How to interpret this

[Suzetig]

nd in that case, as far as I know, the situation changes pretty seriously in his favor and he can get court-ordered visitation in the UK.

That's not a given by any stretch of the imagination. He would need to evidence involvement and relationship with the child. He hasn't provided any financial support or involvement - no social worker is going to support a child being removed from mum for contact internationally where there is no pre-existing relationship.

The other part of that being that even in the event of a UK court mandating contact, they have no way of enforcing that outside of uk borders. There are only two types of order that would allow a child to be returned to uk against parental wishes and neither would apply in this case - and the child can't be "returned" to the uk when they've never been resident here.

If dad is named on the child's birth certificate he would be considered to have parental rights here automatically- of not, it's no simple thing for the court to award parental rights. In the absence of any evidence of abuse you really do need to consider your child's right to some level of relationship with their dad - even in the case of proven domestic abuse children would have some level of contact but it would be difficult to say the least for him to fight that from the uk.

 

[Casey_03]

@Suzetig Right, he wouldn't get anything more than visitation automatically, but if he starts paying child support he can work his way up to getting court-ordered visitation in the UK, without me present. As in, he could take the child for several weeks at a time. A lawyer said it would take a while to get to this point, but it would almost certainly be granted if he behaves normally, pays child support, and shows the court he wants to be involved. There is also such a thing as mirror orders, in which a ruling issued in a UK court gets transferred to a U.S. court, and then it would be obligatory in the U.S. I am not saying I think a court would order that the child reside in the UK permanently, but I believe that even if he just got court-ordered visitation in the UK, he'd abduct the child. And possible move out of the UK.

In the absence of any evidence of abuse you really do need to consider your child's right to some level of relationship with their dad - even in the case of proven domestic abuse children would have some level of contact but it would be difficult to say the least for him to fight that from the uk.

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right -- if this is meant for me directly (as in I need to consider a relationship for my son with his father) or if you're speaking generally here, in terms of court proceedings. But I have repeatedly attempted to cooperate so they could have a relationship. Repeatedly, to my detriment. I did let his father visit numerous times in the beginning, and it ended when he became abusive towards me and began showing up at my door hurling threats at me for not letting him in whenever he wanted. (He was explicitly asked to not come at a certain time, but he came anyways and became aggressive and started threatening to abduct the child). More recently, he started accusing me of child abuse and saying he'd filed a petition to have my son put in foster care. To me, that's pretty significant because it was aimed solely at causing distress, though I do believe he actually would do something drastic like that just to make me suffer - he would make stuff up and call child protective services and he wouldn't care how all the stress and chaos would affect the child.

He has repeatedly said his sole intention is to "take" the child from me and have his mother raise him as her own. He doesn't even have any plans to be a father, just wants his mother to take him. I know a court wouldn't allow this, but my concern is that if the court gives him enough leeway, he absolutely will abduct the child and move to another country, possibly India. He has not demonstrated at any point that he cares about the child. Instead, all of his energy seems aimed at making me suffer as much as possible, and I don't want my son to get caught up in the crossfire of that.

 

[Suzetig]

Those behaviours are the things that a court would need to take cognisance of when making any decision about contact - you've said he hasn't done anything actionable but then describe a set of behaviours that are actionable certainly in the uk. im very surprised his threat to abduct your child isn't enough to warrant some form of protective action - it would be here.

I'm assuming all of his communication isn't verbal so you'll be able to evidence the threats etc if it did go to court?

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Casey_03 The fact that he is an ocean away should be a comfort to you...... I would be comforted by this fact. The laws are very different here than they are where he is. Again, if he came here, first of all he would have to prove that he is the father. DNA testing. It doesn't matter whose name is on a birt certificate either, you could have put KING KONG down and it wouldn't have mattered. He must prove through blood test he is the father.

Then there are all sorts of other crap he would have to prove in a court of law. All the accusations he's hurling for one!!!!!

What I see is a guy that is a f*cking abusive nut job and he knows how to get under your skin and he's doing a really great job at it.

I know you've stated before that you don't want to go to the IT department and have his email blocked because you don't want people getting into your business. Well, as I see it you have 1 of 2 choices here.

1) Have his email blocked and you have less stress and can focus on other things like your $$ issues, your son and your job!

2) Continue to listen to his bullshit and become more and more increasingly agitated, upset, anxious.

He's a bag of shit and until he comes to the U.S to LEGALLY fight for his son, there isn't dick shit he can do....

 

[Casey_03]

@Suzetig That's the problem -- the very serious threats are not documented, so there's not enough evidence of abuse. His behavior during his earlier visit, for instance -- I was able to record some of it on my phone but didn't get the part where he threatened abduction. (I wasn't prepared for all that, because I'd asked him not to come and he showed up without warning) All I did get actually sounds pretty innocent. But the really bad stuff - it's my word against his. And the threats he made earlier were made on an app that automatically erases all conversations. I didn't realize it right away, but I realized later that he did this intentionally so that he could bully me and not have it documented. As soon as I realized what he was doing, I refused to communicate with him on that app and said I'd only use email. But then of course he straightened up his act in most email communications, because he knew that was being documented. He's been really very clever throughout most of this. Basically, most of the threats I do have documented were made using fake names, so he could deny that it was him in court. When he harassed my employer and my family, he also used a fake name.

@She Cat Yes, he definitely has a lot of obstacles in his way. He'd have to spend a hell of a lot of money to establish rights, and then he'd have to start paying child support. I don't think he wants to take on that kind of financial burden, but his family might be pushing him to do so. And for all I know maybe they'd cover the legal costs.

As for blocking his email, my concern is that I can't just go to the IT department. I have to go through my superiors and explain the situation, and then they have to decide whether to contact IT (it's all outsourced, and I'm not even on staff). Most of the journalists I work with get harassing emails from crazy people, and they don't block the email addresses. So I'd have to give them a pretty good reason to block him. He got me fired from my last job by harassing my employer, so I really don't want my job to know of the situation. But also, the lawyers advised me to get more of his emails so I could get more documentation. They basically said I don't have enough at this point to prove what I need to prove. I think I'll just have to stop opening his emails. I only opened the last one because I thought it was a threat (this was after i told him to stop contacting me, so when I saw that he did I thought he might have escalated)

My other thought is that he might be waging this whole harassment campaign so that I don't sue for child support. I'm not sure he's that clever, but it's possible he has been doing all this to make me not want him to get legal rights, which would mean not filing for child support. In the very beginning, I did ask him if he'd help with money, so maybe that was his plan all along -- scare me enough that I won't seek financial help. (I stopped wanted financial help from him long ago, but he is pretty delusional, so who knows what he thinks)