I can totally walk down town right now and pick a fight with who I wish and either f*ck someone up or get f*cked up. It really doesn't matter to me as long as I get to fight as hard as I can. Getting the shit kicked out of you and living is a learning experience, and in what I'm thinking, will be a therapy than going to a doc. The only thing that hold me back is that if I go in deep enough, I may not survive.
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I Want To Hurt Someone Or Get Hurt
- Post starter Wagg
- Start date
- Status
That's the feeling Wagg. We all stuffed a lot of feelings in doing what we had to do to survive and get by in our assorted traumatic situations and now we're left with these intense thoughts and feelings constantly bubbling up and intruding in our current situation. The problem is that when we act on the old stuff bubbling up even though it may feel good and right it usually involves behavior that is not really in our own best interest in our current situation.
Not surviving is not really in your best current interest. Ending up in jail is not really in your best current interest. Participating in an appropriate set of relationships and activities and getting your current needs met (once you learn to sort out the old intrusive thought and feelings) is in your best interest. Easy to say, hard for us to do.
Thirty years of therapy and I still have those feelings sometimes, I just have learned to let them pass without acting on them then, once they have passed, get back to my normal routine in my current situation. Life is much better these days.
Ted
Not surviving is not really in your best current interest. Ending up in jail is not really in your best current interest. Participating in an appropriate set of relationships and activities and getting your current needs met (once you learn to sort out the old intrusive thought and feelings) is in your best interest. Easy to say, hard for us to do.
Thirty years of therapy and I still have those feelings sometimes, I just have learned to let them pass without acting on them then, once they have passed, get back to my normal routine in my current situation. Life is much better these days.
Ted
I get those feelings now and again... not too long ago in fact... two weeks ago this asswipe stole my glasses down at the pool... can't prove it but I know he did...
There is NOTHING in the world like riding that adrenaline rush we used to get when we were in, no one who wasn't there will ever understand.. but it is that adrenaline rush that will do us in.. ya the guy I was referring to was a pasty lil dude about 95 pounds but what if he had a Glock 22 tucked down the back of his pants? etc... etc.. you paint the picture...
I was 23 yrs old back then, and I was bulletproof... I could ride in on a CH-53 or a '46, pick up a patient in the worst of situations and pop back out again.. the adrenaline continued as we tried to keep him alive...
The thing for me is to pull myself out of bulletproof mode... luckily the guy I faced down left the pool that day.. but had he not I probably would have gone inside and cussed a lot and come here and unloaded..
For me.... we don't have much say so with this PTSD thing... but we can try to make choices once we can sort out our behavior... and ya... here I am saying this after almost going into the pool and strangling this ass 2 weeks ago... the thing is I didnt... I found taking Nala for a long run is better therapy than the VA could ever provide...
Carry on brother... finding the triggers and finding something to defuse them has been the key for me... and believe it or not.. lately it has been here... I can tell the truth and no one will judge me and call me a maniac...
There is NOTHING in the world like riding that adrenaline rush we used to get when we were in, no one who wasn't there will ever understand.. but it is that adrenaline rush that will do us in.. ya the guy I was referring to was a pasty lil dude about 95 pounds but what if he had a Glock 22 tucked down the back of his pants? etc... etc.. you paint the picture...
I was 23 yrs old back then, and I was bulletproof... I could ride in on a CH-53 or a '46, pick up a patient in the worst of situations and pop back out again.. the adrenaline continued as we tried to keep him alive...
The thing for me is to pull myself out of bulletproof mode... luckily the guy I faced down left the pool that day.. but had he not I probably would have gone inside and cussed a lot and come here and unloaded..
For me.... we don't have much say so with this PTSD thing... but we can try to make choices once we can sort out our behavior... and ya... here I am saying this after almost going into the pool and strangling this ass 2 weeks ago... the thing is I didnt... I found taking Nala for a long run is better therapy than the VA could ever provide...
Carry on brother... finding the triggers and finding something to defuse them has been the key for me... and believe it or not.. lately it has been here... I can tell the truth and no one will judge me and call me a maniac...
jamz
Silver Member
Hurt=bad; not good
- Post starter
- #6
jamz
Silver Member
Yea I hear ya man.
Fighting may solve something but in the end it causes more harm than good.
You never know the person you're squaring off with. And the worst of it is if you could pay with your life.
And it's only temp joy... what are you gonna do next... fight some more.
Dude, if fighting's in your nature take it up for sport. Get in a dojo/ring/octagon and beat the piss out of someone. You'll be up against equals so it'll be more of than just a beat down. You'll learn shit and gain new respect and friends.
If you're fighting cause you're upset, angry or sad at how things are and want someone to hurt as bad as you do... then what was the point of going over and serving your country. Part of it is the sacrifice so others wont need to. Your sacrifice is so in the end... you can try and bring peace. What peace are you bringing if you're just perpetuating the cycle.
