Wrong name

[DogwoodTree]

My new T keeps calling me by my sister's name...the sister who is my emotionally abusive mom's golden-child and who I struggle to get along with.

I'm sure he's not doing it on purpose, and I have pointed it out, and he did apologize. But he keeps doing it, even in writing.

There are no other red flags or issues with this T, and he's pretty sharp otherwise, so I don't plan to go find another T over this. But it hurts.

I have 4 younger sisters, and our names all start with the same letter. We were rarely addressed as individuals growing up--we were always "The <LastName> Girls." And since our parents were divorced, I was always charged with looking after the others. So in many ways, I grew up resenting them. I never felt like a unique individual in my family. I only played a role designed to serve everyone else's needs. I was invisible as much as possible because my needs and my identity didn't matter. And now my youngest sister eclipses me even with my T.

Just a vent, I guess. I know I'll have to address it if he doesn't catch it himself. I just don't have the energy for that right now.

 

[FauxLiz]

@DogwoodTree I am sorry you are having this issue with your T. I was one of four girls, our names weren't similar as your family but I also had two brothers and countless times my mother would confuse us with each other calling out all 6 names in a row to get our attention etc. I also had about a dozen first cousins in my very small home town (1200 people) so I never had my own identity as we were all just referred to by our last name.

Anyway, I personally would see this as a red flag that couldn't be overcome. If my T called me by any other name, family member, other client for me it would break any trust we had developed.

 

[Deleted member 37085]

Venting is good and I can certainly relate to the "golden child" syndrome as my sister was most definitely this and I have been called her name by mistake more times than I care to remember. And I too so grew up resenting her and I don't anymore for only in hindsight now I am able to see her trauma as being as real as my own therefore I have no ill will nor resentment left for her. At times I miss her then reality check there was never anything between us really to miss and this hurts like craaazzzeee.

For together, and also separately at times, we survived the unthinkable and we never had a happy childhood. It was filled with extreme violence and torture, no happy memories to link us together. And she does not miss me due to my being one of the most explosive triggers if she were ever to allow herself to be around me. For we (my sister and I) shared a horrific family nightmare and history. I have to be honest in order to move forward I have to be realistic myself about my sister in order to maintain my sanity and move on ahead with my life, instead of holding out hope that we will ever share a good solid life foundation ever. Thank you for this thread.

 

[Friday]

I'd probably ask him...

Do you call out other women's names in bed, too, or just at work?

But that's me.

 

[Marisea]

I don't think I could deal with this from my therapist. I too was a mere ghost shadow in my childhood compared with my sister. Long story but I have realised the intense need I have in therapy and that is to be me. My trust is fragile and easily shattered. Good luck Dogwood Tree I hope you can sort it out to your benefit.

 

[DogwoodTree]

So I'm not overreacting to be bothered by this? I really thought I was just being too sensitive.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug: @DogwoodTree



@Friday you crack me up. :)

So I'm not overreacting to be bothered by this? [/Q...

No, you're not being over sensitive.


Last night I watched the Frasier episode where he kept calling his girlfriend Faye the name "Cassandra"....another woman he dated. Well Faye and Cassandra eventually cross paths and meet in the coffee shop. I'm sure you know how that one ended!

 

[Naoru]

Yikes. I'd probably have a retort like @Friday and call him out with a good laugh. And show up with a bold name tag.

Do you have a nickname he could use instead?

 

[UnicornSightings]

I'd probably ask him...

Do you call out other women's names in bed, too, or just at work?

But that's...

You are awesome!!! Lol

Yeah, that's pretty freaken basic... Know your client's name.... should NOT be difficult.

At the very beginning my t spelled my name wrong. Like maybe one or two times in emails. I let that slide but she knew my name!!!

Make a big deal out of it because it IS a big deal, especially with what you've said about feeling invisible and not having an identity. You need this. This is not hard stuff. He needs to get his $hit together pronto with this.

If it were me and it was a new t I would call HIM by the wrong name but then, I still have some passive aggressive stuff to work on... lol

 

[DogwoodTree]

Just to squelch my own sense of paranoia...

Is there any chance an otherwise ethical T would be seeing two members of the same family without those people knowing?

It makes me sick to my stomach to wonder if maybe he's seeing my sister, too... (or worse, my mom...)

 

[DogwoodTree]

Do you have a nickname he could use instead?

No. I always wanted a good nickname, but my name is too short to be shortened and too simple to be played with (at least, not in a nice way). My step-father gave me a nickname that was somewhat derogatory, but obviously that wouldn't work here.

 

[UnicornSightings]

Just to squelch my own sense of paranoia...

Is there any chance an otherwise ethical T would be se...

Ask.