What is "apparent confidence"?

[Smile]

First off, I hope all you Americans had an easy July 4th

I had a T session in which I was telling her that my suicidal ideation was getting much stronger and so she moved the conversation into the direction of asking me what do I WANT to live for.

I told her it's always been my dream to have a family of my own, husband, kids. But I can't seem to find the right guy so maybe I can just do artificial insemination and have the child on my own so that I at least have some of my hearts desires.

I've told quite a few close family & friends and they were all for it except one who couldn't believe my T thought I can handle this in my current situation.

So I brought it up to T and she said the reason she's not concerned is because I have what she called "apparent confidence" and she explained it amlike this; when something happens and I'm the one there that's responsible, I'm more than able to take care of it.

I'm just wondering if any of you have ever heard this terminology? Opinions on the whole subject are much welcome as well.

 

[joeylittle]

she explained it amlike this; when something happens and I'm the one there that's responsible, I'm more than able to take care of it.

I'm not familiar with 'apparent confidence' but I am familiar with 'future planning', and your ability to speak towards a future dream for yourself is an excellent therapeutic indicator that, despite the ideation you may be having, you are working on the right track forward. Future planning is an awesome thing.

 

[kilted]

For me suicidal ideation comes and goes. As joeylittle says, a sense of having something to live for trumps suicidal ideation.

Your therapist's use of the phrase "apparent confidence" could have all sorts of meanings, so if you wonder what it means the only person who really knows is the therapist.

The first process in the therapy room is the building of relationship.... part of this is establishing a mutual language, where both of you understand what the other means when they say things. This can only happen if both sides are prepared to say "I'm not clear about what you mean by that?" If you are not able to do that and are coming on here, I'd say that the therapeutic relationship isn't well established.

Go back to the therapist and ask them..... after all that's what the therapist is doing with you....they have a vast arsenal of ways to say "What do you mean?".... it's what they do all day!

 

[Smile]

For me suicidal ideation comes and goes. As joeylittle says, a sense of having something to live for tru...

You're 100% correct! I had another session and asked her about it and she said the phrase is actually "apparent COMPETENCE"

A lot of the time I have a hard time thinking of questions until I'm out of the session so I (usually) ask it the next time

 

[Smile]

I'm not familiar with 'apparent confidence' but I am familiar with 'future planning', and your abili...

Thank you @joeylittle for your confidence in my ability to "future plan". I don't have the confidence that I'm able to buy at least I know someone realizes :)

 

[joeylittle]

Ah - apparent competence! That I have heard of, yes. It means demonstrating an ability to solve a problem or navigate towards a solution. It's a strong positive for people with mental health issues to demonstrate apparent competence. :tup:

 

[StellaBlue]

Ah - apparent competence! That I have heard of, yes. It means demonstrating an ability to solve a...

"Apparent competence" is also a term used in DBT to describe when someone hides their vulnerability by appearing as if they are coping when in fact they aren't.

 

[joeylittle]

is also a term used in DBT to describe when someone hides their vulnerability by appearing as if they are coping when in fact they aren't.

Interesting! Is it a negative or a positive, in that context?

 

[kilted]

Depends on the context. Apparent competence could be a strong defence, Transactional analysis would use it's five Driver behaviours to describe this eg "Be Perfect", "Be Strong", "Try Hard", "Please Others" and "Hurry Up".

These help us cope with the world and hide our vulnerability/shame/guilt/inadequacy from others. "Apparent competency" seems like a vague term that could cover many positive and negative aspects..... eg apparent competency could mean you are actually competent, because you fulfill all the requirements of the role you are apparently competent in...... so the therapist may move toward getting you to drop the "apparently" bit and accepting your competence. alternatively it could also mean that you are prioritising one part of your life while other aspects of your life/health/relationships are falling apart, which could be unhealthy.... or a logical response to a survival situation. Where it is associated with C-PTSD is where one thinks one is in a survival situation, but one is not. This is familiar territory for me!

I found TA's Drivers concept helped tease out the underlying issues. I can use them to look at what is driving me when I find myself not paying attention to my own needs.

 

[StellaBlue]

Is it a negative or a positive, in that context?

In my case, it was negative, "therapy-interfering" behavior - although I recognized it long before the therapists did. Basically, I was showing up, doing all of my homework "perfectly" and was still dying inside - to the point that I attempted suicide and my DBT group leaders and DBT therapist were shocked.

But, as @kilted pointed out - defenses have purposes - so there are certainly positive things about this coping mechanism as well.

 

[kilted]

The clue to the limitations with CBT/DBT is in the name... they are behaviour therapies. If the client's behaviour "improves" that is the measure of success..... unfortunately it may just be the client conforming/adapting to the new environment created by the presence of the therapist.

THere's a metaphor somewhere called the drowning man..... it's something like a man who is floating in the water with weights tied to his feet and balloons tied to his arms The balloons are defences (Drivers) and the weights are subconscious problematic and maladaptive ways of thinking about himself and the world (Injunctions/Counter-injunctions).

If the therapist works on removing "defences", the guy sinks..... so the therapist has to look at what the defences are defending against first, cutting the ties to the weights..... BEFORE messing with the ties to the balloons.

 

[Smile]

Transactional analysis

Fascinating! What is TA?