Therapist said someone can't just ask for help, it has to happen naturally? huh?

[Justmehere]

Most of my ‘support’ comes from people who I have gradually developed close, trusting relationships with. And your T is right, I don’t really “ask them for help”. Like, ever. But they help me all the time. They provide support by the nature of our close relationship.

I had relationships like this. The best one just died due to cancer.

The relationship, in and of itself, is the support.

This.

This is what I'm missing in my life. I had this. Not too long ago. 2 years ago I was developing this in a couple of relationships. Where leaning into the relationship itself was a profound comfort. I could be without it and be ok, but it felt good to lean into it too. Others noticed a deep shift in me.

Then things fell apart with a therapist very suddenly, one that I was doing attachment work with... then I reached out to this group of friends and all the public humiliation and exclusion that came from what one person did and others perpetuated it...

I've been much more of a guarded controlled person since.

Relationship itself isn't a support anymore. It was. I don't ask for support even. I want it. But I don't. And the relationship itself being a support? I remember that.

Sh*t.

Now I get it.

 

[scout86]

The best one just died due to cancer.

Was that the person who was resisting the idea of getting treatment? Regardless, sorry for your lose! People like that are special and awfully hard to replace. :(

 

[Justmehere]

I've lost too many people dear to me.

 

[Sideways]

Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re back where you started. Because you’re not.

You know what you want, you know it’s possible, and you know what can go wrong. When you’re ready, it will happen, and I think your T is right that it will happen fairly naturally. You’ll gradually let your guard down, with the right people, when you’re ready. You will.

Maybe you’re just not finished hurting from the past relationships yet...? Remember to recognise how far you’ve come, because it really is profound, and something you should genuinely be proud of. Maybe you’re not “there” yet with these friends, but they clearly have a lot of respect for you and what you contribute to their life. And that’s a pretty big deal.

 

[MP7]

I had relationships like this. The best one just died due to cancer.


This.

This is what I'm missi...

Man... this hits close to home... I tried to trust and lean in, great phrase btw, and got bitten by old friends, pastors, new friends, church groups, family... makes it hard to trust or even want to try to make friends, which sounds STUPID to say as an adult, but no the less true. The only time I am interested is if I know they’re a vet and might get it. I remember what a good friend feels like before my ptsd, just can’t find it post ptsd... even though I need it.