I Feel Like An Impostor, But I Registered Anyway.

[Invictus_88]

I feel like something of an impostor, if I'm brutally honest. Nonetheless, I had to register here.

Even if it wasn't a rape, even if nobody died, even if most of the time I'm absolutely fine and coping comparatively well with unrelated and intense stress through my academic work, I still tick all the boxes and still want to get past my accident and into the sort of carefree joyfulness that came so much more readily beforehand.

So please go easy on me. I've never been shot, never been attacked, and feel enough of an impostor already. I'm just here to get more of a view than I can get from my brother's university psychology books before finally going to see a doctor.

Kayaking accident. Only didn't die due to chance and luck. Pinned underwater upside down under a tree at an angle where I couldn't get out. River in flood.

 

[amethist]

Hi Invictus_88

Welcome to the forum.

Please do not feel an impostor as any trauma can induce PTSD, no matter what it is.

There are many on this forum who have had accidents, been attacked by dogs, lost loved one's whether by accident or just by natural causes. Not all sufferers have been shot at or been involved in any other type of conflict of violence.

You are welcome to be here, to learn and have as much support as you need.

Good luck

Amethist

 

[cragger65]

Hey there. I think one of the main criteria, if not THE main criteria for PTSD is a confrontation with ones own mortality. It screws with your head, big time, and you can say with certainty that you did indeed face the distinct possibility of death. In my opinion, there's no mystery in your issues, whatever they may be, and most certainly no posing.

Take away from here whatever helps, and leave the rest.

 

[pebbels]

Hello Invictus_88:hello:
Welcome to the forum,:Hug_emoticon: please stop feeling like you are an imposter:naughty: because your NOT. There is so much on this forum that will help you in some way.

All the best:smile:
Pebs

 

[Hemels]

Hi Invictus_88, :hello:

Welcome to the forum :smile: Like others discussed above don't feel like an imposter. Like Anthony said any trauma can cause PTSD and by the sounds of your accident (even though it was a short explanation) now wonder you have ended up feeling like this.

Hope you find what you are looking for in this forum,

All the best

Hemmy xXx

 

[nie]

Hi and welcome. There is a lot of great information here that can help. May you find some answers and start to feel more a part of the group.

Nie

 

[Invictus_88]

Thanks for the welcome everyone, (and thanks for the edit, Amethist).


Being helplessly confronted with one's mortality certainly alters you, but not always in a way that I can understand. I've been aware of PTSD for a while, as I'm applying to join the armed forces and have naturally read about its incidence amongst veterans, but having had it thrown at me before I'm even in the army is not what I wanted or expected.

I mean, flashbacks make sense. Waking up terrified and unable to breathe makes a sort of sense too. But the period of self-destructiveness which followed the event, and the worrying inability to connect emotionally with people was really odd, not to mention problematic. It doesn't make sense so me, and I don't know how someone gets rid of these things.

The self-destructiveness has faded now, as have the crazy drink-binges and violent urges, and that's thanks to the love of a very patient girl, but it's difficult to talk to her about the flashbacks and the re-experiencing of it because she just cannot understand what it's like.

She can only imagine it as a recurring memory, rather than as something that comes out of nowhere and is tied to emotions, sensations and a sense of...violent helplessness. Heh.

I can't blame her for not understanding that one.

 

[Invictus_88]

Hi and welcome. There is a lot of great information here that can help. May you find some answers and start to feel more a part of the group.

Nie

You're right. I just discovered the two "Forum Extras" links. They're very useful indeed.

 

[Noone.]

Hello I88.

Everyones situation is different, none more important than the other.
See you around the forum.

FIRE.

 

[2quilt]

Welcome to the forum; PTSD is an illness that we get from many potential causes. Your trauma was indeed valid and your feelings are real.

If you have not gotten a diagnosis and treatment, get some.

And, also, I am a Desert Storm veteran, and I beg you not to go into the military. If you think that life is hard now, you will get no sympathy, empathy or comeraderie for PTSD symptoms in the military. You will get shit-quality food, shit-quality bedding, shit-quality medical care by doctors who have jobs there because they can't be sued, and your PTSD will get worse. You will hate your job, and soon you will find out that all that money they offered you to sign up was a lie because there is fine print that they never tell you about and you can't sue the govt to get the money and promotions and benefits they promised you. The military is a scam. You will be walking into a warzone, and if you dont die, you will come home with permanent damage to your body that the government will deny that it caused. It will shorten your life and take away your quality of the life you still have. Don't do it.

 

[cragger65]

I was going say also, this may have been the Universes way of interveneing with your plans for the military. Give you a taste of the horror that could become for you. I'm so glad 2quilt has the genuine experience to back that up.

Deal with what you have to deal with, your plate is already full.

Dave

PS. Can someone tell me where to find the "Forum Extras" links? Thanks

 

[Invictus_88]

I was going say also, this may have been the Universes way of interveneing with your plans for the military. Give you a taste of the horror that could become for you. I'm so glad 2quilt has the genuine experience to back that up.

Deal with what you have to deal with, your plate is already full.

Dave

PS. Can someone tell me where to find the "Forum Extras" links? Thanks

Oh, I'm ok with stresses and horrors. I don't want an easy life. I just don't know why this kayaking thing got to me when other things haven't. I've got lost in a blizzard, been swept out to sea (aged 11) and rescued by the RNLI, and been in Jerusalem at the time of a terrorist attack, and all of it I managed without the faintest struggle.
I like to think I'm good at handling stresses, because I quite simply always have been, it's this background that makes my response to the kayaking accident seem so strange to me.

Though, I can help with the forum extras. I'm in Chrome, and they display on the left hand side. The links are here for you in case they don't display for your browser:

[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/misc.php?do=page&template=forms"]Assessment and diagnosis forms.[/DLMURL]

[DLMURL="http://www.ptsdforum.org/misc.php?do=page&template=learning"]Some super-helpful info.[/DLMURL]