Talking about the trauma definitely made my symptoms worse for a time. But I was working closely with a doctor twice a week doing EMDR and brain spotting. She gave me a bilateral CD, the same one I was getting conditioned to respond to in her office and when the time was right explained some of what I could do at home when I found myself in "the thick" of some PTSD memories (you know: flashbacks, intrusive thoughts or awoken by nightmares).
It's been a helluva long six months for me. I was telling my wife that the timing of my diagnosis was uncannily convenient actually. It was probably the first time in my life that we were in a position where I could voluntarily put work aside, be supported by her, have health care and was final-freakin'-ly ready to deal with all the ghosts of my childhood and teen years.
I've now moved into the next phase of my recovery where we are beginning to engage a few CBT methods (formally and informally I suppose). It's about life management and new habits. I see a distant light at the end of the tunnel. And I know that if I reach that light, I will be better, healthier, more balanced and most importantly more at peace than I have been my entire life. Cured? I don't know. I'll leave it to others to debate the semantics of cure and recovery. All I know is I am on a road to health. And it feels great in a broad, stable sort of way (not a topsy-turvey manic high!).
But I've got to tell you, I wouldn't where I am on this road to health had I not gone through the hellish months of talking about my problems and reintigrating those things back into my life.
Sarge, I'm sure while on your tours, you saw some terrible stuff that ideally no man or woman should ever have to endure. You probably were forced to make some decisions where you were chosing the best of the worst and only options available. You may have even done things that everything in life before you became a soldier taught you were terrible things no person should ever do to another. I bet you are suffering inside terrible senses of loss: loss of those you may have loved or liked, loss of your own innocence, loss of your sense of who you were before you went to war. But like so many trauma survivors, remember you did the very best you could with what you had available at the time.
And now as a soldier/citizen and veteran, if you have one duty left it is to work your way back to health, as frightening as it may be to take those steps. Be good to yourself. Make sure you have a proper support network in place, diverse and broad. Your doctor's suggestion of vet support groups sounds like a good one. Consider it another spoke in your hub. Between such a group, your doctor and here even (the trauma diaries section, public or private) you can then take that first step and begin to talk or write about it. Remembering can be devastating, but you can with guidance and help make it through the other side. And trust me, the air is a lot easier to breathe on this side of that tunnel.
You are a good man. You deserve health. :Hug_emoticon:
