Valuable forums: invaluable me

[Deleted member 37474]

Perhaps. I find myself searching the topic to see who has posted. If there have been posts, I like...

Try Simply Simons word association game. You just write a word. Just make sure you go all the way to the end though.

 

[digger]

I edited my post above with some extra info which may, or may not, be useful to you.

I also don't like the idea of being searchable.

Maybe consider posting to a diary in the members area, or posting in the premium members discussion area? Neither of these are searchable.

When I was talking about posting to the social forum as a starter, I was thinking more of the type of threads like the word association one, or what are you listening to etc which aren't really opinion based so you don't have to factor in anxieties about that.

Small steps.

 

[EmmaOwl]

I don't know if it is making me less guarded in what I write or if I am just becoming more comfortable, or if I just need to process

That does sound complicated. I wish I could make it easier for you!
At least you'll have a good first topic, ready to go at the beginning.

 

[Suzetig]

Did you worry about getting banned for not posting?

I think the fear of being banned is a very real one for some folk when in fact a tiny proportion of members ever get banned. We only ban people when they aren't working within the community constitution - that might mean they are so symptomatic they post while actively suicidal, or they attack someone else or can't regulate themselves. A member with any kind of presence here will usually know they're heading for a ban because we're pretty clear with warnings and they'll generally get a short ban - kind of like a "time out" first.

There are loads of members who lurk and read only and are never banned. We do try to encourage people who live in chat to come and post on the forum because there is more opportunity for constructive help but even then we'd generally take away chat privileges for a couple of days, not ban completely.

Maybe think about that fear as being a symptom of your PTSD - something to work through and overcome. If you honestly think you've done something or not done something that you might be banned for you can always raise a ticket and staff will have a look for you.

There's lots of advice about posting light hearted stuff in Social that may work for you - I'm liking forward to the time when you feel comfortable enough to let yourself be here in the way you would like.

 

[EveHarrington]

"By the time I'm finished doing my legwork of trying to decide whether or not it is a safe topic, I come to the conclusion that a) my question has already been at least somewhat answeredsomeplace else or b) whatever I was going to write about doesn't really matter and isn't good enough for the forum. Or c) whatever I might say may be the wrong thing, and I may upset somebody else. That is the last thing I want to do. I also don't like the idea of being searchable."

Maybe realize that at this point in the game, with how large the forum is, no post is going to be 100% original in that pretty much every topic you could ever want help with has, in some way, been already discussed by someone else. Just because a topic has been discussed before doesn't mean you shouldn't post.

Nothing is really "not good enough" if it's a struggle you have and you need help. That is, if it's something you want to improve and want to discuss with others, it's good enough to post. We all have struggles, big and small. If we minimize them to the point of shoving them under the rug, we don't heal.

As for upsetting someone else? It WILL happen! This is a forum full of people with triggers so varied that you can't protect everyone. Upsetting material is a form of exposure therapy that helps people in the long run. So on the flip side, treating us all with kid gloves actually would be detrimental to our recovery. As long as you're not attacking people and being nasty, you'll be fine.

And even though the forum is searchable, if you take the proper steps of leaving out identifying details, keeping your username hidden from people you know, not even telling them you come here, then the chances of being found are slim, very slim.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

For me, I went all out in posting. Posting what could arguably be called too much. But its what I needed to do, for me. Get it all out to a shitload of people. Let the secerts go, to more then just my therapist because, with just him, it still felt like a secert. To me, this was telling "the world".

But, for you this may be fear of judgement, fear of letting "secerts" out, fear no would understand, possibly wanting to protect your abuser if a victim of abuse. That is something I still did in my first months here. Fear of anonymity. Fear of being "found out". It could be shame. It could be many things.

Maybe try to post something "small". A tiny bit of information, void of all details unneeded, asking a clear question or something clear to give advise on. Start small and I think, eventually, whatever the fear is will slowly disapate.

a) my question has already been at least somewhat answered someplace else

Those answers were for that poster and their set of circumstances, situations, trauma, mindframe. Your question can be completely different with completely different answers (and usually completely different posters replying).

b) whatever I was going to write about doesn't really matter and isn't good enough for the forum.

Everything and anything PTSD related (and issues caused by PTSD as well as the orgonal trauma(s)) is "good enough". There is no "good enough" standard here. As long as it somehow ties back to PTSD (since it is a PTSD board).

c) whatever I might say may be the wrong thing, and I may upset somebody else.

You don't have the power to upset someone. Not possible. They control their own feelings and emotions. They upset themselves.

I also don't like the idea of being searchable. I do realize that is how I found this place, so it isn't really fair to say that. At the same time, the thought scares me.

