So as it seems like a good idea, I'll jump in on this trend too-
I'm Sludge. Pushing forty, feeling seventy. Looking California, feeling Minnesota. Been a member here for just over a year. Found this place thanks to the joker on the other end of the line when I called the VA Crisis Hotline because I had no one else to talk to about issues and was sinking fast....again... I am also an epileptic in addition to PTSD and proud to be walking the line of the schizoid spectrum that mad scientists fall into.;) (thasa joke, son- last IQ test showed I'm barely average- there are chimpanzees that are smarter...and I can't balance a checkbook...)
It took eight cops , a working dog, and a three day hangover locked up in some random brain farm for me to realize I had been hiding me, myself and I far too long from everyone and everything and spiralling ever downward into that stinky little hole the beast lives in. Still wouldn't know how to get to that wacky ward if my life depended on it. Yeah, the bender was that good...
Anyway, I'm married (barely), have 1.5 kids that are now legally adults (one is a free prize due to marriage), 2.5 pugs and half a chihuahua. One of the pugs is trained as a service support animal and is an expert at making sure my personal space is maintained also he warns me of seizures, but I haven't had one since I got him so I don't know if he actually can do it or not... I also have three turtles, a metric crap tonne of amphibians and fish, a cat, a guinea pig and Gods know what else is crawling around the house.
I used to be a US Navy Phalanx CIWS tech...on amphibs mostly...which meant I played a lot of video games and had a ton of collateral duties. Through sheer dumb luck I ended up as a Master-at-Arms, VBSS team leader, and Honorary Gunner's mate. I survived the worst non-combat Naval disaster in the US since WWII which primed me for a world of hurt when on my next ship I became an involuntary active member in the War on Drugs, which never really happened and wasn't a war depending on who you talk to. I did things and went places you never heard about on CNN and would be hard pressed to find record of anywhere but in the brains of those that were there.
As of this posting, I just had most of the scars that proved otherwise repaired. Well, the physical ones anyway...
Like many, when they kicked me to the curb for the seizures they gave me nothing but a kick in the ass and a non-refundable plane ticket back to PA. I never used the ticket and stumbled around San Diego, CA for a few years in various states of crazy, stoned, drunk and tripping or any random combination thereof. I battled with booze, drugs, homelessness and isolation for so long what little I can remember is all a muddled blur. I ended up weighing 140 pounds at six foot tall with no teeth. No, not from meth. Mostly from some nice CIWS linked DU exposure and a budget that only allowed for intoxicants, cases of Mountain Dew and Top Ramen. This is when the beast started pushing me around. I just didn't know it at the time because I was too caught up in being intoxicated to cope with life the universe and everything.
I came to a few years later here in Nebraska, wondering what year it was and when I got married and why I wasn't on a ship somewhere. To date I have had a hell of a time holding a job, and only since around the time showing up here have truly made headway into being what I think of as "human again". My raging temper and sudden mood swings are the stuff of legend in certain circles from Norfolk to San Diego and many points in between. After working off and on as that guy that can fix damn near anything, anytime, anywhere that no one could stand for long, I learned that that sort of work was great but the assholes you have to work with and around are not conducive to good mental health in those sorts of industrial environments. Or did I?
The last time I got my ass fired, (they swear I quit but I know the truth and that is good enough for me) I decided it was time for a change. So, being selfish and taking the risk of loosing my family, my house and my good credit, I cashed in on my GI Bill and started working on something I had wanted since I was a kid- a degree in Biology and a job in the natural sciences/conservation. This quickly devolved into a Major in General Biology with emphasis on zoology and a Minor in Chemistry as I discovered and learned things I never knew existed. For simplicity sake in general conversation I refer to myself as a biochemist, but the truth is I'm really still that guy that can do a little of everything.
Oddly, education has proven to be a boon in my battle with the beast. Both my own professional knowledge and the all important knowledge of understanding why I am the way I am and what I can do to change it. I still battle the beast daily, but now I keep it on a leash and make it do my bidding instead of the other way around. I am holding a part-time job and finishing up my degree and just got picked to do a paid summer Biologist Internship with the US Army Corp of Engineers. I volunteer at the brand spanking new Millitary Service Center on campus at my school. I research the hell out of everything, because that is the only real useful skill I got from the Navy- the abillity to find and use information. All that good stuff going on and I am still pretty much always a pissed off bastard- I just hide it better now.
I have my good days and my bad. I still huddle up and cry during heavy thunderstorms, and can't sleep for days after the jackasses on Offutt AFB do target practice. I am twitchy and paranoid, and can be a real bastard if I feel I need to be. Water deeper than my waist gives me panic attacks as does folks speaking Spanish with certain South American accents. I also have a hell of a time sleeping. Doc calls it clinical insomnia, I call it a pain in the ass to be used to my advantage rather than detriment.
This site has provided me with something I never had before, a place to speak freely without fear of reparation, some measure of anonymity, and multiple sources that provide support, advice, and information. I consider this place to be one of the foundations on my road to a better quality of life.
