Faces...

[Friday]

Instilled in us was one thing.
There are sheep, sheepdogs and wolves.
Sometimes a sheepdog is not enough to keep the herd safe.
It takes a few wolfs on the good side as well.

Understanding that doesn't take away all the guilt but it makes a difference.

Okay... First line through this metaphor I got all ticked off (Yeah but whaddaya do when you are the damn wolf? And worse, like it???). Oh. Knew I could count on you, Dutchie!

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I've literally been in smoking area's at bar's alone. When I wasn't getting any help and going out. Had biker dudes have conversation's wanting to start shit with me. Some macho prison bullshit. I could hear everything the retard said. His buddy was like, "Nah man... I like this guy." All I was doing was smoking a cig in silence. I'm not a huge built guy by any means. I'm like a skinny fat guy :P

I also found it funny how civilians seemed frightened by probably the only guy in the immediate area who would at least attempt to save their life. I look like a bad guy maybe. With a beard... scary. Tattoo's of death and destruction. La Santa Muerte, grimreapers with a 240. Sugar skulls with Gothic candles. But the best feeling I get is when I open the door for an older person, or pick up an old-vet who fell outside on the way to his vehicle.

I help others in my path. When I can. But I am no super man. I am alone. There for my tactic's cannot be the same as it was in the Military. Going out with a pack of killers, chasing girls, or fighting. None of that shit. I don't have backup. So I move quick. Randomly. Always changing my routines. Evading myself it seems.

 

[dutchiedelta]

whaddaya do when you are the damn wolf? And worse, like it???

Maybe it's cos society tells us not to like it Friday.
4 Million years of survival of the fittest are not wiped out by 5000 years of "civilization."
The meek do not inherit the earth without a fight or two.

Coming to terms with the knowledge I can be a nasty bitch took a couple of years.
Still not really comfortable but like most people here, not going to pretend something everybody senses I'm not.

Like DrBlack says, people can shy away instinctively.
Wrote about that in a thread by Combatgoldfish before.
No clue what we radiate but apparently it's there.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

dutchie said "No clue what we radiate but apparently it's there."

I have been dealing with this for a numbers of years. I am only guessing here, but we don't radiate much at all. How can we? Because we are cold and deep down inside we stay cold. I think most of us radiate a since of death and destruction, that others pick up on. They read fear and have no idea why!!! The why is we have nothing else for them to read. I have in the passed help some people, to tell you the truth, I could not have cared if the they lived or died.....Most of these people only think about themselfs anyway, so why should I give a shit. I don't mind being the wolf, I like it, but I don't ever want to become a 100% wolf. I will only do that when I have to. Just a thought, but we could call the Wolf, a Beast.

J R

 

[Spock]

...Evading myself it seems.

Nice line Doc!!! And quite appropriate as we try to cope and buy time to discover our new selves

 

[atilla]

I think i'm 80% wolf 20% sheepdog...on my good days, the sheepdog usually disappears completely on the bad days. I have helped the sheep in the past, but got burned most of the time in doing it. So, now i pretty much stick to myself, if there are no wolves or sheepdogs to hang out with. That's one of the reasons I'm on this site. There are no sheep here Brothers and Sisters.

 

[OldDoorGunner]

atilla said, "That's one of the reasons I'm on this site. There are no sheep here Brothers and Sisters."

That's why we all go BONKERS when a sheep tries to come on as Wolf!!!! The poor sheep has no idea what it's f*cking with.

I must be board as I think it's fun when we get sheep. Maybe we should just play with it for awhile, then eat it. :ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::ROFLMAO::whistle::whistle::whistle:

J R

 

[atilla]

I agree ODG, A sheep don't know it's a sheep...but a wolf knows it's a sheep...lol holy shit, am I starting to sound like Dwight Shrute on the office?...lol

 

[Grizzly]

At this point in my life i dont think im even a wolf. A wolf can be tamed. At least taught. I'm beyond that.

I'm a dragon. I still would prefer to just move forward destroying all. Just stay the f*ck outa my way attitude.

When i got out. Joined the fire dept. Smells of burning shit triggered me. Quit that and decided a paramedic would be good. Seems like i didnt like helping people live all that much. I was missing the compassion for the gig. I quit. No more helping. I'm not proud.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I watched a documentary or it may of even been on here as Dutchie said she touched on it in another threat previously. Yea it just all ties down into the flight or flight response. Instinctively. In a scenario where you are exhibiting signs of anxiety or distress. Uncomfortable, un-easy. Other's can sense it and in their mind they are saying, "Where's the danger!?" "Where's the threat this person seems on edge." "Maybe he's going to rob the place...oh f*ck." "Look at those evil tattoo's!!!" His eye's full of sorrow and not giving a f*ck. Detached.

That's what I dislike the most about myself. And it's not exactly easy to keep a professional appearance when your in and out of the darkness lol. Long hair, beard. All scraggly and shit. I started paying more attention to how I presented myself and dressed.

 

[Grizzly]

Well...tattoos are menacing. Everyone knows that. LOL.

There was a stage in my life where I really wanted a tattoo. During this stage it was a right of passage for many vets.

Now everyone one I see has one. Sadly It doesn't carry the intimidation factor any more.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

I'm actually glad it doesn't carry the intimidation factor. That's one thing I told my shrink. I don't want to go around scaring the shit outa people. I had enough of people ducking, hiding their faces, and herding their children away from me overseas to even feel comfortable when it occurs state-side. It's like an instant red face. Embarrassed. Ashamed.