It scared me too at first and I did the very best I could to hide who I was, what State I live in, what other State I lived in, and even known phrases and names of things, known details, names I still don't say but my point is, I made myself as anonymous as possible because I have a family actively googling (and binging) me to find what sites I am on, they join (or just lurk), print out what they can, pass it around, gossip like mad, harass my dad about it and cause my life a living hell. They have yet to find me here and I have relaxed all the "can't say" things.

The chance of real world people finding you, even when searching for you, is nill and you can change your username once a year I believe. You can stay fully anonymous on here. I have.

I have not told anyone this site address. I do not follow the site's social media (so if they saw a snippet of my thread on social media, they won't know it is me) and those that live with me only know I am on "my site" or "the PTSD site" (they do not have the knowledge to google a forum for PTSD and do not know what a forum is - there are plenty of PTSD sites), and no one in the real world knows or could guess my user name.

Stay with that and you should be fine.

 

[jade53]

What it could be is the same as many I've seen that are apprehensive. Often there's sort of a combination of shyness along with a humbleness feeling as though they don't really deserve the "honour" of a PTSD label in comparison to others. To be honest this is about the only place I'll talk about it and flat gave up on "therapists"

 

[anonymous]

First of all, thank you to everybody who has responded. I know a lot of thought goes into responses and they do take time.

I'm reasonably comfortable posting in my own diary but still find a lot of anxiety over starting threads of my own.

@digger, I do not even know where I would begin to write in a diary. I am amazed at the insight I have found through reading other's thoughts, struggles, and dark secrets. I also think that I dont have a whole lot to write. Honestly, I am having a very difficult time with the thought of PTSD describing me. Perhaps others would call it denial. Im calling it soul searching for the time being.

I spend a lot of time reading diaries. Somehow, anything I might write seems like it would be inadequate and perhaps a slap in the face to those who actually had something important to write about.

Does that make any sense at all?

Yes @Allie D. , it does.

Try Simply Simons word association game. You just write a word. Just make sure you go all the way to the end though.

@TexCat, I have done this one. I am a huge fan. :)

I edited my post above with some extra info which may, or may not, be useful to you.

Maybe consider posting to a diary in the members area, or posting in the premium members discussion area? Neither of these are searchable.

When I was talking about posting to the social forum as a starter, I was thinking more of the type of threads like the word association one, or what are you listening to etc which aren't really opinion based so you don't have to factor in anxieties about that.

Small steps.

I have done the association one. I enjoy that one, but even there, I find myself deleting posts and worrying about what others will think.

I think the fear of being banned is a very real one for some folk

@Suzetig, Very much so. It is one reason I have played the association game. It's a post, right?

t hearted stuff in Social that may work for you - I'm liking forward to the time when you feel comfortable enough to let yourself be here in the way you would like.

Thank you for your kind words.

But, for you this may be fear of judgement, fear of letting "secerts" out, fear no would understand, possibly wanting to protect

Fear of anonymity. Fear of being "found out". It could be shame. It could be many things.

@lostforgottensoul , all of the above...

Thanks again for the responses.

 

[ladee]

You are being honest in your sharing with us, and that is very great to read... as has been said,,, just take your time... you will get comfortable, you will come to recognize peoples names and see how things are done... and just reading is very helpful... you can always send a private message to someone if you have a question about a post or anything for that matter, and it is private... you can ask your question and feel comfortable that no one but the person you wrote to will see it...

And one thing I want to touch on...each and every one of us here are responsible for how we interpret something.... if some one is triggered by what you shared, it is up to THEM to stop reading, step away for a few minutes or read something else.... you don't sound like you have a mean bone in your body, so don't think you would be attacking anyone.... that is not tolerated here, at all...

So, take your time, read what you are interested in... use a help ticket and ask admin and the mods for help... they will do that... give them a little time to answer you.... they have a huge job, but they will get to you...try not to edit yourself into not sharing honestly for fear of upsetting someone.... it is our responsibility to handle our own upset....

Happy you want to be a part of things... just go at your own pace... no rules about when and how much, and you might find yourself on overload at first.... just take a break.... this place is real !!! You will do fine... And the threads on Social are a lot of fun, and it is an easy way to step into being a part of things.... You will do great !!! supporting you while you get comfortable.

 

[Mach123]

Yes because getting flamed triggers me. I am much better now and have been posting a lot very recently but I am always nervous especially because you can't come back here a couple hours later and delete what you wrote lol!

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Like @lostforgottensoul, I joined and pretty much spilled my guts. It was a leap of faith, as, like most cptsd sufferers, I expected to be either ignored or rejected. I learned a couple of years ago though, that secrets are a breeding ground for shame, at least for me. The harder I make it for myself to hide, the easier it is to battle my shame.