New to therapy

[nowthisisme]

Hi. This is my first time joining a forum, I am normally a very private person and very paranoid that someone might see my demons. I have managed to live my life blocking everything that has happened to me but it caught up to me. It is now effecting me health, mind, and ability to complete tasks. My focus and memory are extremely bad and my thoughts get blocked for no reason. It drastically effected my work and personal life. So now i am forced to face my demons in order to salvage whatever mental health i have left.
I decided to start seeing a therapist and i was lucky to find a good one. But i don't know what is expected of me, I went to 4 sessions so far, the 1st was an intro, 2nd she began asking more detailed questions (which cause me to panic), so on my 3rd visit i went prepared and flipped the session around, I asked her a bunch of questions and explained to her that i have bad trust issues and i cant just open up. I am a closed book that nobody has been able to open. Her response was truly amazing, she was very sincere and open about her role, she told me more about herself which allowed me to see her as a human rather then a machine analyzing my brain. I left that session relaxed and confident that i found the right person to help me.
Today's session was brutal. I have never in my life opened up to anyone the way i did with her. I promised myself that i was going to be honest and try to answer the questions she throws at me, which i did. But i regret it, I am so scared of where this road is taking me. We barley scratched the tip of the ice burg and i couldn't handle it. I left her office so confused and scared, i can see the benefit of this but the process is terrifying me.
May i ask if anyone has felt this way? How long did it talk you to feel comfortable with your therapist? I can't help but replay the sessions over and over in my head and it is driving me crazy. How can i separate them from my day to day life and is it normal for me not to let go once i end my session.

Thanks in advance. I'm kinda lost and new to all of this but i know this is what i need.

 

[Quakegirl]

Hi. This is my first time joining a forum, I am normally a very private person and very paranoid th...

It’s so terrifying when it’s all so new: especially when you have a lifetime of stuff inside of you. It’s great you were able to talk with your therapist about how hard it is to open up - and great, also, that she responded so beautifully.
It’s really normal to think about therapy outside of sessions, but also helpful to start to build some skills to help you to deal with life in between. Especially when the hard stuff comes up and emotions start to become overwhelming. I wish I had had some of these skills the first time around. Then, I was just awash and overwhelmed with long buried feelings, and I found it so hard to contain them between sessions. I still do, to a degree, now I am back in therapy, but I’ve done some work for myself, outside of it that has really helped me with tolerating distress and finding other ‘anchors’ to keep me grounded so I have loads of things to try when I need them. A lot these are about self-care, too. Keeping myself from getting too overwhelmed and learning to be kinder to myself when I do.
I do an online DBT course that is great, try to practice some kind of mindfulness most days (right now I am loving Dan Siegel’s Wheel of Awareness meditation: google it). I listen to Tara Brach, a Buddhist teacher, all the time. And I am working on getting a life again: regular exercise, quitting drinking, reconnecting with the human race, that sort of thing. Therapy is just 2.5 hours out of my week, so I need to make sure I’ve got the tools I need for the other hundred and whatever. It’s a work in progress...
Keep posting here, you’ll find people have a lot of the same challenges and experiences, and it really helps to know you’re not alone with things that can make you feel awfully lonely.

 

[nowthisisme]

It’s so terrifying when it’s all so new: especially when you have a lifetime of stuff inside of y...

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm glad to know what I'm experiencing is normal, it's hard when this is all new and you can't seem to find your comfort level. I'm defentily going to try your sugguestion and i think this forum will benefit me, but i also have a problem about hearing other peoples stories, I'm not ready, if i read someone else's trama story it becomes mine and i get overwhelmed with grief for that person and myself and its hard for me to let go. So I'm going to be careful while i stroll through this site.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you can leave the session stuff at the door, patent that technique as you'll make a fortune.

In other words, it's completely normal for there to be disruption to your life after therapy, and it's especially true when dealing with trauma.

Tuesday is my therapy day. NOTHING is ever planned for Tuesdays. It can spill over to the next few days, too, so I make sure I have support on Wednesday and Thursday.

 

[MyWillow]

I don’t have a defined therapy day because my work is very demanding and all over the place but yep, this week it’s Tuesday (tomorrow) and I’ve cleared my day. If necessary I’ll check in with my team in the evening to make sure they are ok. It used to take me a week to recover (and an enormous amount of self-control to turn up and appear to be high functioning) but we’ve stepped back and are sticking with mostly stabilisation for a bit. Definitely talk to your therapist about it.

 

[nowthisisme]

I don’t have a defined therapy day because my work is very demanding and all over the place but yep,...

Thanks for your comment. Good luck with your session!
I also have a high demanding job and i didn't realize how much therapy will negatively effect me. Here i am on a Monday afternoon, one of my busiest days of the week, sitting here writing you instead of working. I feel like crap about it but i cant focus.
I'm definitely going to talk to my T about this. I need to find a way to manage myself.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

The more open you can be, the more your therapist will be able to help. "Open" meaning saying exactly what you said above.

Tell your therapist how you feel. That you just aren't able to function this way. You should feel free to tell her that you're overwhelmed with answering questions. It feels like danger. That type of thing.

When I first started therapy, the day after was pretty much non existent. No functional abilities at all. Completely normal.

i also have a problem about hearing other peoples stories, I'm not ready, if i read someone else's trama story

I felt and feel the same way. Over time I've learned how to navigate the forum. Takes a bit of time but we're more than willing to help you.

 

[nowthisisme]

The more open you can be, the more your therapist will be able to help. "Open" meaning saying exactly...

Thank you for your advice. My next session isn't till 2 weeks from now but I'm defentily bringing all this up with her. before i began therapy i made a list of why i am going, what i want out of it, and how I'm going to achieve it. and the first thing i wrote in bold letters was "be honest!" I need to learn how to be honest with myself and my T, i refer back to my list after ever session just to remind whyself why i am doing this.
Thankfully today i was able to turn my day around, i went to the gym and ran into old workout friends and it felt really nice working out with them again. i got home in a great mood and I'm looking forward to kicking my PTSD in the butt! We can all do this, just one step at a time and every little step is a BIG achievement!

 

[MyWillow]

Exercise is very helpful. Glad you have an outlet. Mine is training and competing with my dogs. And a purring kitty in my arms. In fact I’m about to go sit in the whelping box and cuddle my 3 week old puppies. Today’s session was unintentionally brutal. Think this is going to take a little longer than I was hoping.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

i got home in a great mood and I'm looking forward to kicking my PTSD in the butt! We can all do this, just one step at a time and every little step is a BIG achievement!

So glad you see it that way!!! :tup: You're right. One step at a time... remember sometimes getting out of bed is the one step that really is a huge accomplishment! I don't have a membership at a gym, but I enjoy my own routine at home. Have to say, anxiety really accomplishes more sit-ups than anything else does... a positive way to invest it.

In fact I’m about to go sit in the whelping box and cuddle my 3 week old puppies.

Now that's self care I could do! I snuggle my bunny (when she's in the mood to be snuggled) otherwise she runs around and finds ways to chew holes in my shirts. :)