So.....what Do Ya Do?

[Sleeping Dragon]

Been up most of the night, wound so tight I could hear a mouse fart 100 meters down range. So....What do ya do?

Don't want to talk, listen, interact or have anything to do with this shit-for-nothing-world. So.....What do ya do?

If I hear one more honking horn, barking dog or complaining ass hole I'm gonna knock somebody on their ass. So.....What do ya do?

Let it go, and take a baby step, that's what, just one little step. Will you feel better as soon as you take that step? Hell no. Will your problems magically go away because of that little effort? Shit no. Will that pile of crap you're standing in suddenly become milk and honey? No f*cking way.

So, why take the step???? Cause it's better than just standing in the same pile of crap. Cause even a little move will change your perspective of this shit-for-nothing-world, and ya might evern get a glimps of a bit of sunshine. But most important, cause it will lead to another step. And, ya gotta keep moving or you're just another easy target.

This is not a lecture. I'm trying to convince myself.

SD

 

[preston falls]

That's what you do, SD. You take a step and try to knock the shit off your shoes. And you wait for the sun to come up.

Voltaire said you have to tend your garden. Do you still write? Do you have another anchor in your life? Turning to that anchor and trying to lose yourself in it for a while and accomplish something has usually helped me. I build stone walls and walkways on my land. I build furniture in my barn. I write and write and write. I plant trees. I sit by my stream and smoke cigars. You and I both know, you've got to tend your garden, man. It doesn't fix things, but it helps you forget.

 

[Ronin1]

Every time I take that step, I get knocked down. Time and time again I find myself in the gutter. I have actually thought that maybe I have some kind of fetish. SM or something. Maybe I like it when it hurt? Cause every time I get knocked down, I somehow get on my feet again.

But yes. Got to keep moving.

 

[JarHed]

Dickens wrote in a Tale of Two Cities; the first line, 'It was the best of times it was the worst of times'.

That's the way the world is, was and will always be. If you want something from it you have to go out and make it happen. It ain't gonna' come to you or happen to you, at least in a good way. Most of the time. Although sometimes there are pleasant little surprises.

Lately been dealing with some of the worst depression in my life. So the idea of 'what's the point' comes up a lot. Personally when I get there I go and do something that I can focus on, it can be anything. But it's gotta' be something that I can really focus on so that I can get out of the funk I'm in. It works mostly. I've been on meds for depression and won't go on them again unless they're ready to lock me up.

As long as you can take one more step or get back up you're still alive. As shitty as it may get some days it's still better than the alternative. There's no pearls of wisdom here or any where. You've got to find out what makes you want to continue to get out of bed in the morning and keep doing it. It can be really hard sometimes but you have to be tougher than PTSD to live with it.

Sometimes it feels like there are snakes living in my head.

 

[Sarg]

Very well said, SD. That's why I have so many hobbies. 3 a.m.? I plug my electric guitar into the magic music machine and wail like Jimi with no sound for the neighbors. Weekday? That's the "heavy equipment time". 4 inch grinders, pneumatic impact wrenches, I'm the noisiest neighbor in the hood. Photography. Taking pictures these days is the easiest thing you can do and all it costs is for the camera. I can shoot a hundred pictures and may only have ten come out well. Delete the rest with one touch.

Escapes. Little forays into distraction. This 66 yo brain has figured out that it's infinitely easier to side step the beast by distractions rather than try to think my way through him. They don't have to be expensive hobbies, like Preston said, build rock fences. With all our rock in AZ., it's an art form. I'm serious! Really excellent cameras are going for $100-150 and these itty bitty little boxes that slip into your shirt pocket, take higher resolution than my expensive Canon.

And Johnny, by your uniform, it would appear that you are only beginning your journey through this valley of hell. Lesson one...never go toe-to-toe with the beast, he'll win every time. Lesson two...listen to the "old timers". They've learned to live with this and know what NOT to do. (Pssst! I'm an old timer, but don't listen to me, I'm an idiot).

Jar, Brother, I've seen it in your posts and have been totally unable to help. Truth is, I've been up and down a bit myself. Part of it is winter coming, the other simply the way of the beast.

"That which does not kill you, Makes you stronger".

Sarg

 

[JarHed]

Jar, Brother, I've seen it in your posts and have been totally unable to help

Thanks Sarg

I've gotten to the point where I don't waste my time trying to figure out the why of it. I just try to do my best to work through it. It seems, for me at least, to be the best way of dealing with it all at times. I've found that too much of the thinking about the why of it actually made it worse.

I just try to enjoy the times when I feel OK or even good and get through the other times. Coming here helps as I get involved in what's going on and get a chance to express myself.

 

[BaMuoiBa]

SD said: This is not a lecture. I'm trying to convince myself.

Your doing a real good job at it too! You got the basics down and self-talk works for me as well. Listen, some days your the only one who'll talk to you. :confused:

This week has been a shit-sandwich since the get go. Not that long ago I'd jump on the ol' pitty-pot and whine and moan and woe is me. I was tempted pull the shades and ride it out. I had to convince myself this f*cking lemon I was dealt was some how going to end up lemon-aide. A lot of my success so far was to convince myself I can either I deal with it now or carry the BS into next week. The beast has no calender and won't take Sunday's off. I always recall that ol' Fram oil filter commercial "Pay me NOW or Pay me later" so you can't hide. What works for me is to remember "the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time" small steps get's it done!

Ba

 

[reddevil1111]

f*ck it all. Just grab a gun and let the world have it. I dream of giving back some of this hell to others for a bit. Let them figure it all out for the better. I want an uzi with an infinity mag and a couple hundred targets. I've got some aggression to let go of. f*ck the world.

 

[Spock]

Beware of the holidays too, when I was in the padded room, I noticed the rush of new customers and asked why. I was told that is common for the holidays, with all the celebration, there is even more depression for many others.

 

[Spock]

Very well said, SD. That's why I have so many hobbies. 3 a.m.? ...Sarg

Know that one Sarg...sometimes I think the Beast made me a vampire...

 

[Sleeping Dragon]

Thank you my Brothers. As always, you fill in lots of the gaps for me.

Yesterday's pile of crap turned to today's little bit of sun shine. Not ready to head down the road whistling Zippity-Do-Da, but I can make it without a tune.

Yes Preston, I still write. I'm half done with my second book. Don't know what I'd do without it.

SD

 

[preston falls]

SD--

You want a reader? I'd like to see a couple of chapters.

preston