Sufferer Partner Of Addict

[Fadeaway]

No one here is trying to be mean, but misinformation is hurtful and causes real harm. You have been misinformed. If you were diagnosed based on your other trauma and not your spouses actions then it's all good.

Understandably, you are new her and unaware, but telling @anthony to do his research is like telling Mozart he should learn to play the piano or telling Einstein that he should read a book and learn about the theory or relativity, because you are sure he has never heard of it.

When it comes to PTSD knowledge he is God mode while most people are still trying to learn how to tie their shoes.

 

[Justmehere]

When you mentioned cPTSD diagnosis that suggests you likely either struggle with dissociation and/or BPD... or you have a shit doctor or therapist. Folks come here from time to time with crappy doctors or therapists, and it would be foolish to ignore that.

The symptoms of cPTSD usually start off early in life. They can screw up one's ability to get into healthy relationships. You mentioned that you knew at least a little of some problems prior to marriage and yet still married him. You may have some codependent patterns that were learned to survive earlier trauma that fueled you getting pulled into this relationship with an addict without realizing it. Most partners of addicts have some codependent patterns. It doesn't make his actions your fault, it's just part of realizing the past trauma was playing a role long before you found out about his secret life.

Now finding out that he cheated on you for many years, betrayed your trust, and possibly put you at risk for STDs is stirring up the symptoms from the past trauma.

In your efforts to heal from the pain of this relationship with your husband, don't ignore the trauma prior to this. It's been playing a role long before symptoms related to this marriage popped up.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I have had other trauma that will fit neatly into your box,

This is why you were diagnosed with PTSD! I agree, why not lead with this?

For instance, my ex cheated amd was also abusive, which the abuse does fit criteria A, however, I obtained PTSD due to my childhood, not my ex. My ex escalated my undiagnosed PTSD symptoms a ton, but my diganosis is 100% based on my childhood.

 

[Deleted member 42433]

Well, thank you for your hearty welcome! I feel super supported. You have no right to tell me what to lead with. This is a message board and you are not my editor. I have PTSD. No, I won't send you my paperwork. I am too busy trying to make it from day to day. I'm not sure why the responses I'm getting are so aggressive. I'm sharing information as I learn it and know it. So, are you. I'm not asking you for documentation because I don't feel proprietary over this condition. I didn't fear from my life whilst being kidnapped or raped because I was too drugged. Yet, I still qualify for PTSD. Life simply doesn't fit into neatly designed boxes. Again, I came here for support, not to be reproached, upbraided, or lectured. Can you stop now?
Link Removed

Primary posttraumatic stress disorder may be diagnosed in an individual who experienced, witnessed or was confronted with a traumatic event and responded with intense fear, helplessness or horror. Intentional traumas (e.g., combat, sexual assault, terrorism and mass violence), as well as unintentional traumas (e.g., natural disasters, accidents), may cause this pervasive psychiatric condition.

 

[anthony]

Can you stop now?

Can you stop posting further misinformation. Your above link, dated 2003? You are brand new here. You have trolled thus far, now you complain about myself (the owner of the site) and others who have responded here, across the community. This is the definition of trolling. One more, you're banned permanently. My tolerance for trolls is super low.

Here is the current DSM 5 diagnostic criteria for PTSD: PTSD Diagnosis - What is PTSD? Understand The Signs of PTSD

This is the current criterion A:

A. Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence in one (or more) of the following ways:

1. Directly experiencing the traumatic event(s),
2. Witnessing, in person, the event(s) as it occurred to others,
3. Learning that the traumatic event(s) occurred to a close family member or close friend. In cases of actual or threatened death of a family member or friend, the event(s) must have been violent and accidental.
4. Experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic event(s) (e.g., first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse).

My advice is that you ask questions about PTSD when unsure, instead of further posting misinformation.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I didn't fear from my life whilst being kidnapped or raped because I was too drugged.

This is why you were diagnosed, not your partener's double life. Which is what everyone is saying! If you had PTSD when your partner reveled his double life, it could make PTSD symptoms already there worse or cause PTSD to come out of the shadows making it seem like it caused PTSD but it didn't unless he was whom kidnapped and rapped you. Otherwise it was the kidnap and rape that caused your PTSD.

 

[Teasel]

I just read the definition of an internet troll on Wikipedia and it says the person posts "with the intent of provoking readers..."

I don't think either side of this discussion intend to troll.

 

[anthony]

with the intent of provoking readers...

That is exactly what has been happening via a repetitive pattern. Once, sure, twice, maybe coincidence, but a repetitive pattern of posting outrageous responses, becomes intent.

 

[Justmehere]

@Ifeelruined - please hear me out. And then feel free to disregard anything that is not helpful.

I have PTSD.

Yep.

I'm not sure why the responses I'm getting are so aggressive.

They are not aggressive. They do disagree with you. Those are two different things.

Here's a few things that might help to understand about how PTSD and cPTSD are diagnosed and why you are getting so much pushback:

1.) The cheating and betrayal of sex addicts can lead to mental health problems in spouses... and they are usually the opposite of PTSD.

Yes, some develop depression and anxiety. Pre-existing PTSD would be likely to get worse. But for the extensive betrayal itself, most partners actually start to obsess over the betrayal, and focus in on it, instead of avoid it. While with PTSD, avoidance is a major symptom.

This article, Abusing the Term Trauma, is by someone who agrees with you that sex addiction is a real thing. He explains how spouses of sex addicts usually have opposite symptoms of PTSD better than I can explain.

2.) You don't need a PTSD label from a specific event to validate something is hell, awful, terrible, and harmful to you.

3.) PTSD is not JUST the trauma or event someone endures, it's also about what mental health symptoms someone presents.

4.) The majority of people who survive Criterion A events do not go on to develop full blown PTSD. A subset do.

5.) The diagnosis is not made based on the amount of fear someone felt during an event.

Consistent with a diagnosis of PTSD, you are avoiding and minimizing the criterion A trauma, the rape and kidnapping....

Consistent of a mental health battle after being extensively cheated on by a sex addict, you are super duper focused on the cheating/sex addiction. Zeroing in on it, to the exclusion of other matters.... Instead of agreeing to disagree about which incident caused the cPTSD, you are now engaged in a battle over the cheating, if it was the cause of PTSD, when everyone now agrees you have PTSD, the cheating was awful, etc. Yet you still repetitively try to get a reaction over the cheating.

It has to be very painful to deal with all the consequences of what he did. I'm guessing your life really centers around it right now. Finding out a group of peers don't agree that's the sole cause of your symptoms now, and urges you to look at issues you have perhaps been avoiding, like the rape and kidnapping, has got to be super painful.

I mean holy sh*t, you were drugged and raped and kidnapped! That's HUGE. You forgot to mention that when explaining the trauma that lead up to your diagnosis. You only mentioned it once challenged that your intro didn't add up. That's avoidance right there. Hallmark sign of PTSD. We are not trying to be your editor. (We all really do have better things to do than edit.) This forum community works hard to be supportive, but tends not to fuel avoidance of major issues.

Your partner is an addict who clearly harmed you by his actions. You were raped and kidnapped. You do have PTSD. So drop the repeated posting, we get where you stand, and move forward... Do you have a good solid trauma therapist?