Clinical summary

[Kopykat]

I'm not sure if this is the correct sub for this so I apologize in advance.

My therapist gave me a copy of my clinical summary she wrote for my disability application, she warned me it would be bleak, have triggers and that she could see it triggering me to go to the hospital. I don't feel that way, maybe dissociative and numb. I'm not sure what to do with the information I guess. I'm not super surprised as to what is in there, a few things caught me off guard but nothing major. In a way I guess maybe this is how she and others see me? I'm not really sure. I know she is worried and expects me to talk about it when I see her again but I'm not sure what I would say. She sent an email, I said I was fine, beyond that...idk. Maybe some of the reality of how severe my symptoms can be are sinking in, I'm not sure. I guess I was expecting to be upset or something instead of just numb/confused.

 

[Cannottakethis]

I read my notes from the psychiatrist in an outpatient program I’d been in. It was definitely strange to see how he viewed me. I encourage you to remember that those words are one persons perceptions of you. They are not everybody’s views, and they are not necessarily reality. As you aren’t too surprised by anything in there I think that shows that you are being honest, and that she is paying attention. Both good things. You said you don’t know what to do with the info. What do you think should be done? I’d be honest and tell her exactly what you’re feeling. That might help more than anything.

 

[Kopykat]

I read my notes from the psychiatrist in an outpatient program I’d been in. It was definitely...

I let her know some of how I felt, I think I'm starting to realize more of it. My initial reaction and I still feel this way is that I want to take a break from therapy if things are so bleak. Not forever, just awhile. I expressed that and she said I'm running away from something. I guess I feel it is a reality check for me. I took a lot of pride in hiding the awful chaos inside me and still functioning and she sees through that, but that's also bc I let her partially see through it. I think I feel confused and wonder if this is how I appear to others. I know I am not a big ball of sunshine, am sarcastic, quiet and don't say much, I just wonder.

 

[Friday]

Something to keep in mind is for WHOM she was writing this, for. Disability. Which means she needs to stress absolutely everything difficult.

When I was in the hospital for a physical injury the social worker filled out my disability paperwork. On it? Included "Cannot dress herself." I could too! :mad: Yeah, it took me about 40 minutes, but dammit, I could get myself dressed! <cough> The entire list was like that. Disability needs to know your limitations, not your determination. Taking 40 minutes to be able to dress myself, and another hour to undress myself? Would eat 2 hours of my day, use up virtually all of my energy for several hours, which totaled out to 1 nursing shift, paid for... By disability.

Disability is always happy to downgrade your care / award. Raising it? Is a helluva process. It's far better to start out with more assistance than you need (I was awarded 3 nursing shifts, ended up only needing 2, then downgrading to 1 as I healed), and then taper off as you get better, than to start out being denied entirely or with less care than you would have been awarded if all of your difficulties were written as professionals write them. Neither exaggerated, nor minimized, but very blunt & very concrete. Also? Very open ended. Medical professionals do. not. want. bureaucrats deciding when their patients "should" be better. They want to make those determinations themselves. Again, it's very easy to downgrade or discontinue services. It's very difficult to get them, or get them raised. "May walk again with intensive physical therapy" in bureaucrat speak? Means having to show up for testing every 3 months and going under review constantly. Because, hey, maybe now? Can we quit paying you now? How about now? CLEARLY you're not working hard enough, so let's downgrade your physical therapy :banghead: "Not expected to walk again"? Gets the intensive physical therapy, with unlimited time, and none of this crack the whip threats of malingering & discontinued services. Bleak? As someone who WANTS to work hard and get better? Is exactly what the forms need to read. So that you can get the help & services to get you where you want to be.

Sounds backwards, right? That's dealing with bureaucrazy, for ya. It's not about you. It's about what they need to read.

 

[Kopykat]

Something to keep in mind is for WHOM she was writing this, for. Disability. Which means she needs to st...

That's a good way to look at it. I was told my disability claim will get denied right away and then I'll have to appeal and it'll be even harder bc I'm younger.

I think I am also in denial about my own changes on the last year and a half. A year and a half ago I got my masters degree and things were finally looking up, then I got injured at work from an attack, got fired, am tied up in a ridiculous lawsuit, had to have spine surgery and have ptsd from it on top of other ptsd depression and anxiety. I've certainly changed and I think I've been in denial how much it's all affected me. I mean I just started to learn to use my arm again and had my first full paralyzing flashback. I feel like my brain is mush half the time. Ow and I just want to sleep and everyone is like you're fine get another job and brain is like warning nope it's not safe. It's been so intense and tiring. I've said it before but I am so lucky I found this sight bc I thought I was going crazy.

 

[Cannottakethis]

@Friday Great Point!