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I Feel Like I'm Loosing Myself
- Post starter Chris 173rd
- Start date
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andy3438211
New Here
Chris I can relate but the shoe is on the other foot with the sex. My wife wants it but I can not give it to her and I have tried all the drugs and man it really is tough when you try and nothing happens. She told me try one of your pills once and oh man it was end of the world to me. I have been using the keep busy method but the depression hit so damn hard I got nothing left. If I could devise a way to make it look like an accident I would end it all at work but damn these safety programs it would be a hard sell. Talking does help but sometimes she will slip up with one word and I want to shut down again. Not sure if I can save the marriage but its in the works now. Talking did seem to help but only time will tell.
Sex is a big issue for veterans with PTSD. A lot of us act like tomcats for a while, then if we are in a stable relationship it tends to taper off to nothing. My first wife would have loved to have me the way I am now, bitch.
I am meant to be in my honeymoon cycle and it aint happening.
Keep your head up Andy, I am sure there is something out there to help, shit, they have prosthetic penis's that get hard by a pump, so I am sure they can find something to help you.
Maybe one of the girls can answer whether it's the same for them.
I am meant to be in my honeymoon cycle and it aint happening.
Keep your head up Andy, I am sure there is something out there to help, shit, they have prosthetic penis's that get hard by a pump, so I am sure they can find something to help you.
Maybe one of the girls can answer whether it's the same for them.
Hi, I'm new to this forum but not new to the military or the wonderful world of PTSD and "secondary PTSD"-- something that most people have never heard of. I have battled with my own PTSD from my time in service and was lucky that it wasn't severe and managed to work my way through it while I was single and stupid. I realize now that a lot of my stupid choices were made under the influence of anything that would make me feel different than I did. It didn't even have to be a good kind of different. Glad those days are over, but life isn't any easier.
My husband of 5 years just returned from his final 12 month deployment. He's being medically retired for an ungodly amount of issues that actually leave me wondering how he functions every day. Aside from 2 strains of malaria, a busted knee, irreparable shoulder and bad back, we're also dealing with his TBI and PTSD. This is when I learned there was such a thing as "secondary PTSD". Chris, your wife might benefit from looking into this and getting herself help. The wife often takes in the role of the "caretaker" of the spouse suffering from PTSD and it has it's own horrible manifestations that can destroy a marriage/relationship. Because I'm new here it won't let me post a link to this info but you can research it online or private message me about it.
Chris, you said that you miss the intimacy you had with your wife before all of this.. Let me tell you from first hand experience that Secondary PTSD will cause intimacy issues. It happened to my husband and I and I will admit that it was mostly on my part. He'd wan't to cuddle and be close at the end of the day but after walking on eggshells all day I didn't feel very sexy or in the mood. It felt like I was being used instead, and I know that's not the case at all. After feeling alone all day from tiptoeing around and trying to keep things as normal as possible sex just isn't in the cards. Its a feeling that comes with being in a relationship with PTSD in the mix and it's normal.. and yes, it sucks!!! Staying that way and not working through it is where it becomes abnormal. My husband and I rarely have arguments and have never been physically violent with each other- instead there's a very tense feeling between us, comments are short and gestures are cold. (I don't argue. I'd rather have a physical fight and either win or lose than have an argument that no one wins.) We try to keep things together but it feels more like we're strangers sharing a house sometimes and it's very lonely at times. It's all part of the vicious cycle and it took me years of deployments and going through those cycles to realize what was really going on.
I actually went to see some kind of shrink. He was a civilian doc because I HAD to be referred off post. He had no clue what he was talking about. Didn't understand PTSD and didn't understand that it does effect the spouse. He told me I could possibly have schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder because of how quickly I become angry and my mood swings.... guess what?? that's from secondary PTSD!! I've given up on getting "prefessional" help and have resorted to a small support group of people that are going through the same thing. Realizing you're not the only one makes things so much better and realizing everyone has bad days or weeks makes you feel a little less alone.
My husband of 5 years just returned from his final 12 month deployment. He's being medically retired for an ungodly amount of issues that actually leave me wondering how he functions every day. Aside from 2 strains of malaria, a busted knee, irreparable shoulder and bad back, we're also dealing with his TBI and PTSD. This is when I learned there was such a thing as "secondary PTSD". Chris, your wife might benefit from looking into this and getting herself help. The wife often takes in the role of the "caretaker" of the spouse suffering from PTSD and it has it's own horrible manifestations that can destroy a marriage/relationship. Because I'm new here it won't let me post a link to this info but you can research it online or private message me about it.
Chris, you said that you miss the intimacy you had with your wife before all of this.. Let me tell you from first hand experience that Secondary PTSD will cause intimacy issues. It happened to my husband and I and I will admit that it was mostly on my part. He'd wan't to cuddle and be close at the end of the day but after walking on eggshells all day I didn't feel very sexy or in the mood. It felt like I was being used instead, and I know that's not the case at all. After feeling alone all day from tiptoeing around and trying to keep things as normal as possible sex just isn't in the cards. Its a feeling that comes with being in a relationship with PTSD in the mix and it's normal.. and yes, it sucks!!! Staying that way and not working through it is where it becomes abnormal. My husband and I rarely have arguments and have never been physically violent with each other- instead there's a very tense feeling between us, comments are short and gestures are cold. (I don't argue. I'd rather have a physical fight and either win or lose than have an argument that no one wins.) We try to keep things together but it feels more like we're strangers sharing a house sometimes and it's very lonely at times. It's all part of the vicious cycle and it took me years of deployments and going through those cycles to realize what was really going on.
