High functioning with ptsd/cptsd

[Deleted member 541]

@lostforgottensoul Ok, so one of the mantras here is.... NEVER compare your trauma to someone else's.... So why would you compare yourself to someone else, as we are all DIFFERENT????? Just something to think about...

 

[Sideways]

This is exactly why I feel it is dangerous.

It's dangerous when you add cognitive distortions. And if it's not helpful to you to consider function? Easy. Don't.

Function is just a measure. There's actually not a whole lotta judgement going on when people's function is being assessed.Do you feed yourself? Do you shower yourself? Do you wash your clothes? Do you work? Do you exercise? Function.

The question is about what improves function. It's no more judgemental than going to a forum for people with ambulatory conditions and asking ehst improves ambulation.

There is some kind of schema in play for you if you are unable to answer questions like, "Do you feed yourself ", without having to add a whole heap of your own justifications about "Well I do but don't forget that I'm suffering ", or "You underestimate how hard it is", or, or, or.

The question is simply- are you tracking high on the function meter? And if you are, what keeps you functional?

All the extra stuff about how people do or don't judge you based on whether you're functional? Is cognitive issues in your mind. They are not fact. Function? Is a fairly objective measure.

 

[Beans]

This is exactly why I feel it is dangerous. Even if those that you feel is looking down on a...

"High functioning" is just 2 words put together. You can use them to beat yourself up or to judge pple or you can use it as a descriptor. There's nothing wrong with the words. I've been high functioning and low functioning. It's not a dangerous comparison in the least. It's a description of my level of functioning. Right now I'm low functioning and the words bother me not at all. By the criteria of outer functioning i'm on the low end atm.

It's probably better not to use the description if it bothers you or you find you only use it to beat yourself up. However, just cause one person uses it to beat themself up doesn't mean the words in themselves are dangerous. And certainly not everyone uses it to judge or beat themselves up. Like my kids with disabilities high or low functioning, describe outer behavior, no judgement attached to their value or worth whatsoever.

(this kinda reminds me of these... odd arguements online where pple take offense to the word obese according to the criteria of bmi. It's like according to bmi, i'm obese. This is straight by criteria, how can people take offense to the definition? If you use it as a value judgement on yourself sure then you'll have a big problem, if not then it's nbd. I'm almost to the overweight category now yay!)

 

[Teasel]

I'm almost to the overweight category now yay!...

Congrats :D

 

[Beans]

Congrats :D

Thanks!:D I can see the end goal if i squint... through binoculars lol!:roflmao:

 

[joeylittle]

There is some kind of schema in play for you if you are unable to answer questions like, "Do you feed yourself ", without having to add a whole heap of your own justifications about "Well I do but don't forget that I'm suffering ", or "You underestimate how hard it is", or, or, or.

Excellent and important point. Applying objective measures is something that takes practice but becomes very useful.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Function is just a measure.

Right but then what happens if you measure low? Does that lower self worth?

I'm honestly not 100% sure why I am struggling with this.

To measure, you must have something to measure against. Something to compare against. Don't we? Like a man is taller then another or taller then the average man so the man is labeled tall. That's how it's working out in my brain anyway.

I'll try to sit back, read, and see if I can't get more of an understanding of how you all are understanding this term and more clarity as I feel I am understanding it much different then the bulk and I know a debate isn't what the thread is about and neither is my own brain workings and I also don't want to derail nor hijack the thread so I'll just sit back and read.

 

[scout86]

Right but then what happens if you measure low? Does that lower self worth?

It only lowers your self worth if you choose to look at it as a value judgement that you find meaningful, rather than just information. It CAN be just information. Really. It can be information you use to try to find better ways to do things.

This is a little bit like me sharing that I rarely lose my car keys these days because I realized I tend to put them down on the first convenient surface when I come in the house, so I put a box there to put the keys in. Now I can find my keys (usually). Someone else might find that helpful. I found @Friday's comments about setting things up so they kind of take care of themselves helpful. Why? Because sometimes I have a really hard time accomplishing some tasks & I can see how I can use that approach and it might help. But does it mean I'm a dumb ass because she figured it out first? Not necessarily. Does it mean she's God's gift to the universe? Not necessarily. (Although she might be exactly that.)

This only has to be about value judgements if someone chooses to take it that way. That some of us tend to see things that way is a separate issue. And, who knows, someone might come up with a good hack for dealing with that.

