Fighting The Beast - Venting

[Jimmy1]

'The Beast' it has become affectionately know here on the forum. What is it??

When it comes down to it, its something we did not ask for. We did not know about before deployment (well, I didn't). It was never talked about.
Would I have still deployed, 'Yes', but I would love to have had the option.

When all the carers/supporters were on here, the majority were doing their utmost to learn about what we were feeling and trying to learn little tips to get by. Well I don't know how you do it.

Its so f*cking hard to manage. I am trying to juggle new medication now and feel the lowest I have in years. No matter how much Margaret and my kids want me, no matter how much they say they love me, no matter how much they say they need me, it does not matter. Sometimes i just wish I would not wake up.

I know my family hurts seeing me this way. I know that if I did not wake up there would be heartache, but at least there would be an end.

I know tomorrow will be a different day. I just hope its better than today.

Maybe I need to go back on the old medication. So many questions, so few answers.
Wish I had a crystal ball and a magic pill.

 

[tnkg1rl]

Wish I had a crystal ball and a magic pill.

Me too Jimmy.

 

[reddevil1111]

You have to get and keep finding new goals jimmy. Things as simple as getting up in the morning can be huge. Your only as strong as your weakest day. Keep trying and know its for the better that you do. I have faith in you mate. Your strong enough to get this far.

 

[Zipperhead]

Why did they change your meds?

 

[Sarg]

Jimmy, to answer your first question, the beast is as different as are we. That's why it's so difficult to treat. That's why no pill works the same for all of us. Sure, there are the separate constituent disorders...depression, anxiety, ect. but we each have varying degrees of those parts and we act them out differently.

Seasons affect us. You mentioned smells in another thread. The only smell imprinted on my brain is hydraulic fluid and it's a positive memory because I love the C-130 so much. I owe my life to her many times over. Loud noises but different loud noises, mine much different than yours.

That is some of the magic of this board. We can recognize a particular malady in another and offer a possible solution on how to handle it. We are, collectively, the best authority on PTSD anywhere. I know, that's a pretty bold statement but think about it. But where are you going to go to have international, inter specialization, cross generational PTSD treatment available 24/7?

And we don't charge a dime.

Sarg

 

[vikingr12]

I am thinking Fireman's carry but you've got a back injury so it's side by side, brother. You take the right. I'll take the left.

We will make it home.

 

[Jimmy1]

You have to get and keep finding new goals jimmy. Things as simple as getting up in the morning can be huge. Your only as strong as your weakest day. Keep trying and know its for the better that you do. I have faith in you mate. Your strong enough to get this far.

Why did they change your meds?

Jimmy, to answer your first question, the beast is as different as are we. That's why it's so difficult to treat. That's why no pill works the same for all of us. Sure, there are the separate constituent disorders...depression, anxiety, ect. but we each have varying degrees of those parts and we act them out differently.

Seasons affect us. You mentioned smells in another thread. The only smell imprinted on my brain is hydraulic fluid and it's a positive memory because I love the C-130 so much. I owe my life to her many times over. Loud noises but different loud noises, mine much different than yours.

That is some of the magic of this board. We can recognize a particular malady in another and offer a possible solution on how to handle it. We are, collectively, the best authority on PTSD anywhere. I know, that's a pretty bold statement but think about it. But where are you going to go to have international, inter specialization, cross generational PTSD treatment available 24/7?

And we don't charge a dime.

Sarg

I am thinking Fireman's carry but you've got a back injury so it's side by side, brother. You take the right. I'll take the left.

We will make it home.

Have a look at the date of my original post........... tnkg1rl was just catching up I think. lmao

 

[tnkg1rl]

Ye

Have a look at the date of my original post........... tnkg1rl was just catching up I think. lmao

Yes I was!!! :) sorry guys!

 

[vikingr12]

I am too poor to pay attention. :(

 

[Sarg]

Oh! Hmmmm. Well........it was meant retroactively!!!!

Sarg