Anger Management Course

[FUBAR1]

This is the third time in the past year that I've nearly committed a violent crime due to a rage episode from a PTSD trigger. The first time I called my roommate and he talked me down, the second time you guys talked me down, and this most recent time absolutely no one could talk me down and the only reason I'm not currently facing court/prison is because the person I was waiting to assault stayed at work two hours overtime to avoid me and I eventually went home, and finally calmed down through meditation and because I realized how close I'd been to ruining my life. So I have of my own volition signed myself up for a ten week anger management course that begins in two months. I'm shelling out $300 for it but it's worth it and I think it may save my life and the lives of others.

Question One: Have any of you taken an anger management course? What is it like? What can I expect? Did it help?

Question Two: Do you guys have any tips in the mean time for dealing with my rage episodes? Basically when I feel like someone is treating me like shit or I feel physically threatened in any way (even if in reality no threat has been made, for example the most recent episode came when a long-time friend of mine who is also my coworker thought that I was f*cking his girlfriend and we got into a pretty heated feud over it and I became convinced he was going to run me over with machinery or come over to my house and kill me, because I assume that other people experience the same blind rage I do when faced with interpersonal conflict, and therefore I considered my premeditated pre-emptive violence justified as self-defense; the fact that he avoided me and I was unable to carry out my attack is the only saving grace and I'm severely shaken by what almost happened.) I absolutely lose it and I don't care about my life or my goals or my friends or family or if I go to prison for the rest of my life, I react with red rage and an absolutely overpowering primal urge to commit devastating violence. I know extreme rage - and rage out of proportion to the incident - are features of combat PTSD. I just want to know what steps I can take on my own before the anger management course starts to prevent or control a rage episode.

 

[Jimmy1]

FUBAR,

When you were in basic training, they used 'ANGER' as a means to attack. It gets your adrenaline pumping and you are able to push through. I know for myself after doing 10 km in basic web gear and rifle (7.62 SLR), we then did the obstacle course followed by the bayonet assault course. The water was 2 deg C and the first guy broke the thin sheet of ice. But ANGER got us through.

So when your faced with a situation where you are not in control, ANGER overrides everything. Well, its more like fury and rage than anger. Unfortunately it affects everything in life.

And when you think about it mate, you don't have your chill out stuff anymore to defuse it, but it's not worth going back.

Question One: Have any of you taken an anger management course? What is it like? What can I expect? Did it help?

Yes I have done an anger management course and yes it helped. They teach you to recognize the emotion and feeling coming on and then change the outcome. Sometimes it's not possible and you have to learn to walk away.

Basically they teach you to Respond to a situation and not React.

Question Two: Do you guys have any tips in the mean time for dealing with my rage episodes?

Keep a low profile and only do what you have to do to survive. Write a list of all the things that make you furious and try to steer clear of the main ones.

Most importantly tell those close to you that you need to walk away. They might even be able to help you by asking you to walk away. Treat that as a signal.

I was taught the 4 R's( there might be another one), when it comes to a difficult situation, and this does not always work.

Remove - Remove yourself from the immediate situation
Relax - Once your away take a few deep breaths and think about what just happened. If it is trivial don't go back.
Return - If the situation warrants it, i.e. a shop assistant etc, then return
Revisit - You revisit the incident if needed.

Teenage children are the hardest to deal with as they are naturally argumentative. My son knows I get worked up and will walk away, but in some instances you have to get your point across.

FUBAR, you have to pick which battles you want to fight.

Jimmy

 

[Zipperhead]

Anger management was basically the therapist trying to get you to recognise that the other people in this world deserve to have an opinion too, and that your shit stinks as much as the next guys. Trouble is that if you go in mad, it ain't going to help you. It will just feed the anger.

Having said that, if you get in a better place, the course might do you some good. They show you copping techniques and stratigies. It took a while, but I'm using what they showed me. It just took me 3 years to admit I needed what they were giving me.

 

[FUBAR1]

Well, I think I'm in a good place for it to benefit me because I realized my rage was a problem and signed myself up of my own accord, it would be different if it was court ordered and I didn't want to go.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Fubar

I suffer from rage and anger issues as well. I've had more than one incident with it myself. For me the thought of going to jail is enough to mostly keep me from doing something that I know I'll regret later. The things that trigger it for me are always with me and I have to work on it everyday. I've never taken an official anger management course although I probably should have at some time.

For me it's about being 'mindful' of what is going on in the situation and whether it deserves more 'attention' or not. Usually it doesn't. For example; you're driving down the road and some ahole is like a inch from your rear bumper and jockeying back and forth like he's in the indi 500. Any more I just try to pull over and let him pass. If I can't I try to think of something else; turn on some music or just watch the scenery as I go. Getting into a pissing contest with someone like that has gotten me arrested more than once so the mindfulness thing helps me.

Good luck with your course it sounds like a good thing. It's always best to learn alternative ways of dealing with anger. It's a tough one for me. Hope it goes well for ya'.

Jar

 

[BenP253]

I am happy you found a solution. Sounds like you were pretty close to doing something you would regret. I calm my anger down with meditation as well.

 

[andy3438211]

FUBAR let us know how the course is going. I might get into one of those myself I notice I keep taking my rage out on the people around me that matter most. I am still pissed at the headquaters folks for the way they tossed me aside but the problem is I am taking that anger out on the good guys in the company that I worked with all these years and more so on my wife. She is so great but she is walking on egg shells around me cause a little comment or look will make me snap. After this medboard I am out to the civilian work force and they are not going to put up with any of that stuff for sure. Thank you guys for sharing everything on here I could not connect all the things I was doing till I found this forum. I have been using the first R and removing myself but it got to the point I was walking away from everyone for tiny little things but it has kept me from saying or doing something I can not return from. I will try to use the others now. Great points Zipperhead I will keep that in mind when I find a course to take, it is so true you can do all the things in the world but if your not willing to try it just taking up your time for no reason.

 

[tho9900]

FUBAR - good luck to you...

 

[Tim Cake]

Forgiveness helps you more than the person you forgive. Festering anger rots your psyche from the inside outwards. Of course talking about forgiveness is MUCH EASIER than practicing it...

 

[tho9900]

wow.... I had a reply to you Tim but I really thought about what you said... Forgiveness... for me not at the person but forgiving myself... I think that is what I need to work on... I gotta a lot of guilt and in a sense I am seeking redemption.. and a lot of anger stems from that.. like a cold front hitting warm air, sometimes a tornado forms...

 

[Zipperhead]

Truely forgiving someone is great. They don't know how to take it. It really messes with their mind.

 

[Sludge]

Truely forgiving someone is great. They don't know how to take it. It really messes with their mind.

Anger management therapy was a failure for me. the poor therapist agreed that my anger was well founded. i got a different therapist...not much better.

On my own, I started using what I will forevermore call the Zipperhead method.

It works great, and everyone laughs when I wear my "If you don't want to piss me off, stop acting like such an asshole." t-shirt.