Sunshine702
New Here
I was with my boyfriend, a two-time Iraqi combat veteran, for three years. When I first met him, he was suicidal, his roommate was stealing from him, and he was one payment away from foreclosing on his house. I helped him with all of that and I began to fall in love with him.
When we first got together, I found out he had a woman living with him. Apparently, their relationship was over, but he has a difficult time being alone and I guess was lining the next woman up in me. He did not know that our relationship would blossom into what it did, and so I let it go.
A few months after we began dating, he moved in with me.
A few months into our relationship, I found him messaging an old date on Facebook, making plans to get together. When confronted, he said that he knew they never would, he was just saying that. He apologized, told her he had a girlfriend, and removed all former women from his Facebook. I thought we were making progress. A year or so later, I found out he was having lunches with an old coworker. He said they were just friends, but he was secretive about it and it made me concerned. He removed this person from his life as well to stay faithful to me. Every time we would fight, he would get on online dating websites, but we would always reconcile and I would go back to assuming he was trustworthy and loved me.
Most recently, I found out that he was texting a coworker and having inappropriate conversations about how he wanted a threesome, how he and I didn't have sex enough, and she was saying they should get together outside of work and he was agreeing. He never mentioned this friend to me and this had been going on for three months (during which time, I became pregnant and unfortunately had a miscarriage). When I found this out, I became furious and ended up kicking him out. I really lost my mind. I thought after three years of being together, being engaged, trying to have a baby, that we were secure in our relationship. He had been telling this girl (and others) how unhappy he was with me but never telling me any of this unhappiness. Turns out, he also had an escort's phone number in his phone.
Since he left, he has completely shut me out. Apparently, he ended up going into inpatient care at the VA, presumably for psychiatric care (no one will tell me). He is now out and still will not respond to me. I have sent so many texts, called, sent emails apologizing, trying to get him to communicate with me, and he absolutely won't. He has been in touch with my parents over some obligations and that has now caused a riff between myself and my parents because I feel like their communication with him is betrayal. I am still caring for his dog; he will not respond to any emails asking about when he wants the dog or how long I should be expected to care for him.
I feel like I am being punished for reacting to something he caused by his behavior. I love him so much and I can't imagine my life without him, but he refuses to speak to me, and I know I should not be okay with his ongoing behavior. Not a day goes by that I do not cry over this. I honestly do not know what to do. He has previously just shut people out in his life who he feels have wronged him with no remorse and I feel like I am the next one on that list. Everyone tells me I am better off without him, but when we were good, we were so good. He is now on dating sites calling himself "newly single" but I can't seem to accept that we can't work through this even though he always has one foot out the door.
Can anyone give me some advice? I don't know what to do anymore about anything.
When we first got together, I found out he had a woman living with him. Apparently, their relationship was over, but he has a difficult time being alone and I guess was lining the next woman up in me. He did not know that our relationship would blossom into what it did, and so I let it go.
A few months after we began dating, he moved in with me.
A few months into our relationship, I found him messaging an old date on Facebook, making plans to get together. When confronted, he said that he knew they never would, he was just saying that. He apologized, told her he had a girlfriend, and removed all former women from his Facebook. I thought we were making progress. A year or so later, I found out he was having lunches with an old coworker. He said they were just friends, but he was secretive about it and it made me concerned. He removed this person from his life as well to stay faithful to me. Every time we would fight, he would get on online dating websites, but we would always reconcile and I would go back to assuming he was trustworthy and loved me.
Most recently, I found out that he was texting a coworker and having inappropriate conversations about how he wanted a threesome, how he and I didn't have sex enough, and she was saying they should get together outside of work and he was agreeing. He never mentioned this friend to me and this had been going on for three months (during which time, I became pregnant and unfortunately had a miscarriage). When I found this out, I became furious and ended up kicking him out. I really lost my mind. I thought after three years of being together, being engaged, trying to have a baby, that we were secure in our relationship. He had been telling this girl (and others) how unhappy he was with me but never telling me any of this unhappiness. Turns out, he also had an escort's phone number in his phone.
Since he left, he has completely shut me out. Apparently, he ended up going into inpatient care at the VA, presumably for psychiatric care (no one will tell me). He is now out and still will not respond to me. I have sent so many texts, called, sent emails apologizing, trying to get him to communicate with me, and he absolutely won't. He has been in touch with my parents over some obligations and that has now caused a riff between myself and my parents because I feel like their communication with him is betrayal. I am still caring for his dog; he will not respond to any emails asking about when he wants the dog or how long I should be expected to care for him.
I feel like I am being punished for reacting to something he caused by his behavior. I love him so much and I can't imagine my life without him, but he refuses to speak to me, and I know I should not be okay with his ongoing behavior. Not a day goes by that I do not cry over this. I honestly do not know what to do. He has previously just shut people out in his life who he feels have wronged him with no remorse and I feel like I am the next one on that list. Everyone tells me I am better off without him, but when we were good, we were so good. He is now on dating sites calling himself "newly single" but I can't seem to accept that we can't work through this even though he always has one foot out the door.
Can anyone give me some advice? I don't know what to do anymore about anything.
