How do i safely put my inner child away?

[EveHarrington]

God, this sounds horrible, like I'm locking a child in a closet.

I've tried talking to my inner child, explaining to her that it's not safe for her, for US, if she's out and expressing herself. I told her that adult me needs to take the reigns for now as things aren't safe and her presence puts doubts into how competent others see me. She's not out much, and isn't a safety risk in and of herself. It's the perception of her that puts doubts into the minds of others.

I think she understands but it's hard knowing what a very young child can comprehend.

I told her I'd take her out on play dates at night when we're alone with nobody to judge and she seemed ok with that. I just need to find a park that doesn't close at dark.

A part of me feels like it's dying. f*ck you, adult world. My safety shouldn't be threatened because 99% of the world killed off their own inner children and therefore they don't understand.

 

[Friday]

A part of me feels like it's dying. f*ck you, adult world. My safety shouldn't be threatened because 99% of the world killed off their own inner children and therefore they don't understand

99% of the world doesn't have to hide their playing in shame. They just go to the park.

Adult play is usually more complex than child play, because it evolves. Taller trees to climb become mountains. The raft in the back yard pond becomes a white water kayak, or a sailboat. Taking apart a toaster in the recycle bin becomes rebuilding the engine of a car. Scribbling with crayons become gallery pieces. But the mountain climber will still get a gleam of mischief in their eye as they pass a tree, grab a branch, and up they go. Not because it's a challenge, or a test of their skill, but just because it looked like fun. It's a really normal thing to play. At all skill levels. It's also really normal to say not right now to the sudden impulse, and put it off for later. The trick with later, is to not make that actually mean never & no, but after work or this weekend.

So, maybe, instead of thinking that doing something fun -no matter how childlike- makes you different from 99% of the world? That learning to follow through and go jump off the swings, or hang upside down, or make paper boats, or whatever; is rejoining the 99% of the world who still does that.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

I turned "play" into being a regular part of my daily routine...turning some things into part of my regular decor to make it readily accessible when I feel the need to partake...like the mini-trampoline, the hula hoop, nature exploration, etc.

It's technically exercise, but that sounds so boring and way too formal to be enjoyable, so I simply call it purposeful daily movement. It's playing with a purpose, I suppose.

I get my daily activity needs met, continually peak my curiosity and allow for distractions while venturing out to seek treasures and nurturing "weeds" in nature, feeling deeply connected to something a lot larger than myself as I recognize and soak in the abundance of beauty that surrounds me everyday, and I get to fully enjoy the child-like wonder that everyone beat/molested/trampled on when I was a child.

Being able to do that now feels like having access to a life line I never knew existed before, based solely on my upbringing and early experiences.

I often celebrate the least of things and I'm looked upon as quite careless/immature/reckless at times by others, but that's their thing to deal with, not mine...unless I choose to make it my issue.

I can't explain exactly how I arrived in this space, other than life having already sent me in all the other directions that never worked out healthily, leaving me with few options.

It sometimes seems like life sent me back to a state of functioning where I had no choice but to totally start over, so I feel I've more than earned the right to re-live my childhood however I damn well please. As we all have.

 

[EveHarrington]

I guess I do have a lot of shame.

Shame in the very childlike way she expresses herself. The way she talks. It's obvious a childlike part has taken over. It can't be hidden with adult versions of play. She doesn't express herself that way.

 

[Enaila]

99% of the world doesn't have to hide their playing in shame. They just go to the park.

Adult play is...

I love your explanation and it brought me a sense of peace!

 

[Suzetig]

It can't be hidden with adult versions of play. She doesn't express herself that way.

So exercise that part of you that needs expression through childlike play whether that be dolls, or colouring, or whatever. Does it need to be in a park or somewhere public? If so it may be worth working out why that is - is there a way to duplicate that, or to just go and play on a swing for a while.

One of the challenges, and joys of having children is getting to play with them in their world - do you have any small children in your life you could play with? Most children love the childlike part of the adults in their life and will happily play (which gives you permission to play too).