A Little Hesitant...

[Deleted member 43610]

Hello all,
Was recommended this forum by a friend, so I thought I would sign up, see what it is like and then go from there.
1) U.S. Army.
2) Infantry/CAV.
3) Iraq, Al Anbar Provence 2005-6; 14 months.
4) Went outside the wire daily as well as multiple day missions. Yes I saw "action".
5) Have physical injuries to include TBI as well as combat related PTSD (actually C-PTSD).
6) I am rated 100% T&P with IU...
7) I'm a mess. Depression, anger, sadness... the whole spectrum.
8) I broke my brain.
9) It took a long time to write this.
10) I am not here to brag or tell war stories. I am looking to finding more paths to becoming more healthy.
11) I hope I can find help here as well as help others.

 

[TankerMedic]

Hang in there brother. Things will get better. I am stationed at the new Walter Reed and going through a Med-Board myself for my mTBI/TBI and PTSD, GAD and S.I. You did the first great step and that was signing up for this forum. There are a lot of great veterans here that can help and give advice. Every day is a struggle for me and many others on here. You are NOT alone. hit me up if you have any questions or if there is anything we can do to help you.

-Josiah

 

[Deleted member 43454]

Hey,
Welcome to the forum.

 

[Deleted member 43610]

I got a little sleep so I'll expand a little more on my intro...

First off, thanks for the welcome, I have read around on the forums a bit and am getting a better feel...
A little more background... I have been in one VA inpatient PTSD/Polytrauma program and a second program that is a NON-VA inpatient PTSD/Combat Trauma inpatient program. Both 4-6 months. So I hope that have some knowledge that can contribute to the community.

What I find lacking in my own recovery is, for a lack of a better term, finding others who want to improve their lives and wanting to heal. Not even therapists can totally help on that front. Drs have their purpose in the healing, but I've just realized that it is time to try something different, so here I am. After a period of trying to go it alone after the VA has labeled me as "stable" and asked me to quit coming for mental health counciling because other Warfighters need the spot and "they have done all they can do".
Which was at the time all very, I hate to admit, heartbreaking. This left me thinking that I was as good as I was/am going to get and to "Soldier on". I have recently, through hours of thinking about it and encouragement by my friend, decided to try this group. But yes, I am figuring out I need to find others who are looking for the same help as myself.
This is me looking for help down my path to regaining control of my life and not having something beyond my control, control me.

I'll quit here... Give me a keyboard and I'll type forever. I am feeling positive, so far. Thanks again. I'll add more about my background I guess as I post of figure out the "about me" system...

 

[atilla]

Welcome to the forum Brother. Old desert storm grunt here glad you could join us. Don't worry about the war stories Bro, we've all lived similar shit, and im sure you wont here any here. You've come to the right place. There's some great Brothers and Sisters on here, from Vietnam to current, and we're all about 1 thing; and thats trying to keep a leash on ptsd (or the beast as we call it here). Theres alot of info here in dealing with the beast, but you have to look for it. The main thing is you're here and thats a step in the right direction. Anytime you want to talk, hit any of us up. Again welcome, you're among friendlies here.

 

[Friday]

Which was at the time all very, I hate to admit, heartbreaking. This left me thinking that I was as good as I was/am going to get and to "Soldier on"...

Cha. Never accept 'close enough for govt. work' as the best that can be done. Doesn't even scratch the surface. Just means you aren't actively bleeding out, not that you're wellest. Keep moving. & Welcome.

 

[TankerMedic]

My New Normal: I am going through my MEB/PEB and it looks as though I will be Medically Retired. one of the therapies I am going through is Occupational & Recreational therapy. Archery, horseback riding, cooking, quail hunts, duck hunts, gun ranges. and yes, even yoga. all of these are done in groups with other Wounded Warriors and active and formerly active service members living with PTSD and all the other alphabet disorders. it helps, it really does help to be in physical proximity to others dealing with The Beast, shooting crossbows, cooking large meals together, horseback riding down trails. camping and being back in the brotherhood.

Where are you located? are you anywhere close to the National Capitol Region? Near Walter Reed?

 

[vikingr24]

Welcome home. Unload all gear, and drop a knee.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome to the forum mate. The biggest battle we all face is acceptance that we are broken. The rest of the world expect us to keep them safe then wonder why we act differently when we come home.

I joined this forum in 2009, this forum and the people on it taught me more than any course, or program could ever teach and they are here for you when you are in need. Don't get me wrong, I wish we had a Walter Reid here, I would be there in a flash.

The other important point about this site is that we all have a beast on our back and we all know how hard it is to get up every day.

