Thanks all, I went to bed after posting here last night. My wife was going to bed, and I don't know why, but we still go through the motions of eating together, shopping together, going to bed together. It's like we both want to be happy, we're just not, and we never talk to each other??? Anyways, the last hope of resolve I cling to is these old routines of ours.
Ba Moi Ba - I assure you I have told the Witch Doctors. They change noting. The keep telling me if I get afraid call 911. I don't want to get to that point. I'm trying to be proactive, because I know I'm going there, but they just keep pushing me down this road. I almost feel like they want me to break.
Spock - I wish I could say my unit supported me, but they do not. After going through my back surgery I was automatically referred to the Wounded Warrior Battalion. During preliminary interview they asked me if I was seeing mental health. When I told them the story, the very next question was, "why don't you have your PH?" I didn't know I rated a PH for a TBI, which opened a whole other can of worms. While trying to put together the endorsements and witness statements, I was literally told I was a scum bag, and what I was doing was a slap in the face to everyone who deserved the PH. It's funny to me, because I'm taking a Anatomy & Physiology class and our intro question is "which body system is MOST important?" 90% of the students answered the nervous system (this is in a military town). Yet in a combat environment unless it's blood and bone, apparently you're making it up, even if you have medical documentation. Long story short, No my command is not supporting me. Not with my TBI, and certainly not with the PTSD or GAD.
It's funny though, because they do believe me. So much so, that when my daughter fell, they launched an unwarranted investigation on me for abuse. If it wasn't for my oldest daughter being in the room and seeing it happen. They probably would've executed me without a trial. During the investigation my oldest daughter fell on the bleachers in school and cut her head. I had to get the entire school to fill out statements. Clearly the believe me. They just don't support me. I don't know why. I went there when things started to get bad, and I went there before I did anything stupid, and I went there on my own accord. Why am I being treated like a criminal. I had 1 really good supervisor (1 rank ahead of me) who saw me come into work one day with my youngest daughter (shortly after everything had happened and babysitting was still kind of dicey). He came up to me afterwards and told me, "the way she holds on to you and looks at you and clings to you, I don't know how they can think your abusive. I'm sorry." It was at that point I realized that my command never even took the time to ask me 1 question when things went wrong. Not one thing. Is your wife O.K.? How is she doing? Is she stable? Where are they keeping her? How are you doing? Is there anything we can do to help? It was just business as usual. It was the same with my daughter. No one called me at the hospital. No one asked me anything. I just came home went to work, no one asked me anything, and then one day there was an investigator at my door. So... No, I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of support.
O.K. I'm rambling. I guess that's why I turned here. I don't have anyone. I'm lost, and scared, and tired, and alone, and I don't know how to get back home from this rabbit hole.
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