Sexual Assault I think i was sexually assaulted

[Frx1996]

So it's making me feel conflicted. She was putting on this charade of being nice but at the same time not letting me go anywhere.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

None of us think that you are being overdramatic about this. What happened to you was wrong and not easy to deal with alone. This is why all of us keep recommending you seek out therapy, or a crisis line. We want you to be safe and feel confident in this world.

 

[Frx1996]

I currently do have a therapist that I recently started seeing. I'm trying my best to deal with it. But thank you for your kind words.

 

[joeylittle]

Frx - it doesn't matter if it was a crime or not. What matters is how you deal with what happened.

Anyone who has ever been trapped , caught, coerced, intimidated, etc - looks for the 'what if', otherwise known as the 'if only I had.. '

You can't know what would have happened if. You don't know that you would have been able to stop it.

There are acts that are criminal according to the rule of law, and there are also wrongs. Things that may not be prosecutable but are nevertheless wrong. You were wronged.

You also made mistakes. But your mistakes don't somehow diminish the fact that what she did was wrong.

 

[Frx1996]

Frx - it doesn't matter if it was a crime or not. What matters is how you deal with what happened....

What mistakes did I make? I don't know what to say to this.

 

[Fadeaway]

You said, "I can't" That really sounds like a no to me. No=rape That is my opinion anyways, and I have read your post multiple times of the last day or so, to make sure I was interpreting it right.

 

[joeylittle]

What mistakes did I make?

From your post, it sounded like you had an inner voice that was aware the situation was moving more and more out of your control; you were uncomfortable. In the future, hopefully, when you notice that you are feeling the opening twinges of uncomfortable, you will feel better about trusting your own feelings and giving yourself permission to leave the situation.

Part of my rape involved accepting a ride. I can work on not blaming myself for getting in the car, even though I also know that it was actually a mistake to do so. I don't mean 'mistake' as in 'you screwed up', I simply mean, the times we make a choice that is not in support of our own safety.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

From your post, it sounded like you had an inner voice that was aware the situation was moving more...

Thank you for clarifying that because I want to apply it to my own situation when processing/dealing with memories.

 

[Frx1996]

Thank you for clarifying that because I want to apply it to my own situation when processing/dealing wit...

Thank you for clarifying as well. I just thought you meant that I messed up, and should have seen it. It's getting worse for me with intrustive thoughts and the facts I can't full remember what went down. Like specific words and phrases I do but not fully.

 

[woundedmind]

I'd say that this is a combination of things. One is you both have a boundaries issue, she steps over yours and you can't stick to yours, so you send a mixed message. That combination in itself will probably lead to more abusive behavior which I feel that this is. Apparently, she may have a history of this type of behavior with the same results. I'd also attribute this to inexperience on your part and the addition of alcohol which wouldn't help judgment, but she may be well aware of that, so a sexual assault did take place IMO based upon your report given a variety of facts, none of which I was there to observe and corroborate. I'd feel that for the next person, you really ought to report it. This would be a slam dunk case for most juries if she had been a male for rape, if brought to a DA in the USA, IMO and experience.

 

[Kintsugi]

This would be a slam dunk case for most juries if she had been a male for rape, if brought to a DA in the USA, IMO and experience.

This. Yes. I agree.

 

[GWhizz]

Again thank you so much for our response. How would personally you interpret this? I understand there is grey area, bu...

I don't think you should avoid talking about this with a T because there's "nothing to be done about it". If that were the case hardly any of us would seek help or treatment. As someone who has experienced rape I can tell you that there is nothing I can do to change it and the chances of prosecuting the perpetrators are slim to none. But it doesn't mean you don't deserve to process and fully understand what happened here. Alcohol adds to your confusion as to what exactly took place and how decision-making was impacted.

I'm glad you've taken the step coming on here and acknowledging that it wasn't right. You seem very clear on this which is great. A lot of us spend to long caught in ill-placed personal guilt and shame. Intimacy is such a personal matter. Although it may be difficult to label exactly what happened here, this girl clearly has issues with her sexual behaviour and has some alarming history it would appear. I wish it was as easy as reporting her and knowing that she could change her behaviours. But unfortunately that has to come from her. And so we can only do our best to protect ourselves in the future.