Sexual Assault I think i was sexually assaulted

[Frx96]

I don't think you should avoid talking about this with a T because there's "nothing to be done about it"...

I still feel so much shame and guilt. I feel like it's a part of me that I don't want to explore even though I'm taking the steps to do it. She has a history of this. I wasn't allowed to move because she was yelling at me to drink. And she kept coercing me and just wouldn't let me leave. Which is why I'm just feeling guilty because I could have said no. But I was afraid I wasn't in a position to say it.

I was so dizzy and could barely move I kept asking her to stop I couldn't drink anymore.

I feel so ashamed even talking about all of this. I should have said I couldn't. But she wouldn't stop.

 

[Mona]

Check out "Aphrodite wounded" website. It sets out what constitutes consent. What you described sounded like sexual assault at least. Whether it is prosecutable is not the issue. The issue is that your reactions following the event are those of a victim who has been traumatized. "Submission is not consent." Telling you to stop shaking means she recognized that you were being traumatized and was blaming you for it. Been there! It too me years but I eventually accepted it was rape because I had repeatedly set boundaries and said no. But in the end I didn't fight him off I lay there shaking not knowing what I was supposed to do. He responding by complaining I wasn't any good at sex. It was my first time-and it wasn't sex, it was rape. I hope you give yourself permission to acknowledge that and stop shaming and blaming yourself. Regardless of what happened later you were drunk and you had been bullied and felt that you weren't free to choose.

 

[Casey_03]

Random question, but do you know her former friend who also accused her of this? Is it a mutual acquaintance of some kind? I'm torn on whether or not to suggest talking to that former friend. If only to validate what you're feeling and help you make some sense of things. But that could also backfire, and she might not want to talk about this.

Your story reminds me of a roommate I once had. She drank heavily and she often became rageful and nearly violent. I wasn't close to her, she was just a roommate and fellow student. But she would get hammered and come pounding on my door and demanding to cuddle, implying sexual things. There was one time she tried to break down my door in a drunken rage to get in and lay in bed with me. It was genuinely terrifying. It never went further than that, but I can see why you reacted the way you did.

 

[repressed memories]

Yes you were sexually assaulted IMO.

 

[Frx96]

Random question, but do you know her former friend who also accused her of this? Is it a mutual acquai...

I have no idea who this friend was. The only thing she told me was that they used to be extremely good friends, just like we were at the time. She never went into any detail about the story, but just that they got drunk, and that things went down, and this friend accused her of taking advantage or assault, and completely removed her out of her life. and when my friend told me this story she was just laughing, like I was too because I couldn't believe my ears, I wanted to defend my friend, she even mentioned this story on the night of all of this happening.

The thing is, I felt like other parts of the night were consensual, which is why I'm so conflicted and feel so guilty and disgusting.

Check out "Aphrodite wounded" website. It sets out what constitutes consent. What you described sounded

This all kind of a blur what was said. But she did ask if I wanted to I nervously said yeah I'm just nervous. She was just laughing while I was shaking. At the end of all this she said "well at least you're not a virgin anymore" and laughed and I guess I kind of laughed not knowing what to say. What haunts me is her telling me not to "fight it" on the couch and that she could see it in my eyes that I wanted it.

I can't accept that my best friend would do this. I just can't. I want to think that it was my fault maybe I led her on somehow even though i never said anything and she saw I was uncomfortable. Even thinking about this makes me so depressed.

 

[joeylittle]

The thing is, I felt like other parts of the night were consensual, which is why I'm so conflicted and feel so guilty and disgusting.

Other parts of the night were consensual.

But she did ask if I wanted to I nervously said yeah I'm just nervous.

Like this. You said yeah. Now you are of course always allowed to change your mind. But changing your mind after the fact doesn't change what happened in the moment.

I can't accept that my best friend would do this

Well, they did.

I'm sorry to be blunt but I don't see why running in circles with 'who was at fault' is going to help you. The answer is, you made mistakes. You were also pressured and taken advantage of.

Are you planning on seeing a therapist?

Also: consider creating an account. It's free, and you are posting regularly. With an account your posts do not need to sit in moderation, waiting for staff to approve them.