Passively suicidal

[hermione]

I have a nutritionist I see tomorrow. There are ed programs around me but they don't help me. I don't know if any trauma programs around me and I am sure my therapist would have told me or looked into it. We can't even find trauma support groups around me. And ed programs tend to make me worse...it's really the trauma the root of that were more in control I think my eating disorder would not be as bad and I am not all that bad for me right now eating disorder wise I mean not my worst so I feel it's ok for now

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@hermione I have also been labeled passively suicidal, except for me its chronically passively suicidal (it's my baseline). I wonder if the right term is being used, from what you posted it seems to be your somewhere in between passive and actively suicidal.

You might consider Sheppard Pratt's Trauma Disorders Unit, as they help me learn how to manage my flashbacks, and such. I now can have a flashback without it eventually making me suicidal. They changed my path for the positive in a big way. It seems your therapist and pdoc are sitting on the fence on whether you should be in hospital. It would be a lot better if you were somewhere where you can get your PTSD addressed as a regular psych unit is not equipped for that and you won't gain much. It would be better coming from you if you asked for what you need in this regard as eventually your S/I will move you to needing hospital intervention.

There are other PTSD hospitals you can check out, Mclean in Mass, stay away from PIW in Wash DC.

 

[EveHarrington]

@hermione I have also been labeled passively suicidal, except for me its...

Why is PIW bad?

 

[hermione]

Thank you for the advice. My therapist always considered my eating disorder passively suicidal because it's like a slow way for me to die without actually killing myself and I admit to that . I can manage for a little while just not good right now. If I went to the hospital as much as I don't want to leave work I am sure a trauma based program would be best. I really hate ptsd and it came to my therapist I most likely have c-ptsd though not in the dsm or anything it confirms what I thought when I read about it a while ago. Lots of struggle right now.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Why is PIW bad?

For one for them its all about the money, they have been sued many times because the forced patients to stay until insurance ran out then literally kicked them out once insurance would not pay. Forced by taking position they will claim the patient is unsafe or unable to care for self.

Even on the trauma unit, there are past patients who said they were more traumatized by the trauma unit than before they were admitted.

When I was there, there was one patient there for a week, who was threatening everyone, staff begged administration to move him to a more appropriate setting like the intensive care unit. Admin refused repeatedly. Eventually that patient assaulted another patient for no reason at all, and I was mere feet away from it all when it happened. I almost got assaulted too. After this happened a large number of patients signed AMA papers, and made formal patient right complaints. Nothing ever came of any complaints including my own. So for the first week I was there I was essentially in a torture chamber. By the time the weekend came around I was so suicidal I started cutting with my arms with my fingernails making them all bloody, followed by beginning to bang my head on the rock hard tile floor in the bathroom, knowing if I did it hard enough shaken brain syndrome could cause my brain to swell. I just need to get away from it. And I was desperate. This is not how a hospitalization should go.

Just google, there reviews from past patients says it all.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

my eating disorder passively suicidal because it's like a slow way for me to die without actually killing myself

I actually did this before I was in sheppard pratt, my therapist to me to stop because it would prevent me from getting in sheppard pratt. I also did it while in sheppard pratt. I learned the first time that after 5-7 days that some of damage has begun and some is irreversible. At 3 days I got medically unstable. So I learned it is one way to go.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Why is PIW bad?

I forgot to mention I stopped eating several times at PIW, they did not care what I did.

 

[hermione]

Sorry PIW was so bad I don't know much about trauma programs but good to know what to avoid. when i go into regular psych units i just stop eating and no one cares at all i know i have done damage being anorexic 31 years at this point. i wish i didn't feel how i feel i did do something nice today that was fun but now i am home and feel like shit again physically and emotionally. i see my therapist again Wednesday and then not this week but i believe next week seeing my psychiatrist. see what they both have to say about everything. just struggling i am exhausted now probably sleeping soon and its only 6:20pm...sad but just too tired and sad to do anything adn work tomorrow...another day another struggle...

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

@hermione sorry to hear about your anorexia, I made friends years ago with someone who was anorexic so I have some understanding of what you go thru, we both were in state hospital (psych), they did not watch her well enough, tragic ending, we had dinner in the cafeteria together, she said she did not feel well and went back to her unit, about half an hour later they called a code blue, she bleed out from eroded esophagus, and pronounced on site. Almost immediately they came and got me because we became close, and transferred me back to their intensive care unit. Gave me some medicine (not my usual, this knocked me out). They apparently feared for how I would react, expecting self-harm as a response.

 

[EveHarrington]

Have you looked into something like River Oaks? I think they have programs for both PTSD and ED.

 

[hermione]

It's hard my best friend died of her eating disorder 2 years ago this August sad I know the risks and damage already done but it's just a constant struggle. I was doing ok then some shit happened and I became well a mess. I can look at River Oaks never heard of it before. I just need to be ok in October I have a big trip planned with a friend we buy tickets for events tomorrow I don't want to ruin everything for someone else because I can't get it together...but if I died guess that would ruin it too...

 

[hermione]

I just looked up river oaks I would have to find out how long a stay is and how I could do the trauma and eating disorder when my eating disorder is an issue but not at it's worse and eating disorder programs tend to make me worse I have never done a trauma program idk I am having a phone session tonight with my therapist scared to bring anything up though ...