Ex-t emailing me distressing things...do i tell current t?

[EveHarrington]

I don't think it's your job to have others understand she isn't safe. You've raised concerns, it's for...

I totally agree!

I think you should hand over all evidence you have and then walk away, change your number, email address, etc.

The truth is that short of murder, if what evidence you have now isn't enough to keep her from getting her license, then nothing will. It's pretty fukked up that the licensing board is telling you to still stay engaged. You deserve to move on.


Hell, I half way feel like telling you to reverse "stalk" her. Tell her sorry ass that you've reported her and she won't EVER be getting her license in your state. Then I'd tell her that no matter what she does, no matter where she goes, she won't ever be a therapist because you will contact that states licensing board and report her behavior to them, too----because in today's day and age, she won't be able to hide. But, I won't tell you to do these things as it would likely push her over the edge and put you at risk.

 

[EveHarrington]

Yes, thank you, you are absolutely right! I know logically that I need to just let them take ca...

What's stopping you from contacting her other clients anonymously and letting them know she's a bonafide (haha) psychopath?

 

[joeylittle]

The investigator gave me her cell number and told me to text/call with everything she does. She told me not to block her on text or email because everything she sends is more proof against her. She knows it's stressful for me but said I am helping many others by trying to keep her out of this profession.

I'm not sure this is good advice, or even necessary at this point.

Please ask your therapist what his opinion is, in terms of what is best for you.

The investigator has plenty of information at this point. You need to disconnect from the old T and her behaviors, which are causing you distress. And there's nothing that law enforcement can do to keep her away from you. So: I'm of the opinion that you'd be better off moving on at this point. Block all incoming contact.

 

[Muttly]

I really have nothing to add to what the others have said, but I wanted you to know I've read the whole thing. I'm so sorry you have experienced this. I understand it's really hard to not blame yourself, but please try. What if someone told you, they'd never gone to therapy and there therapist tricked and mislead them? Would you blame that person or the therapist?

Also, I want to echo what others have said. Try not to engage with the old T. No matter what is said, don't respond. And I think it's worth talking about the option of blocking the old T with the new T.

 

[chaotic harmony]

What's stopping you from contacting her other clients anonymously and letting them know she's a bonafide (haha) psychopath?

I have actually given this a lot of consideration and talked to my cousin about it because he's an attorney. He told me that there was no way she wouldn't know it was me and that given her craziness she would most likely sue me for slander. I can definitely see her doing that too. I just hope they can see her for what she is a lot sooner than I did. :confused:

I'm not sure this is good advice, or even necessary at this point.

Please ask your therapist what his opinion is, in terms of what is best for you.

The investigator has plenty of information at this point. You need to disconnect from the old T and her behaviors, which are causing you distress. And there's nothing that law enforcement can do to keep her away from you. So: I'm of the opinion that you'd be better off moving on at this point. Block all incoming contact.

I am leaning toward this more and more each second. She has email 12 times today and it's just getting to be too much. Would I be invading anyone's privacy here if I printed out this entire thread to bring to my T tomorrow? I don't want to make anyone feel unsafe. I really appreciate everyone and your kind advice! :happy:

 

[EveHarrington]

I have actually given this a lot of consideration and talked to my cousin about it because he's...

Ahh Attorneys! (A lot of them are idiots.)

The thing is if you stick with facts, provable with documentation, there is no slander. In the USA the burden of proof is on the complaintant. All you would have to do is share her communication with you and not say another word.

I find it odd that you have a bleeding heart complex on one hand but on the other you're saying her other clients better figure it out on their own.

Does not compute.

 

[joeylittle]

She has email 12 times today and it's just getting to be too much.

Yeah - you don't need that.

If you think there is any doubt - if your communication with her telling her to leave you alone was equivocal in any way - send one return email saying only, "Do not seek to contact me by any means, do not try and approach me in person, do not keep watch outside my home, or violate my privacy in any other way. Our professional relationship has been terminated, and I will not engage further in a personal relationship with you. This is the last communication you will have from me." You can Bcc the investigator if you wish.

And then set her email to block. Set her phone number to block. Forward the email to the investigator, if you did not Bcc her. And be done with it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

trauma work takes more than 45 minutes a week.

Nope. No, it doesn't. I've had a lifetime of growing up in a cult and my therapy is 45 mins a week, every week and has been for 8 yrs. And he is male and has taught me more about safe touch and healthy sex then any female could have.

Do I show these emails to my current T and ask him about everything she said?

If you want to clear you mind, sure. I probably would just because it would make me tailspin most likely but she is manipulating you. I agree that you need to cut all ties. Change your email addy, your phone # and any other way she can contact you and put some of those cameras at your bedroom window pointing at the street below. Or I would anyway.

But, yeah, everything she said is a ton of bullshit only meant to make you question your current therapist. Don't listen to that crap!

 

[scout86]

I don't want to scare you, but I want to emphasize, again, that you should be careful going forward.

They say the most dangerous point in a bad relationship is when you decide leave. That's exactly where you're at. It's not a 'relationship' in any normal sense of the word, but it's some kind of relationship to her. And she's pretty unstable. Run how to handle it past your T, maybe. I'd suggest firm but not confrontational?

I'm not sure the advice you got on what it takes to merit a restraining order is accurate. In any case, those orders really only work with people who are sane enough to honor them. But take this THAT seriously. She's threatened some kind of suicide thing. You really don't know what she's capable of. I'd suggest you err on the side of caution and assume she's capable of about anything. But, talk to your T. He might be able to help you assess the situation accurately.

 

[Suzetig]

I wouldn't contact her current clients, that would give her a "reason" to continue contact with you and I'm assuming they are adults and responsible for assessing the suitability of their own care provider. You can safely assume her behaviour is as unboundaried with them as it is with you. In my experience if people can't see problems with their T themselves, they don't see problems when someone else points them out either. So, save your energy.

@joeylittle guves an excellent script for any last communication with your ex-T and then block her on every form of communication. What she does following that is entirely her responsibility, take usual safety precautions for yourself and if she continues go to the police and talk to them about stalking or harassment. You won't know what they can out in place to support and protect you until you ask.

 

[joeylittle]

Nope. No, it doesn't. I've had a lifetime of growing up in a cult and my therapy is 45 mins a week, every week and has been for 8 yrs.

Disagree. When doing trauma processing specifically (EMDR or like modality), it's generally better to work through as much as you can, and to keep going. So one session can work, sure, but it's going to take much much longer. I prefer the 2 a week structure (and am lucky I can do that) because it helps with getting through the material AND getting support in-between those sessions on life stressors (which become harder to manage).

I'm fortunate, like I said, that I can carve out that much time; I can't always. But when I do, I definitely can progress faster, which for me translates into better.

 

[Suzetig]

Yep, I agree with @joeylittle longer sessions and more frequently are better for processing trauma. When I'm actively doing trauma work I'm usually in therapy for 90 minutes twice a week - I do that in fits and starts depending on my tolerance levels but as much as you can manage while being functional is a good thing.

Even outside of trauma processing my usual therapy is weekly 90 minute sessions - I would get nothing done in 45 minutes a week. Again, I'm fortunate to have a therapist who will work to my schedule and am able to afford therapy in a way that is helpful to me but 45 mins is far from optimal for trauma work.