I don't know if you're saying this as a means to reach out? If you are then good on ya... cause that's reaching out. And doing it before you do something irrational that is gonna hurt someone or yourself. And trust me... you woun feel any better. Just a big empty black hole to add to the one that you are trying to heal.
And drinking is just gonna bury the shit. It may help at times... maybe never. But it's gonna leave you months/yrs down the road resentful adn angry. And it's gonna make all this shit alot harder to deal with.
Fighting is a good instinct but not one necessarily acted on. Sometimes it has to be done, but not as a means to gain recognition for the pain and shit you're going thru.
If you feel isolated now, wait til all your friends abandon you because you're the obnoxious, unstable drunk a-hole who is always ruining their night. Civvies may be annoying as f*ck but they are right about somethings. and that is if you can't deal with your shit or wont find the right means to do it... they wont even give you a chance.
Trust me dude.
I hope this helps a bit... keep talking.
Lots of us feel this way... and that's why we get on here.
To talk it out instead of scrap it out.
jamz
Fighting may solve something but in the end it causes more harm than good.
You never know the person you're squaring off with. And the worst of it is if you could pay with your life.
And it's only temp joy... what are you gonna do next... fight some more.
Dude, if fighting's in your nature take it up for sport. Get in a dojo/ring/octagon and beat the piss out of someone. You'll be up against equals so it'll be more of than just a beat down. You'll learn shit and gain new respect and friends.
If you're fighting cause you're upset, angry or sad at how things are and want someone to hurt as bad as you do... then what was the point of going over and serving your country. Part of it is the sacrifice so others wont need to. Your sacrifice is so in the end... you can try and bring peace. What peace are you bringing if you're just perpetuating the cycle.
I don't know if you're saying this as a means to reach out? If you are then good on ya... cause that's reaching out. And doing it before you do something irrational that is gonna hurt someone or yourself. And trust me... you woun feel any better. Just a big empty black hole to add to the one that you are trying to heal.
And drinking is just gonna bury the shit. It may help at times... maybe never. But it's gonna leave you months/yrs down the road resentful adn angry. And it's gonna make all this shit alot harder to deal with.
Fighting is a good instinct but not one necessarily acted on. Sometimes it has to be done, but not as a means to gain recognition for the pain and shit you're going thru.
If you feel isolated now, wait til all your friends abandon you because you're the obnoxious, unstable drunk a-hole who is always ruining their night. Civvies may be annoying as f*ck but they are right about somethings. and that is if you can't deal with your shit or wont find the right means to do it... they wont even give you a chance.
Trust me dude.
I hope this helps a bit... keep talking.
Lots of us feel this way... and that's why we get on here.
To talk it out instead of scrap it out.
jamz
Anglesachse
Diamond Member
Many of us on here can relate to what you are feeling and where you are Wagg mucker.
The aggression relieves the pain temporarily as does the Alc. But neither deal with the problem in the long term, and both compound the problem with the beast.
From experience, I would go looking for a scrap anywhere, Even some dick in the toilets at a McDonalds restaurant who splashed a few drops of water over me while washing his hands.
The Aggro took me that far that I lost my Misses, my Kid, my family home. and allmost my freedom. Even people who knew me before keep there distance these days because of the shit I used to do.
You need to get on a CBT course, and maybe an Anger management course. Both will give you a head start in getting a grip on it. There are also meds out there that help, but like all meds, they are just a cap and not a cure. You realy need to get to the heart of the problem.
The fact you are here talking about it, you allready know it has gone to far. We can also only assist you so far, there comes a point that you have to go do something about it yourself.
There realy are loads of things out there to help you, speak to a Therapist and find out what options they suggest and find out what is available in your neck of the woods.
I am off Meds, my Therapy from 2,5 years has ended and I have 2 clinics behind me. And still I am looking for any tid bit of help.
Couple of months back I started with Kinesiology, and for me it helps. But I am further down the road and what works for me maybe doesn`t work for you. But there comes a time and a state of mind where you will try anything.
Tuppence well spent I hope.
The aggression relieves the pain temporarily as does the Alc. But neither deal with the problem in the long term, and both compound the problem with the beast.
From experience, I would go looking for a scrap anywhere, Even some dick in the toilets at a McDonalds restaurant who splashed a few drops of water over me while washing his hands.
The Aggro took me that far that I lost my Misses, my Kid, my family home. and allmost my freedom. Even people who knew me before keep there distance these days because of the shit I used to do.
You need to get on a CBT course, and maybe an Anger management course. Both will give you a head start in getting a grip on it. There are also meds out there that help, but like all meds, they are just a cap and not a cure. You realy need to get to the heart of the problem.
The fact you are here talking about it, you allready know it has gone to far. We can also only assist you so far, there comes a point that you have to go do something about it yourself.
There realy are loads of things out there to help you, speak to a Therapist and find out what options they suggest and find out what is available in your neck of the woods.