 

[Sideways]

@lostforgottensoul - for me, my level of function from one week to the next has become a really valuable indicator of my mood. When my function is low (for example, weeks that I've struggled to feed myself each day), it's one indicator that perhaps my mood is going down, and action is required.

Funciton is only a measure of self-worth if you're attaching that value to it. Because, my inherent value as a human? Doesn't change depending on whether I'm able to feed myself that week.

 

[PineFairy]

Honestly the biggest thing was differentiating functioning from personal responsibility to fulfill my own needs. Sure I was able to "appear" normal and go to class, work a job, eat 3 meals a day, all that. But I still felt alone with my symptoms and problems because the people in my life meant well but didn't really get it, or some denied/minimized the problem. I was putting requirements on external circumstances and people, only to be let down. Then I was constantly convincing myself I was fragile/broken and also that I (simultaneously) expected therapy and pills and stuff to "fix" me. The pain of acknowledging I had no control over what had happened to me felt too big, and so what I was currently experiencing (intrusive memories, difficulty relating to people, anxiety and anger and other really super fun PTSD stuff) let me say "Well that's it, I'm broken" as a way to not be present or put faith in my own abilities. I'm sure you can guess that it didn't work.

I realized, finally, was that while no one is going to hand me a solution, no one is going to stop me from seeking one either. I don't offer that as an empty platitude, and a couple of years ago I'd be scoffing at this, and finding reasons why I "can't" try. I had to quit therapists who were kind but unhelpful and wait for someone who was more specialized. I had to (with a dr's ok) go off the medication that was allowing me to appear "ok" but just masking the problem without letting me feel enough to actually heal from it, if that makes sense. And it was rough, sometimes I thought I was losing my mind. There's a feeling of "no one understand this but me" and while that can be limiting, the more functional and helpful approach I've found for myself is to say "only I can creatively put together a solution that addresses the nuances of a problem that only I understand."

High functioning to me means figuring out what I need, allowing myself to need it and seeking that fulfillment without putting on external things I can't control. Sometimes this meant admitting that my school performance (I was in college at the time) was compromised and I need to take the quarter off and read some PTSD books and do some intense therapy. Sometimes it meant laying to rest the expectations and disappointments I had in people close to me, and moving on anyway. I think it's all relative to a person's unique situation, but from what I can tell, self-knowledge and care, goal-direction and compassion vs. pity, like you say, are all elements of it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

This is a little bit like me sharing that I rarely lose my car keys these days because I realized I tend to put them down on the first convenient surface when I come in the house, so I put a box there to put the keys in. Now I can find my keys (usually). Someone else might find that helpful. I found @Friday's comments about setting things up so they kind of take care of themselves helpful.

Right, but that's just taking advice and overall growth in general. I guess I am struggling with functional/functioning vs higher functioning vs not functional. What dictates this? Growth? Bettering yourself? And what moves you from functioning to higher functioning?

Or (maybe I just had a lightbulb moment) is it higher, as in growth, functioning. As in making your functioning some how higher yhen it currently is. Ok, that's it. I've now just rambled myself through understanding, I think, what this means. I was thinking about it like I wrote above but what I think you all mean is improving functioning, thus making it some what higher. Is that close?

ETA: I was thinking of it as two completely seperate things: functional and higher functional, not making your functioning higher some how. But I think I see what you are saying now.

 

[Suzetig]

I think the concept of "high functioning" can be useful if you detach it from the concept of financial/economic success and the idea that people who are able to function well in daily life do so without struggling. If you read the OP @lostforgottensoul you'll see they were explicit about this thread being about supporting growth in functioning not about comparing or judging low/high functioning.

From the outside looking in I appear to be "high functioning" in that I manage to hold down a job, keep my house clean and tidy, take care of myself, make sure the family are fed and watered and study part time. What people don't see are the strategies I use to keep everything on track, the planning and the support I have from family and friends. I really struggle day by day to do what I need to do.

Left to my own devices there are days and weeks I wouldn't get myself out of bed - "low functioning" by any measure. Having both aspects to my illness I certainly don't look down on someone who isn't functioning as they might like, and I know that keeping things ticking over for me is a very careful, tricky balance. Sharing helpful strategies isn't about saying I'm doing so much better than you, its about saying "there are ways to make daily life a tiny bit easier, reduce your stress load and help you keep walking on" - what's not to like.