Hello Folks.

[Reid Walch]

Unlike many of you who have probably done multiple deployments, I only did one. I served as a combat engineer in the guard (get your jabs in if you feel it necessary ) In Iraq our mission was convoy security. I was a gunner in the lead mrap, rg33 I think, we were scanning for like usual for anything weird but there was a multiple array EFP hidden in the guard rail. (This happened 08/28/2009, after we put the damn rails back up) the EFP ripped through the truck and killed my truck commander Sgt.Earl Werner, and Spc. Taylor Marks. I received shrapnel wounds in my legs and a burn on my stomach, but most troublesome has been the TBI and PTSD. And that is why I am here, Its been almost 6 years, and while I am better than I was 6 years ago, but my lows feel much lower than they used to. The only thing keepinge together was my gf and her 2 boys, but she's had enough of my shit for now. We want to be together but my mental barriers are really screwing me over. I could continue for days, if anyone is interested In knowing more about me aND thinks they can help by all means message me. I need help. I've had a counselor for the most of the last 6 years, and it helps, but I'm getting tired of feeling how I feel every damn day. All I want in life is a family and I'm losing hope of it happening. My ups and downs are hard to deal with. That's it in a nutshell I guess.

 

[Friday]

Welcome aboard. It can take a little while to get all of us to sound off on this damn roller coaster, lol or not, if ya happen to catch it coming screaming into the station just at the right time ;) It's a helluva ride, and sometimes just when you think you've got it down, it goes and f*cks everything sideways again. On the upside, I suppose it's not boring. Could stand a little more boring, myself. Hell. Can't even stand my own self some days.

About the only ribbing you'll usually catch around here are the Squids & Jarheads lobbing things at each other out of form from time to time, cause that's just damn required. ((Even then, I think it's just the navy girls who take it seriously ;) )) We've got soldiers, sailors, marines, wingers from all conflicts all over, Vietnam to Present. Doesn't matter where and when and with whom, PTSD is a bitch. TheBeast. Take a knee when the Aussies speak up, they've been here and back a good long while. And the archives are a damn treasure trove of info.

Good news, some of our members have actually figured out the relationship thing. I'm not one of them (unless you count ways to f*ck them up... Can give you chapter an verse on what not to do), so I'll stand aside there :D Again, welcome.

 

[Reid Walch]

I appreciate it, not doing well right now

 

[rickyfinch]

Welcome man. The guard rails getting put back up was one of the most ridiculous things I seen in Iraq. I was in Al-asad 2009-2010.
I'm also pretty new here, but so far I have been damn impressed with the amount of ppl here that understand what we are going through.
Take a knee, read up and together we will persevere.

 

[atilla]

Welcome to the forum Brother.

 

[FieldArtilleryGuy]

Hey man, I'm sorry to hear about everything that went off. My last deployment was in 09-10 and for us it was a joke. ( to the point that they put me in the TOC because I was still in the mentality of it was an all out war.) the fact that Iraq has EFPs still scares the hell out of me because the technology is actually from Iran, (wanna take bets on we're the WMDs actually are?) during my first deployment we couldn't talk about EFPs and even now if I say anything most people including military guys look at me like I'm crazy so it's nice to hear someone else bring them up even though it was a bad situation. I'm married and my wife is very understanding, but I can't tell you how often we are at each others throats. I'd be willing to bet that if it wasn't for the kids my wife would have left me long ago, and I wouldn't blame her. It would be better to be alone than to walk on egg shells in your own home. Take care of yourself man.

 

[vikingr24]

We are lost but we are making good time. (Stolen from Yogi Berra..)

I guess in my time it was Bouncing Betties and pungi sticks with shit on them, that's if the snakes didn't get you.

Welcome.

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Welcome to the forum, Reid Walch.
Plenty of good knowledge on the, "Beast." Here.

 

[spc_ralph]

I know what you mean about those EFPs. I was there 06-07, when the things first started really showing up. We also did convoy security, we had Humvees and MTVs (this was back before the MRAPs). I remember an area that was considered a high EFP threat zone, on MSR Tampa, south of CSC Scania. Those f*cking things scared the shit out of us. Later, when we got assigned to an RRP and were doing route security, we found a few EFPs. And Reid, I was also an NG Combat Engineer. So trust me, no one on here will give you shit about being from the Guard. Bottom line, we all did time in combat, whether in Iraq, Afghanistan, Vietnam, you name it, someone here probably fought there.

 

[LadyDoc]

Hey Reid:
Sorry you are dealing with this to the degree that you feel your lows are getting lower ... That does indeed suck. I am not sure if you have tried this yet, but have you AND the lady friend done any counseling together? How about her alone? I read where you said she is sick of struggling with "your shit". It might be of benefit for her to establish a therapeutic relationship with a therapist who specializes in working with the partners of veterans who have PTS. And perhaps it is time for the two of you to hit a few sessions together.
While you are the one carrying the diagnosis, she and the kiddos also have to deal with this, and I am sure that some days the back splash is freakin' overwhelming for all of you. At times I have seen wives, girlfriends, SOs etc making these big pronouncements about how their veteran's PTS is THEIR PTS, however, I call bullshit on that. While I acknowledge life with someone with PTS may be/is a challenge, it is certainly not theirs to claim or own -- it is a journey, and you are the driver of the vehicle -- they are along for the trip -- probably white-knuckling it a fair amount of the time from the back seat. But you alone are the driver and ultimately need to make the decisions about direction and speed etc.
Your call, brother. Do you pull her in to a few sessions with your counselor or encourage her to find a therapist of her own?
Be blessed ~~ Lady Doc

 

[Jimmy1]

First of all Reid, welcome to our dysfunctional family. Over the years I have befriended and chatted to hundreds of veterans on this site and unfortunately they all have very similar stories, and I am not talking about combat, I am talking about fitting back into their family and their lives after returning.

I am going to get Anthony to add this to the media section if he will, it's worth a read for all parties, being partners, friends and family.

Link Removed

 

[Reid Walch]

Thanks for the reply guys. Lady doc, she had seen my counselor with me, but she didn't want to go to the vet center here for free couples counseling. We had seen another counselor together, who was not a ptsd type counselor, it didn't work well for me, I felt like it was more about her when we saw that counselor. What a shit show. So burned out on being angry and depressed About this crap. I wonder how many minutes a day I take off my life with the anger and sadness and damned anxiety. Thanks for listening/reading.