I am off Meds, my Therapy from 2,5 years has ended and I have 2 clinics behind me. And still I am looking for any tid bit of help.
Couple of months back I started with Kinesiology, and for me it helps. But I am further down the road and what works for me maybe doesn`t work for you. But there comes a time and a state of mind where you will try anything.
Tuppence well spent I hope.
Hey brother I know I've been there before. When we were in and pissed off we had doors to kick down, streets to patrol, people to tackle and ziptie. Without that physical outlet we would have gone mad. Hell when we didn't have enemy to fight wed fight with each other. Grappling matches are always common place. Shit in Kuwait my platoon invented a bastard form of baseball using a cot leg and a nerf football. Every play resulted in someone taking a swift hit to the kidneys. But I digress,
Fast forward to today, still pissed off but now noone/thing to take it out on. And going to the gym isn't gonna cut it. So obviously the mind recalls the best outlet which was a good fight. Only bad will come of that.
You've gotta find something PHYSICAL that you can do in situations like that. I moved to Montana, ill hump a pack up a mountain before I go out and just pick a fight now. And at the end of a hike there's a sense of accomplishment, and at that point you'll have forgotten why you were so angry in the first place.
I also picked up auto racing. Pushing a car and myself to my.limits of losing control is a rush. It's nice because YOU are in charge of how far you push. And you don't even need a "race car". There are SCCA autocross and HPDE days all over the country. It's a great opportunity to try it out. Then building and perfecting a track car is therapy in itself.
Just don't go destroy some poor schmuck or get your ass handed to you.
Sorry that was kind of a ramble but its 430 am and I can't sleep.
Fast forward to today, still pissed off but now noone/thing to take it out on. And going to the gym isn't gonna cut it. So obviously the mind recalls the best outlet which was a good fight. Only bad will come of that.
You've gotta find something PHYSICAL that you can do in situations like that. I moved to Montana, ill hump a pack up a mountain before I go out and just pick a fight now. And at the end of a hike there's a sense of accomplishment, and at that point you'll have forgotten why you were so angry in the first place.
I also picked up auto racing. Pushing a car and myself to my.limits of losing control is a rush. It's nice because YOU are in charge of how far you push. And you don't even need a "race car". There are SCCA autocross and HPDE days all over the country. It's a great opportunity to try it out. Then building and perfecting a track car is therapy in itself.
Just don't go destroy some poor schmuck or get your ass handed to you.
Sorry that was kind of a ramble but its 430 am and I can't sleep.
Hey brother I know I've been there before. When we were in and pissed off we had doors to kick down, streets to patrol, people to tackle and ziptie. Without that physical outlet we would have gone mad. Hell when we didn't have enemy to fight wed fight with each other. Grappling matches are always common place. Shit in Kuwait my platoon invented a bastard form of baseball using a cot leg and a nerf football. Every play resulted in someone taking a swift hit to the kidneys. But I digress,
Fast forward to today, still pissed off but now noone/thing to take it out on. And going to the gym isn't gonna cut it. So obviously the mind recalls the best outlet which was a good fight. Only bad will come of that.
You've gotta find something PHYSICAL that you can do in situations like that. I moved to Montana, ill hump a pack up a mountain before I go out and just pick a fight now. And at the end of a hike there's a sense of accomplishment, and at that point you'll have forgotten why you were so angry in the first place.
I also picked up auto racing. Pushing a car and myself to my.limits of losing control is a rush. It's nice because YOU are in charge of how far you push. And you don't even need a "race car". There are SCCA autocross and HPDE days all over the country. It's a great opportunity to try it out. Then building and perfecting a track car is therapy in itself.
Just don't go destroy some poor schmuck or get your ass handed to you.
Sorry that was kind of a ramble but its 430 am and I can't sleep.
Fast forward to today, still pissed off but now noone/thing to take it out on. And going to the gym isn't gonna cut it. So obviously the mind recalls the best outlet which was a good fight. Only bad will come of that.
You've gotta find something PHYSICAL that you can do in situations like that. I moved to Montana, ill hump a pack up a mountain before I go out and just pick a fight now. And at the end of a hike there's a sense of accomplishment, and at that point you'll have forgotten why you were so angry in the first place.
I also picked up auto racing. Pushing a car and myself to my.limits of losing control is a rush. It's nice because YOU are in charge of how far you push. And you don't even need a "race car". There are SCCA autocross and HPDE days all over the country. It's a great opportunity to try it out. Then building and perfecting a track car is therapy in itself.
Just don't go destroy some poor schmuck or get your ass handed to you.
Sorry that was kind of a ramble but its 430 am and I can't sleep.
- Post starter
- #10
I'm actually in Missoula where its BiG SKY region 38. But very similar. I've found that track driving has been great for me. As has golf, hiking the mountains here and taichi. It's a little bit of fast and a little bit of slow that keeps me balanced.
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- #12
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