Ptsd, Anger And An Ex-wife

[K-9 Al]

On December 20th my 5 year marriage was over. The divorce is now final. I got tired of my ex wife belittiling my PTSD, when id try to open up she would say, "im not your therapist" Also, due to her 5-month affair, I could never trust her. So in October I left and now we are divorced.

Heres the bitch of it: She knows how to set me off. She knows the right words to say and the right things to do to straight set me the f*ck off. I would try and be civil and friendly. Id ask how thigns are going and her day and stuff and she would just say, "Its none of your business" She sets me off and tape records my anger to use it against me. I know its easy to say, "dont let her get to you" but I have so much hatred towards her that as soon as she starts her B.S. it sets me off.

So today she started her crap again. For some reason I just cant control it and my anger goes through the roof. I cant believe this asshole would actually use my PTSD against me and use it as a means to try and go for sole custody of my only son. Aint that a bitch.

She disappeared with him earlier today. Have no idea where they went, where he is, if he is okay. She refuses to answer the ph one. Sometimes she picks it up and just breathes in it then hangs up. What kind of sick bastard would put a father through this. What kind of sick bastard would knowingly f*ck with me mentally...knowing all the bullshit i got hrough on a daily basis.

Not only has the meds im non not helped but its made me mroe agitated and now I have this bitch basically disappearing with my son and using my own demons against me. Damn it.

 

[humptynugget]

My mate in the marines once told me that women are snakes with tits and believe me in a lot of cases this is true , why do people who once were so close try to really hurt you ? , its thier way of coping with the break up, whats the best form of defence ?.....its to attack and she knows all your weak points , try to rise above it , you are ill and civvies dont understand our illness , if was cancer or if id lost an arm then id be brave and a fighter but because they cant see it or understand mental illness then they assume its all crap and that you are just being a bellend.
I know its hard but be the adult here, dont show your son its getting to you, dont badmouth your wife infront of him and fight every which way to have contact with him, send him gifts , cards etc and always be happy in his company , when he grows older he will see the bitterness from his mum and the joy and support from his dad .
Hang in there , your love for him will shine through, if you dont give up and let her beat you , its what she wants you to do but hes only got one real dad ,

 

[K-9 Al]

Thank you for the response. Def makes sense.

 

[humptynugget]

Thank you for the response. Def makes sense.

Ive brought up 3 kids youngest now is my son whos 16 and the best thing that you can do in my humble opinion is just spend time with them creating memories even if she gets custody then she has to deal with all the everyday shit in bringing a child up , if you see him once a week or fortnight and in the holidays at least you can get real quality time with him and make memories just always tell him that you love him and are proud of him and dont lose your rag infront of him.
merry xmas by the way......it does get better , things do eventually workthemselves out , usually for a reason and for the best.
regards
hamish

 

[Jimmy1]

Your right Hamish, I have told my kids that its not their mothers fault. I am not the person she married.
We are wired differently now.

 

[K-9 Al]

UPDATE: Well I have a restraining order on me against my ex and my only son. I guess she got her feelings hurt when I went off on her yesterday. I think she is trying to gather evidence and use my PTSD against me to go for full custody of my son. Just adding more shit to the pile of shit I already deal with. Damn it. For some reason I just cant control myself when she starts with her bullshit degrading and smart ass comments. It just sets me off. Ughhh, this beast is winning. This beast is ruining me from the inside. WHen does it stop. Im losing my son, my marriage failed, my whole life has gone down hill since I got back. This is asenine. Why cant I take control of this?

 

[reddevil1111]

Try to not talk to her unless its about the kid. Keep your contact with her to a minimum. Say to the divorce lawyer she never asked my permission to record me. 99% of the states have rules on being recorded. Check your to be better informed. You have a right to a hearing for the restraining order. Ask the judge for a chance to have your say. He should allow another hearing to get your side of things. A lot of women use restraining orders as a weapon. The courts know this. Also, unload and lock up your guns and secure them somewhere. That way she cant say your indangering the child.
Good luck. You know she has to fight an uphill battle with the affair. She is most likely willing to do anything to "win" Even though her winning will even further mess up the child you had together. No good answers but protect yourself.
I hope the best for you.