Stay safe and I hope to learn from you.

 

[Deleted member 43610]

My New Normal: I am going through my MEB/PEB and it looks as though I will be Medically Retired. one of the therapies I am going through is Occupational & Recreational therapy. Archery, horseback riding, cooking, quail hunts, duck hunts, gun ranges. and yes, even yoga. all of these are done in groups with other Wounded Warriors and active and formerly active service members living with PTSD and all the other alphabet disorders. it helps, it really does help to be in physical proximity to others dealing with The Beast, shooting crossbows, cooking large meals together, horseback riding down trails. camping and being back in the brotherhood.

Where are you located? are you anywhere close to the National Capitol Region? Near Walter Reed?

I live outside of Las Vegas, so I am much more a left coaster

When I was in the mental health programs, they were very "Unf*ck yourself and go home" except the non VA program. There were not nearly the opportunities to bond that you have now. There were a few while I was inpatient, but I didn't take advantage of the few that were available. Now, I feel that I have been out too long and its time for the "young bloods" to have the spots in these programs. I would feel funny trying to find a program like you explained having been out and rated for years.

I went through a stage were my head wasn't on straight. I thought, nor would not admit, that I was not as bad off as they said. Now years later I am wore down from struggling and as vikingr24 said, I feel the need to: "Unload all gear, and drop a knee". I am staying the same and my injuries are getting worse.
So after A LOT of hubris I have come to realize I am one broken individual. I was discharged in 2007 and there was not much offered to me. I would love to do things like you mentioned with fellow brothers.

So to simplify: 1) There just wasn't much of anything out there back when I got out. It was geared towards amputees 2) I had the attitude "There is nothing wrong with me" 3) I had a very stupid and incorrect attitude that "this too shall pass" and did a lot of nothing, thinking, "time heals all wounds".

I'm sure if I though more than I typed my posts would make more sense.

 

[Grizzly]

I live outside of Las Vegas, so I am much more a left coaster

When I was in the mental health programs, they were very "Unf*ck yourself and go home" except the non VA program. There were not nearly the opportunities to bond that you have now. There were a few while I was inpatient, but I didn't take advantage of the few that were available. Now, I feel that I have been out too long and its time for the "young bloods" to have the spots in these programs. I would feel funny trying to find a program like you explained having been out and rated for years.

I went through a stage were my head wasn't on straight. I thought, nor would not admit, that I was not as bad off as they said. Now years later I am wore down from struggling and as vikingr24 said, I feel the need to: "Unload all gear, and drop a knee". I am staying the same and my injuries are getting worse.
So after A LOT of hubris I have come to realize I am one broken individual. I was discharged in 2007 and there was not much offered to me. I would love to do things like you mentioned with fellow brothers.

So to simplify: 1) There just wasn't much of anything out there back when I got out. It was geared towards amputees 2) I had the attitude "There is nothing wrong with me" 3) I had a very stupid and incorrect attitude that "this too shall pass" and did a lot of nothing, thinking, "time heals all wounds".

I'm sure if I though more than I typed my posts would make more sense.

It's never too late. I waited 20+ years before I admitted that this isn't normal and sought help. Never too late.

 

[TankerMedic]

I live outside of Las Vegas, so I am much more a left coaster

When I was in the mental health programs, they were very "Unf*ck yourself and go home" except the non VA program. There were not nearly the opportunities to bond that you have now. There were a few while I was inpatient, but I didn't take advantage of the few that were available. Now, I feel that I have been out too long and its time for the "young bloods" to have the spots in these programs. I would feel funny trying to find a program like you explained having been out and rated for years.

I went through a stage were my head wasn't on straight. I thought, nor would not admit, that I was not as bad off as they said. Now years later I am wore down from struggling and as vikingr24 said, I feel the need to: "Unload all gear, and drop a knee". I am staying the same and my injuries are getting worse.
So after A LOT of hubris I have come to realize I am one broken individual. I was discharged in 2007 and there was not much offered to me. I would love to do things like you mentioned with fellow brothers.

So to simplify: 1) There just wasn't much of anything out there back when I got out. It was geared towards amputees 2) I had the attitude "There is nothing wrong with me" 3) I had a very stupid and incorrect attitude that "this too shall pass" and did a lot of nothing, thinking, "time heals all wounds".

I'm sure if I though more than I typed my posts would make more sense.

Let me see what I can find out for you, I work with a several OC/RC therapists that have connections in different fields throughout the US. I am from the Pac-NW myself. I miss the west coast, almost as much as I miss being in Combat Arms. Let me see what I can find out for you.