Dealing with friends from the past

[Fayne Jane]

I have hurt, offended a lot of people over the last few years. I have alienated my remaing family members who won't speak to me all of which is my responsibility for my outrageous behavior. I have been through EMDR and I am on a healing journey in which I have changed tremendously in how I respond and react. My issue is that many from my past view me from my past and don't experience or see for who I am now. How does one deal with this??? I have been rejected by one who states she doesn't understand my "illness". Today after writing an email about working on who I am now a friend told me she could see a "shit fit" coming referring to my past anger outbursts despite how much I have changed. Do others or can others learn to experience me as I am now, in the present? Lost on this one?

 

[intothelight]

Time....it takes time and the continued and stable change in your behavior and emotional regulation. Real friends will be patient and help see you through this. Trust and closeness will return in time.

 

[Muted]

Truly, this may sound harsh but if they don't really know me and who I am, because they've never bothered trying to understand me I don't give a crap what they think. If they think my behavior has been 'outrageous' in the past, they're clueless. I am so tired of people who just don't 'get' it. If they don't like me, they can move the heck on. If I've 'reacted' and offended someone because of my PTSD, they can stay out of my way because I DIDNT do this to myself and I have been working my butt of for YEARS to try and be 'normal' again. I am who I am and I'm not someone who intentionally hurts anyone, but I'm tired of tiptoeing around and trying to explain myself to people who refuse to hear.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thank you Into the light! I appreciate your response.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thank you Gia, I guess for me it is hard for me that my past friends don't see the changes I have made. I have tried to make amends but it isn't easy. Sometimes i think I should just move on and meet new people who haven't experienced my past anger. That will see for who I am now.

 

[Muted]

I'm not or haven't been the angry type, but if I'm pushed and/or super triggered I WILL respond for sure. I've been around a lot of people who are angry though and I think if you have changed and try to work it out and apologize and it doesn't go anywhere you can move on. If they're willing to invest in the relationship and you can work through things that it's only going to strengthen those relationships.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thanks Gia I appreciate you suggestions

 

[Fayne Jane]

I guess I am hurt as this person is one I have emailed in detail my experiences with EMDR and the changes I have made. andt" then to say they are expecting a "shit fit" hurt me and I felt she dismissed all the work I have done to find myself. This is someone I have know off and on for 30 years. I am just trying as hard as I can to find my way in a new place with who I am.

 

[Deadman]

I am just trying as hard as I can to find my way in a new place with who I am.

Think about how hard that has been for you. Then think about how hard it is for someone who hasn't had a similar experience to understand what that is like. That is where the friends from your past are.

 

[Deleted member 541]

While I understand exactly what you are going through, you have to put the shoe on the other foot. You've stated that you hurt others with your behavior in the past. I don't know how, or what you've said/done but sometimes it's hard for people that have been hurt to move past this.

I had a friend of almost 25 yrs, that did something that really hurt me. I can't move past it. Even though it wasn't anything big.

 

[Fayne Jane]

Thanks for the feedback

 

[anthony]

My issue is that many from my past view me from my past and don't experience or see for who I am now. How does one deal with this???

Writing an email to someone from your past, phoning them, or such, is not going to change anything. Trust is earned, sometimes given until broken, then difficult if not impossible to get back. Like trust, people only have your experienced behaviour to go on. This means that you need to keep improving yourself, stop worrying about those from the past, and get on with your improved version. You will meet new friends, you may regain old friends as they see a constant pattern of stability with you in society and such.

Focus on the present, not the past or the future. If you do the present well, then your past becomes better in memory and your future is far more optimistic and healthy.