 

[Ned]

Al. Nothing to offer beyond what Hamish & Dan have said. You have been out there. Talk to her exactly the way you would talk to them. Measured, calm, and nothing they can use against you. Just communicate with your lad.
Best of luck.

 

[Jimmy1]

Al, I lost my boy for almost a year and the other kids did not want to come around, so I know how you feel.

Also think about this. Have you ever recorded yourself in a full on rage??? I thought nothing was wrong with me, but my kids just ran away and hid every time I came home. She might just be trying to protect everyone including you, even though YOU would never ever hurt anyone. Margaret says she has seen some pretty scary times recently, yet I think I have been alright. I am not sticking up for your ex, but something my father always told me was to put yourself in the other persons shoes before you pass judgement.

You have the right to see your child though. She may obtain full custody, but realistically I will ask you this question. Could you handle your son for a full weekend on your own.
One of the other maritime guys on here had the problem of having his children being forced on him for a weekend and he did not know whether he could cope. I know I could not cope with children under 10.

Then again, I don't know you. For all I know you could be calm and placid. But if that were the case there would be no restraining order.

Do what Red says, ask for a hearing a plead your case.

 

[K-9 Al]

I could handle my son being with me. My son and my service dog is why im still alive. My ex knows that im moving to Michigan once the medical retirement goes through. Shes tryign to make me appear to be,. "a crazy vet with PTSD" She knows exactly how to push my buttons. She doesnt have to curse or yell..she knows how to awaken the beast. I pleaded with her over the phone (during that conversation) to stop..please stop pushing me. Bascially she set me up to freak out and is now trying to paint me as an evil villian. Bullshit is what it is. Her ass never went "over there" and has no idea what its like. Shes never researched anything or understands PTSD. She frankly dpoesnt care and claims that i use it as an excuse. Which is bullshit as well. I have emails from other arquments where i pleaded to her to stop treating me like a POS and start workign with each other for the benefit of our three year old son.

 

[Brian Jones]

This may be of some help. K-9, you and I have had similar problems. My wife and I called it quits after about 6 years and 2 kids. Fortunaly for me not only was she cheating but she developed a bad habit with pills and meth. Luckily I tend to go to ground when my symptoms get into bad mode instead of saying things that I shouldn't say. It is not fair but most court systems in our country lean to the wife maintaining control of the kids. It isn't right but that's the way it goes. With those of us with PTSD most courts only see us as sticks of dynamite fixing to blow up. I had to watch my self at ALL times because of that.

What I would suggest, when dealing with your ex is to invest in a digital voice recorder that you can carry where ever you go when you think you may see her. They run about $20 buck and up. Make sure you can connect it to your computer to save the files and try to find one that you can hook to your phone. Oh make sure you can record conversations and phone calls in your state. Typically in civil cases there is no problems but it is better to cover your bases. Here in Ga. you can record conversations as long as 1/2 the people involved know you are recording, same with phone calls. When you talk to her set up the ground rules and remind her if need be. She is minuplating you the way most females can. You can get a wealth of info for the court this way, make yourself look like the victim.

Try to take friends with you when you have to meet with her. Either the friend will keep you or her grounded. Keep all your conversations with her. You have to keep in mind that you are there for the kid. She is just a crazy bitch that is attempting to be very selfish and ignorant and trying to pin the breakup on you instead of looking at herself. Redirection I think it is called.

Oh you might also look at going through the court for a Guardian Ad Litem. This is a person that comes to both parents and gives the court an unbiased report on the parents. Some times this cuts a lot of the shit throwing out.

 

[K-9 Al]

Def good info Brian. Once my medical retirement goes through I will be going back home to Michigan. I need to get away from everything military and from this god foresaken state. The divorce was final on 20 Dec so the agreement is that she has my son for the school year and I get him in the summers/holidays. Once he is 10 years old it will flip flop. Hopefully shes not trying to change that. I dont know what you motivation was to go for the restraining order after a heated arqument over the phone but its pretty suspect. I voluntarily left the house 2 months ago to avoid any craziness. Well there went that idea..