Can we ever get back what we lost?

[Lost_cause]

hi everyone,

I have suffered with PTSD due to the birth and death of my daughter 4 years ago. 15 months after we lost another child and again caused PTSD. We had our third pregnancy just over a year ago. Since then I can not stand to be intimate. I can't stand to be touched. I'm terrified that any contact will lead to pregnancy or another loss and 9 months of fear.

In over 12 months I have only been intimate a handful of times. It has taken a lot to allow it to happen. I love my partner so much but I'm terrified. I'm on contraception even though we aren't even in a position to have sex. I'm currently having EMDR but I just don't see how I can get rid of this fear. (I have fallen pregnant twice on two different contraceptions) even if I went further and did something more permanent to ensure I don't fall pregnant I don't think I can cope being intimate still worrying about getting pregnant.

How can I move past this? I have explained to my partner but he thinks I'm falling out of love with him or I have someone else. The thought of being with anyone else could not be further from my mind.

Any words of wisdom?

 

[illusionist]

You can still be sexual without intercourse...the joining of two souls....connecting on a deeper level, and still have the sexual release. Intimacy comes in many forms.....maybe you can consider exploring?

 

[Lost_cause]

You can still be sexual without intercourse...the joining of two souls....connecting on a deeper le...

I agree it doesn't have to be all about physical sex but when I'm scared to even hug or kiss my partner cause of where it can lead to is what scares me. I don't know if this is a seperate issue I need to see the GP about or can the EMDR help with this

 

[illusionist]

Is it your expectation or what you think is his expectation?

 

[Lost_cause]

Is it your expectation or what you think is his expectation?

Probably a bit of both. I know the loss of intimacy is bothering him more than he is letting on. So I feel that pressure even though he doesn't put it on me. He does mention it and more so recently but I know he's struggling to be patient and doesn't completely understand my fears

 

[illusionist]

Maybe speak to him......tell him that you miss the intimacy as well.....maybe we can take it on a different level?...just for now until I get help in dealing with this?

BTW......I know the fear, and I also know the strain on a relationship. Communication is so important, something I lacked.

 

[Deleted member 541]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It must have been extremely difficult to lose 2 children this way. You say you had a third pregnancy, did this also become a loss or was it a successful pregnancy????

 

[Lost_cause]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It must have been extremely difficult to lose 2 children this way. You...

It was a successful pregnancy but again full of complications and they thought she had the same illness our daughter had and died from so it was a worrying few days when she was first born. But since having her it has changed dramatically.

 

[shimmerz]

Communication is so important, something I lacked.

Yeah, and I think for me, the lack of communication from me is because I had no words for it for myself let alone anyone else.

Therapy? Did you mention whether you were in therapy?

 

[Lost_cause]

Yeah, and I think for me, the lack of communication from me is because I had no words for it for mysel...

Hi have been in grief counselling for two years and it didn't help. I have had cbt but started emdr in the last 2 weeks