What Makes You Angry Today?

[Chin Strapped]

Rant...

Anxiety crippling my chances of employment in qualified role, leaving me with anxiety in unqualified roles, however it's easier to hide. Also there's less stress in unqualified positions.

All good right? No. It's shit money.

How the f*ck did I go from top boy medic and pti with stacks of "I can't do anything wrong", to a f*cking scared fully grown lump of man.

Had to leave a children's play centre today, as it got busier my wife said I went pale. I did feel pretty shit.

Beast, you are a c*nt and today I hate you.

 

[Grizzly]

Rant...

Anxiety crippling my chances of employment in qualified role, leaving me with anxiety in unqualified roles, however it's easier to hide. Also there's less stress in unqualified positions.

All good right? No. It's shit money.

How the f*ck did I go from top boy medic and pti with stacks of "I can't do anything wrong", to a f*cking scared fully grown lump of man.

Had to leave a children's play centre today, as it got busier my wife said I went pale. I did feel pretty shit.

Beast, you are a c*nt and today I hate you.

I so feel your pain Bro. I look back on my career. So many opportunities passed me because of my anxiety. Where could we have been?

 

[Chin Strapped]

I so feel your pain Bro. I look back on my career. So many opportunities passed me because of my anxiety. Where could we have been?

That's what worries me, I know it's probably not going away. I can work and will, I enjoy it, but I used to aim high and get there. Now I aim low and stay there.

I just got first class degree and feel worthless. Now many people, including my shrinky dinky woo woo, have told me I'm basically being irrational and I have achieved so much. It's not registering like it should.

feeling like a passenger in my own life again. Nothing has seemed real for long enough, since I returned from Sangin.

It passes but today, Ive been raped by the beast.

 

[dutchiedelta]

Up and down and up and down again.

One day you think, I can do this.
The next a group of kids can set you off.

Another day you may enjoy their happy little faces and innocence.

Raped by the beast is accurate. It left me an empty shell of who I once was.
Grasping at the rare moments when things go well. The sun shines, the dog does something funny.
Just never pity me. Tis the way it is.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

Hey Dan, how about we review some Internal Triggers, I think we forget we have them most of the time!!! If you are like me, I keep looking at my External Triggers.....Just a thought brother....J R

• • Internal Triggers
  • Anger
  • Anxiety
  • Sadness
  • Memories
  • Feeling lonely
  • Feeling abandoned
  • Frustration
  • Feeling out of control
  • Feeling vulnerable
  • Racing heart beat
  • Pain
  • Muscle tension

 

[Grizzly]

Well Im sure its probably worse being able to know what normal once was. For me I was just too young. Still in development. I have nothing to really compare things to other than watching the success of others when I'm as smart if not smarter. I'm a star quarterback on the injured list.

Very good ODG and right on.

 

[atilla]

I can vaguely remember normal. My mom and sisters noticed a big change in me after '91. Thanks for that ODG.

 

[Grizzly]

I can vaguely remember normal. My mom and sisters noticed a big change in me after '91. Thanks for that ODG.

I hear ya. I simply do not remember what I'm supposed to be. My wife has some friends and we will meet occasionally. I see how they act. It's a level of confidence. May it's show. I know mine is show most of the time. I can act normal, and blend in. I'm a chameleon. But it's exhausting. It makes my wife happy though.

 

[thomas.robinson.54966]

I feel the same. Feels like lifetimes ago What normal was if that was even normal.

 

[atilla]

My current wife has not seen " normal" for me. She still is my best friend and totally accepts me and all the bs the beast deals out. She has had the ptsd to deal with from the beginning. I told her when we first started dating that this is me, the way I am, and accepted that fact and works with me to keep SNAFU'd, if you know what I mean. My abnormality is normal for her. Kind of screwed up isn't it? But it works.

 

[Barberian]

Posted this on the civie site as well. So mad I'm posting it here as well.

My neighbor's dogs broke through the fence and were in my back yard. Two pit bulls. One was a very husky male, one was a young female. I had to go out and get them back into their yard. I didn't know the dog's temperaments. It would have been a rough fight if they were fighters. May sound strange, but I know how to fight dogs because I've had to before. I'm weird like that.

Tried to get the neighbor to answer the door, nothing. Called Animal Control, they came out within 30 min. One of the adult kids had just gotten home. He was cited for both dogs not being registered. Not sure of any other charges.

These are the same people who's dog killed my service dog in training a year or two ago. Same scenario. Different pit bull broke through fence and used my dog as a chew toy. That pit bull was put down by the city. My wife is still terrified of the back yard and won't go in the back yard without me.

Now I'm mad as hell, will be for rest of day probably and longer. Have to "play nice" because probably going out for birthday party for granddaughter later today. Will have to play nice with neighbors when they fix the fence whenever that is. Will probably have to let them on my property to fix it, and won't let them set foot behind any fenced area unless I'm there.

 

[Grizzly]

You handled it like a pro Barb. I after what you described, I don't think I could have been as nice as you. Hope your granddaughters birthday party goes well for you.