I actually went to see some kind of shrink. He was a civilian doc because I HAD to be referred off post. He had no clue what he was talking about. Didn't understand PTSD and didn't understand that it does effect the spouse. He told me I could possibly have schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder because of how quickly I become angry and my mood swings.... guess what?? that's from secondary PTSD!! I've given up on getting "prefessional" help and have resorted to a small support group of people that are going through the same thing. Realizing you're not the only one makes things so much better and realizing everyone has bad days or weeks makes you feel a little less alone.
abnvet
Gold Member
Chris, welcome to the board Airborne! Many of us can relate. I became a workalcoholic and still am. Wake up from nightmares in early morning and go crazy. End up going into work early just to leave the house. Found counseling with the local VetCenter. I go about once a month when time and work permits. HOOAH!
reddevil1111
Diamond Member
Hi Chris, I ready every word and I have to tell you... I have similar issues as well. Most of us do. There is no magic pill that makes everything ok. And talking to a therapist can help but only so much. What I am getting at is you. And dont think I dont try myself. The only way to fix this is inside of you.
Even if your alone try this to get some of the crap out:
Write down your life story it can help you see things you might not otherwise.
Write down the things that upset you.
Dont let your hand cramp, write about your combat. About the guilt and rage and suffering.
The reason I say write it down is not for the rest of the world, I just think it will help you come to terms with your PTSD better.
Like a lot of the other guys in here I miss the sex with the wife. Over two years without even one try at it. She has karate kid moves down pat to block my advances. Its funny but not really. Same with suicide. Daily it crosses my mind. I once played Russian roulette with a six round revolver and a bullet in every other chamber. Pulled the triggerand spin the cylinder 4 times every time it was empty. Wife caught me and called the cops. What a mess that was.
I knew I had issues. I drank like a fish...Cursed myself and the world many times. I cant escape PTSD its a life time of crap your forced to deal with. Sometimes you try to run and hide from it but its still there. Hang tough, Post in here if it helps. We are all having the same issues and we understand. Junt know your among friends.
Even if your alone try this to get some of the crap out:
Write down your life story it can help you see things you might not otherwise.
Write down the things that upset you.
Dont let your hand cramp, write about your combat. About the guilt and rage and suffering.
The reason I say write it down is not for the rest of the world, I just think it will help you come to terms with your PTSD better.
Like a lot of the other guys in here I miss the sex with the wife. Over two years without even one try at it. She has karate kid moves down pat to block my advances. Its funny but not really. Same with suicide. Daily it crosses my mind. I once played Russian roulette with a six round revolver and a bullet in every other chamber. Pulled the triggerand spin the cylinder 4 times every time it was empty. Wife caught me and called the cops. What a mess that was.
I knew I had issues. I drank like a fish...Cursed myself and the world many times. I cant escape PTSD its a life time of crap your forced to deal with. Sometimes you try to run and hide from it but its still there. Hang tough, Post in here if it helps. We are all having the same issues and we understand. Junt know your among friends.
Hey guys, This sounds absolutely crazy first off. But my name is also Chris and i was in the 173rd. I was having another terrible day and decided to research some more on these feelings and ptsd. Cannot believe i came upon this thread. Life is simply insane sometimes. I just got out about 8 months ago and every month it gets worse. Im keeping this short because i just feel terrible. please any help would be awesome...
Well Chris941, PTSD has a million symptoms. First off I will ask you since you have been out if you are on any form of medication and if you are seeing a therapist or psych. What is troubling you??
PTSD is manageable and you can live with it in a semi normal life, but you have to work at it. It takes time and research as well.
Let us know what medication you are on and if you are seeing a therapist through the VA or privately. Then we might be able to add some more.
PTSD is manageable and you can live with it in a semi normal life, but you have to work at it. It takes time and research as well.
Let us know what medication you are on and if you are seeing a therapist through the VA or privately. Then we might be able to add some more.
Thanks Jimmy for the response! Yeah im taking a few different medications. I'll pm you more concerning the details if need be. Well here goes quick and to the point. Feel numb. no emotions, good or bad. Feel like life could end quickly and randomly cant shake that. depressed. stay in my room all day. Stopped working had shoulder surgery 3 weeks ago and now ive really gotten bad. cant sleep. social anxiety. thats a summary to get started with... I tried to make apt with the va this week. didnt get a call back, have to call again monday.
Theres more issues like i stated before and im working on writing another post with more info.
Theres more issues like i stated before and im working on writing another post with more info.
Chris... one listen to Jimmy... he is straight on.. bro.... two.. if you start spiraling down call this number.. these people rock like you dont know!! they are vets themselves... nothing you can say will make them even blink... 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1 Veterans Crisis Line... believe me I am no stranger to it... I called one night and they told me to show up to MH the next morn.. omg the people were waiting on me... were worried I wasnt gonna show...
It gets worse, it gets better... read back some of the older threads in the Veterans Only room... you have vets from Nam to active duty in OEF posting in there.. we all might not have been where you are, or even where you were back then.. but collectively we all been there.. the biggest thing? We got your back... just like back then.... we aren't leaving anyone behind....
It gets worse, it gets better... read back some of the older threads in the Veterans Only room... you have vets from Nam to active duty in OEF posting in there.. we all might not have been where you are, or even where you were back then.. but collectively we all been there.. the biggest thing? We got your back... just like back then.... we aren't leaving anyone behind....
You guys are awesome and I appreciate your time and opinions so very much! I had an extremely long day and will post back with my main issues early this week. excited that i came across this forum and community. it seems very active! the supports fantastic and thi cant thank you enough. talk to you over the course of the week!
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