Using advice to punish myself even more

[anthony]

But all I hear is you re bad, you're bad.

That is you, not them. Another is not responsible for how you think -- this is a fact.

I will disagree with anyones opinion that claims they're abusing you. Each to their own on that one. They're doing their job and trying to educate you to your behaviours based on presented discussion. A therapists job is to educate you to negative behaviour and then try and implement alternative solutions, that are neutral or positive in effect.

Exactly what you're saying leads me to stand with the therapist. Your negative thinking is a huge problem for you, and one that only you can change for you. An old post that may help you: Unhelpful Thinking Styles

If you don't learn to recognise these negative thinking styles, so you can change them, then your therapy progress will continually be hindered.

Tell me what the words I quoted from you, reflects as a negative thinking style from the link I provided?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Another is not responsible for how you think -- this is a fact.

Agreed! FINALLY I agree with this!

@wishforescape, what helped me is Cognitive Therapy, CBT, Thought Record/ Thought Review

It took a REALLY LONG TIME but finally, after constantly challenging it like this really changed the way I look at advice or critism. My trigger is also "you are bad" exactly. It is what was said to me and really drilled in deep. But, you control it. You do! You don't think you do but you do. It just takes presistence to really start to change how your natural thoughts flow. But it can and will change, with work!

I know how hard it is for sure though! I would even take "nice" things and unitentionally twist it to say "you are bad" or some form of that. Spit it back at people and people are like "no, thats not what I said" or whatever. It is a battle you can win, for sure!

i have black & white thinking and I have emotional reactivity for sure! With PTSD I also have BPD which causes emotions to storm! Meds help that but I bought a DBT workbook: Dead Link Removed I went through it then went through it, put it on the shelf and have been back through it a few more times. It has been amazing help and with CBT and DBT within it, they have been amazing!

Anyway, I hope this helps some!

 

[mylunareclipse]

Thank you for your responses guys

I cannot see what you quoted Anthony.

I am not sure who are you referring to as them? You mean her as in my therapist? I know she is not criticizing me she is giving me advice i.e. Look at the title using the advice to hurt myself. Like saying sorry for saying sorry too much if you know what I mean. I.e. Using my distortions I guess not to learn but to prove that I deserve to be hurt.

So I was trying to ask for some solution on how to use the advice to help me instead.

I have started to punish myself a lot less since starting therapy, but there are issues that it doesn't matter how hard I think about them don't seem to go away.

My therapist doesn't do really do cbt or dbt really. She is more of a psychodynamic therapist. I told her right when she was telling me about this black and white thinking how I would use this as an example of why I am bad lol. She smiled.

One problem I have is that I still work in the same place and I am still in touch with my family, so sometimes all my sadness and triggers spill over.

My therapist has suggested for a long time that I start feeling anger. I seem to always turn anger into guilt.

Lastly, somehow I need to stop proving to myself that I am bad, I go out of my way to read things that will prove I am bad lol.

My emotional pain seems to be really deep and related to things I probably don't exactly remember. A year and a half ago I started recovering memories of abuse and body memories but o am still in denial about them. So when things like it wasn't my fault it wasn't my fault start playing in my head as a proof that things didn't happen to me because I was bad, the emotional pain is something is really deep and that comes from a place I don't even really rememember.

Somehow, I need to acknowledge these feelings In therapy, but whatever is deep in there it's easier protected by getting into feelings that i am bad rather than starting to think otherwise.