In nursing school-struggling

[Cavegirl]

I’ve wanted to be a nurse for 35 years. Finally got the guts to go for it 2 1/2 years ago. I did 2 years of prerequisites, got awesome grades, full points on my entrance exam. This is end of my 3rd week.

Yesterday we had our first patient assessment skills check off. It’s pass/fail. If you fail you get another try the next day. Fail that and you are kicked from the program.

I failed mine yesterday.

My mock patient was a female nursing student ahead of me. She was wearing a sports bra and I got extremely anxious having to move her tight bra to listen to her lower 2 heart valves. Because I was anxious I apparently listened I wrong place and failed.

Today speaking with one of the instructors my proctor had written my manner was extremely anxious and made the patient uncomfortable and patient was “concerned” by my forehead sweating. Proctor said it was obvious my discomfort got in the way of me doing my job.

Upon hearing this I started to cry. I’ve been working w my counselor on touch issues. I’m so devestated that yet again my ptsd is ruining my life. What triggered me was moving her bra aside. Unclothing her essentially.

I know I MUST get over this. I barely (and I mean bareeeely) passes my 2nd exam. And honestly was because I cried and confessed to the instructor about my history and work I’m doing w a counselor. She told me more than once that this may not be the right career for me.

I’ve put my entire life into doing this. I have no plan B.

My childhood and adult traumas have NO RIGHT to ruin my career too. They already ruined my ability to be a good wife and my coping behaviors led me to infertility so I can’t have kids. No husband, no kids, my career was what I had to look forward to. It didn’t occur to me that my illness could mess it up.

I’m so upset.

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm so sorry.

I wish I had more words of comfort other than to say you're not alone.

You're not alone.

This disorder steals so much and we are expected to do some radical acceptance and be hunky-dory a-o-k with it all.

:hug:

 

[sassyannie54]

I’ve wanted to be a nurse for 35 years. Finally got the guts to go for it 2 1/2 years ago. I did 2 y...

I'm sorry for the situation you're in and the choices you have to make. And I hope what I say, well.....I was a NICU nurse for 30 years. Like you I wanted to be a nurse most of my life. It took me awhile but I did it. Nursing is hard. It's really, really hard and being hard doesn't get better over time. You increase your knowledge and have better organizational skills and, hopefully have found your boundaries but (not to sound like a broken record} it's hard. If you're not careful it takes your heart, mind and soul. I loved my job but it also was one of the causes of my ptsd.
You can do it, it sounds like you have the passion and desire. But you also may want to explore other options in the medical arena. I recently had to have a CT and the tech was really cool. He had been a rap artist in NYC, came across some CT techs with nice cars and decided he wanted to do that instead of rapping for very little money. My very best for you. Take care of yourself and find and keep boundaries. One last thought, don't let them tell you should do a year of med surg. Do what you want in the area that calls you. You'll be much more likely to succeed

 

[Cavegirl]

Thank you guys for your input. I don’t really want to be a med/surg nurse. My dream is DNP. I’m not sure I can take 6 more years if this. I’m hoping I find an area I love in clinical.

Funnily enough we did glucose checks on our fellow students yesterday. Some had problems poking their fellow students. I had NO problem with that. Life is ironic.

 

[Deleted member 44517]

As mentioned above, nursing is hard and it can create more traumas. It did for me. However, you do not need to reconsider career choice because of ptsd. Your instructor was wrong to say that and I will add, showing anxiety is not something that should be remarked upon or graded. EVERYONE encounters something nerve wracking in this field. Especially if it's a first time while in training. This is the time to learn these skills and work through anxiety so that you will instinctively know what to do when you encounter it in real life. First times are hard on all of us. Nurses and doctors are humans not gods.

I agree with the advice about med-surg as well. There are so many avenues to pursue. Go where you will feel comfortable and empowered. Btw, I am working on my NP. School is hard. I am struggling too. I know that I can do it though despite my small defeats. I failed out of nursing school after my first year due to overwhelming depression. I had to wait a whole year to go back but I did. I did and I finished. I've been a nurse for 15 years. It was worth it to pick myself back up and try again. Look for support where ever you can find it. Just today I applied for disability assistance for my grad program.

Remember, finishing is what matters. Not the bumps and bruises along the way.

 

[Friday]

Very little will accustom you to naked people faster than working in medicine. So if that's the biggest area you struggle in? Maybe you could get a volunteer shift at the hospital to start desensitizing yourself to skin? My personal suggestion would be to start at the lowest threshold area, like maybe holding/petting duties in the NICU if you're fine with naked babies... And work your way up to the population that hits you the hardest. In my area there are 1500 minimum volunteer (or work) hours required before you can start BSRN nursing school, so the hospitals have a really badass volunteer network of PreRNs. A lot of students I knew deliberately hit problem areas (afraid of blood? Ask to work in phlebotomy, then OB, then the ER to acclimate to being around blood & bodily fluids. Afraid of social interaction? Ask to work in Information, wheelchair transport, etc.).

Or, similarly, if it ends up being too much for nursing school right at the moment? Need to defer a year to work on triggers/stressors? Either do the volunteer thing above, or get paid to work on your stressors:

A) Pick up your EMT. 3 month course. And then you'll be spending a chunk of most days cutting clothes off of people.
B) CNA. 3 month course. And then you'll be spending a chunk of most days undressing/bathing/redressing -mostly- elderly people.
Etc.

 

[Cavegirl]

Thank you. It’s tough, but I’m determined to do this.

 

[DharmaGirl]

When I went to nursing school I had yet to be diagnosed with PTSD. It was HARD! Because I had worked as an in home CNA for years, it was much easier for me because I was used to touching people and helping them bathe and dress. This will become so normal for you in a short amount of time. Once when we were in lab, my friend started crying, that set me off, then everyone in the lab started crying, except for one girl. She said, "Zoloft! I would be crying too but I'm on Zoloft! Everyone needs to be on Zoloft in nursing school!" I took her advice. I found that many instructors say that maybe this is not the correct career path to many, many students. I think it's part of the weeding process. You ended up passing! You CAN do this!

 

[Friday]

then everyone in the lab started crying, except for one girl. She said, "Zoloft!"

:inlove: I love this. Truly.

It's funny... Because it's true!

 

[Deleted member 44579]

Hi @Cavegirl......you are absolutely right.....Because of your childhood and adult trauma... Why shouldn't you have your career... You deserve it...!!...

I think that you will be an amazing nurse because of what you have been through.

Don't let the bastards win!!!!....

Can you practice on a friend?... May be?...

 

[DharmaGirl]

Can you practice on a friend?... May be?...

That's an excellent idea! I really enjoyed my nursing career. I was an ER nurse and I loved it. The only time I had trouble was with a DV victim and a little girl who reminded me of me. I couldn't get her to tell me anything and I called a bathroom break and sobbed. I had another case where I had to go vomit. It happens. You will make a more compassionate nurse.

@Friday, it was so funny the whole lab cracked up. Because it was true. And boy, was she peppy! My school was incredibly competitive.