail and I'm now wanting to mak...

First, I would like to welcome you to the forum, Sheree! I'm glad you found us. I'm glad, too, that you've made it through what sounds like a horrific ordeal.

What you're suggesting is beautiful! Even one happy memory can help a child through a lot of difficulty. You could also consider a petting zoo, especially at this time of year when the babies are being born.

Thank you for reminding me of how big an impact am act of kindness can have.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Here's are a couple of acts of kindness from the perspective of the recipient. I've had a really hard time the last few days. Even while running errands I've been in tears or on the verge of tears. Two lovely young women at two different places took notice of my sadness and did what they could to show me that they cared. :')

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

What did they do, exactly, if you don't mind sharing?

 

[EmmaOwl]

Here's are a couple of acts of kindness from the perspective of the recipient. I've had a really ha...

That is very sweet of you to post here, Mal. Thanks.

 

[DharmaGirl]

The mentally ill are just tossed in jail then back to the street and back and forth.

Aren't we also the mentally ill?

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

Today we paid for the people behind us in the Starbucks drive through line. Just because.

I also did a random act of kindness for someone on the forum but it was done anonymously at first and so I'll just leave it at that.

I need to look for more opportunities to do something nice for strangers. My job is such that I always do a lot for my students, and I'm generally known for being a kind person, but I need to do more random acts of kindness for strangers, just because, like we did today.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

I'm always forgetting to post here, which sucks because that means I'm avoiding being present.

Today's act of kindness may have inadvertently hurt the recipient. I'd be grateful for feedback on this one. I don't regret making the effort, but maybe I could have done a better job of it...?

After getting some groceries, I noticed an elder (very elderly) wandering around the parking lot, carrying a couple of fairly heavy-looking bags. I got to my car and watched him for a minute or so as he walked from one lane to the next and then back. I drove up to him, and kind of laughingly said that I knew that look too well and I offered to drive around the lot and look for his car. I was afraid of embarrassing him and wanted him to feel like it was something that happens to everyone.

Anyway, I think he was embarrassed, mortified, maybe ashamed, and he brushed me off pretty quickly so I drove away, and parked a bit farther back in the lot, just to be sure that he found his vehicle. I was far enough away that he couldn't see me. It took him a few more minutes to find his car, and it was depressing to watch. Thank goodness he did finally find it because I was arguing with myself over how long it would take him to accept help, or even if I should offer again.

What was the right thing to do in this situation? I didn't know how long he'd been wandering around before I saw him. His confusion was plain on his face, but I think I hurt his dignity...

Oh, I should have mentioned that I really do lose my car frequently and I get embarrassed. So what if I was an elder and had to worry about senility? Or being perceived as senile?

 

[GrayOwl]

My humble opinion?

Very, very rarely is an act of kindness inappropriate.
And in this case certainly not. It's nice you're concerned as well about their emotional sensitivities, but their health and welfare comes first.
You could have sat a ways away and never approached them, making sure they found their way to familiarity and safe haven, but I think your course of action was most prudent and wise. They probably were appreciative, just not real able to express that as they were dealing with a state of bewilderment on other fronts at the time.
Kudos on a job well done and for being a compassionate human being.
Take care Mal !!!!!
;) :) :p

 

[Lola Nocheprieta]

I totally agree with @GrayOwl. A sincere act of kindness is a good thing, even when rebuffed. What's more important is that you (1) were not patronizing or infantilizing the person, and (2) that you respected his wishes and acted accordingly. You're a good, kind, compassionate person, Mal. Don't read more into his response.

An example of an act of kindness gone wrong is when someone infantilizes a person who uses a wheelchair, and doesn't respect them when they say they DON'T need help. I have seen people who thought they were "well-meaning" insist on "helping" someone to the point of moving their wheelchair against their wishes, which is highly inappropriate, offensive, and an act of micro-aggression.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yeah, that's pretty offensive. I remember taking a friend of mine, who suffers from cerebral palsy, to lunch once. The server took a look at her, then turned to me and asked me what she would be ordering. My response, "How the f*ck do I know? Ask her!"

I guess my issue with this elder was that he was in no danger and my attempt to help likely injured his pride. Of course, hindsight is 20/20.

It's tricky. You don't want to make assumptions based on your perceptions and biases, but you also don't want to see anyone suffer needlessly.