I'm Sludge. Pushing forty, feeling seventy. Looking California, feeling Minnesota. Been a member here for just over a year. Found this place thanks to the joker on the other end of the line when I called the VA Crisis Hotline because I had no one else to talk to about issues and was sinking fast....again... I am also an epileptic in addition to PTSD and proud to be walking the line of the schizoid spectrum that mad scientists fall into.;) (thasa joke, son- last IQ test showed I'm barely average- there are chimpanzees that are smarter...and I can't balance a checkbook...)
It took eight cops , a working dog, and a three day hangover locked up in some random brain farm for me to realize I had been hiding me, myself and I far too long from everyone and everything and spiralling ever downward into that stinky little hole the beast lives in. Still wouldn't know how to get to that wacky ward if my life depended on it. Yeah, the bender was that good...
Anyway, I'm married (barely), have 1.5 kids that are now legally adults (one is a free prize due to marriage), 2.5 pugs and half a chihuahua. One of the pugs is trained as a service support animal and is an expert at making sure my personal space is maintained also he warns me of seizures, but I haven't had one since I got him so I don't know if he actually can do it or not... I also have three turtles, a metric crap tonne of amphibians and fish, a cat, a guinea pig and Gods know what else is crawling around the house.
I used to be a US Navy Phalanx CIWS tech...on amphibs mostly...which meant I played a lot of video games and had a ton of collateral duties. Through sheer dumb luck I ended up as a Master-at-Arms, VBSS team leader, and Honorary Gunner's mate. I survived the worst non-combat Naval disaster in the US since WWII which primed me for a world of hurt when on my next ship I became an involuntary active member in the War on Drugs, which never really happened and wasn't a war depending on who you talk to. I did things and went places you never heard about on CNN and would be hard pressed to find record of anywhere but in the brains of those that were there.
As of this posting, I just had most of the scars that proved otherwise repaired. Well, the physical ones anyway...
Like many, when they kicked me to the curb for the seizures they gave me nothing but a kick in the ass and a non-refundable plane ticket back to PA. I never used the ticket and stumbled around San Diego, CA for a few years in various states of crazy, stoned, drunk and tripping or any random combination thereof. I battled with booze, drugs, homelessness and isolation for so long what little I can remember is all a muddled blur. I ended up weighing 140 pounds at six foot tall with no teeth. No, not from meth. Mostly from some nice CIWS linked DU exposure and a budget that only allowed for intoxicants, cases of Mountain Dew and Top Ramen. This is when the beast started pushing me around. I just didn't know it at the time because I was too caught up in being intoxicated to cope with life the universe and everything.
I came to a few years later here in Nebraska, wondering what year it was and when I got married and why I wasn't on a ship somewhere. To date I have had a hell of a time holding a job, and only since around the time showing up here have truly made headway into being what I think of as "human again". My raging temper and sudden mood swings are the stuff of legend in certain circles from Norfolk to San Diego and many points in between. After working off and on as that guy that can fix damn near anything, anytime, anywhere that no one could stand for long, I learned that that sort of work was great but the assholes you have to work with and around are not conducive to good mental health in those sorts of industrial environments. Or did I?
The last time I got my ass fired, (they swear I quit but I know the truth and that is good enough for me) I decided it was time for a change. So, being selfish and taking the risk of loosing my family, my house and my good credit, I cashed in on my GI Bill and started working on something I had wanted since I was a kid- a degree in Biology and a job in the natural sciences/conservation. This quickly devolved into a Major in General Biology with emphasis on zoology and a Minor in Chemistry as I discovered and learned things I never knew existed. For simplicity sake in general conversation I refer to myself as a biochemist, but the truth is I'm really still that guy that can do a little of everything.
Oddly, education has proven to be a boon in my battle with the beast. Both my own professional knowledge and the all important knowledge of understanding why I am the way I am and what I can do to change it. I still battle the beast daily, but now I keep it on a leash and make it do my bidding instead of the other way around. I am holding a part-time job and finishing up my degree and just got picked to do a paid summer Biologist Internship with the US Army Corp of Engineers. I volunteer at the brand spanking new Millitary Service Center on campus at my school. I research the hell out of everything, because that is the only real useful skill I got from the Navy- the abillity to find and use information. All that good stuff going on and I am still pretty much always a pissed off bastard- I just hide it better now.
I have my good days and my bad. I still huddle up and cry during heavy thunderstorms, and can't sleep for days after the jackasses on Offutt AFB do target practice. I am twitchy and paranoid, and can be a real bastard if I feel I need to be. Water deeper than my waist gives me panic attacks as does folks speaking Spanish with certain South American accents. I also have a hell of a time sleeping. Doc calls it clinical insomnia, I call it a pain in the ass to be used to my advantage rather than detriment.
This site has provided me with something I never had before, a place to speak freely without fear of reparation, some measure of anonymity, and multiple sources that provide support, advice, and information. I consider this place to be one of the foundations on my road to a better quality of life.
