Relationship Cptsd

[Simon12]

what are the long term symptoms? Is it possible to have a stable relationship with someone with CPTSD? What can you expect?

 

[Fadeaway]

I am not going to address the long term symptoms because my brain is totally fried right now due to lack of sleep, and they can be different for each person. so hopefully someone else will pick up the slack there. Oh wait, that's a symptom right there! Sleep is fragile and more often than not elusive.

Long term fairly relationship is doable with a lot of work. But chronic stability, not likely. There may be long periods of stability, but even with a lot of symptom management and therapy the symptoms wax and wane. A stressful event can send us back to square one on symptom management.

 

[simon12]

Because I been dating this girl for about 5/6 months and she is like - u remind me of my abusive ex 80% of the time. I am like I was never abusive though. I kind of threw me off completely.

 

[EveHarrington]

Is she in treatment? Has she been in treatment?

If the answer is no, there is less likelihood of a stable relationship-----especially if she is blaming you for reminding you of her ex.

IMHO she needs to stop saying these things and she needs to own her triggers and work on her triggers. Her triggers are not your fault!

 

[StarChild]

and she is like - u remind me of my abusive ex 80% of the time. I am like I was never abusive though.

Hi simon12. - How are we supposed to give helpful advice when reading one single very vague sentence that says something but nothing at the same time?... If you want to know more, you have to first give more specific information / insight into that relationship of yours, than just a one-liner about "what she or you said". Why not start and describe one or two significant situations, where you and your girlfriend interacted? Not opinions, but fair presentation of facts, of what happened in, or before such situations, where she said(?) that you remind her of her abusive ex?

- By the way, what age group are you two in? Is she officially diagnosed by a psychiatric specialist? And is she currently in a regular therapy with a professional trauma therapist? - What are your expectations of a relationship, and what are hers?...

she needs to stop saying these things and she needs to own her triggers and work on her triggers. Her triggers are not your fault!

Um...really?... Without knowing anything, but a super short statement / opinion of the poster? From my experiences at a forum like this, all we can do in such a case, is throwing around our opinions, which may range from (a very tiny bit) helpful at best, to (super) unhelpful and a waste of time and effort at worst, for both sides...

 

[Spacecadetess]

I think accusations like that within 5/6 months are not great.. she may have her own bout of issues though. We all say things we regret later, if this is a recurring thing though then that's a problem. I think if you have cPTSD you need someone very stable and resilient.

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi simon12. - How are we supposed to give helpful advice when reading one single very vague sentence...

I stand behind what I said, 110%

I believe my advice applies to EVERY PTSD relationship. Own your triggers. Don't blame others for triggering you. And don't tell your current partner that they remind you of your abusive ex.

This is rock solid advice IMHO and I will not change it based on one person's opinion.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I would just point out that unless the OP knows her triggers and is purposely triggering her on purpose, it's not his fault.

She is triggered, the OP isn't "triggering her". If he reminds her of her ex, that's a her issue. It's happening in her head.

Supporters can carry a lot of guilt if they are blamed for triggering their sufferers. Part of being in a healthy relationship with a sufferer is letting that guilt go. Nobody can be responsible for anybody else's mental health.

 

[StarChild]

@Sweetpea76, I just wonder right now... Is your post a general statement? Or did you write it in response to a particular post or impression you had, or even something else? I do ask so specifically, because I'm not sure whether there's:
a) already a misunderstanding of the OP's post, or
b) whether you consider one of the responses contains an accusation towards Simon12?...
because you wrote:

unless the OP knows her triggers and is purposely triggering her on purpose, it's not his fault.

Of course it's not his fault! Where to this point was expressed or hinted, that anything is his fault at all?... But there's surely more to Simon12's relationship story than just:

she is like - u remind me of my abusive ex 80% of the time. I am like I was never abusive though.

@EveHarrington, yep rock solid advice, to whomever it applies. It was just he hefty way you reacted in your first post; as thou you yourself were in the op's shoes, is what astonished me, considering the scarce info's we got so far... - It is however my experience, that it would be much more helpful for us, but even more so for @Simon12, if he could provide us with more information. Why?
1. The chances of getting more specific answers as well as more helpful advice, that applies to his / their personal situation, would increase drastically.
2. The risk of misunderstandings and (mis)interpretations would be significantly reduced.

(Because in my experience, a forum does not work like a lottery, where you can get a ton of correct matching answers and advice, by only putting the minimum stake in = scarce info's...)

Ah, much to long a post I wrote. Okay, that's it, I'm out of this thread. Good luck to you Simon12!

 

[EveHarrington]

@Sweetpea76, I just wonder right now... Is your post a general statement? Or did...

I'm not so sure why you are so critical of other people's advice?

It's up to the OP to take what he wants and leave the rest.

If people start policing everyone else's opinions, sooner or later nobody is going to want to post!

I'm sharing based on my opinions. I'd appreciate it if you didn't come along and become so critical of my opinions.

Am I perfect? No. I merely share based on what I know.

Please STOP dragging me over the coals because you have a different opinion than mine.

All opinions are valid. Ok?

Are you in a triggered state right now?

 

[simon12]

To be honest. I was very upset. She had told me on numerous times during course of our relationship she loves me and that I mean everything to her.

To give more details of why the comments she said was so upsetting, just a few days before she had cutlery delivered to my house, with a dinner set (plates, cups etc) for us to enjoy together... and suddenly a few days later... you remind me of my ex 80% of the time, I dont want a relationship, I want to be single...

Sure we had a rough patch, but it was a bit messed up to come out with that type of comment. I noticed she has a tendency to suddenly say very cold comments out of the blue on two occasions previously. Its like she can withdraw completely very easily.

My guess is that only part of what happens in our relationship is going through her head, the rest is flashbacks from the past and extreme responses.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Let's keep this thread on topic please. This is about helping a supporter who is asking for advice, not critiquing other posters.

The ignore feature is there for a reason @EveHarrington and @TreeHugger, don't be shy about using it.